clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Judo Chump: Ursine BJJ spotted at Walmart

That man gonna hear the Walmart cheer in his sleep, goodness gracious...

Often we see videos shared online involving physical altercations in which there’s truly no order or thought put into the combat that is displayed. Too often we see ugly messes that are all id and no process, no actual skill for fighting. A lot of them really, really suck.

And sometimes you find a video that proves is all you need is a minimum level of aptitude to get ahead. The bare necessities, if you will.

See, today we’ll take a look at a fight in which two individuals decided they didn’t like each other and went ham. And since you’re not new here, you know this is going to be dumb as hell. Unless you really are new here, in which case I’d suggest you stay away from my Twitter feed.

But should you choose to venture there, you may stumble across things like the focus of this piece here today. We don’t have the whole story because it’s a very short clip that already has the action in progress.

And it is at this moment that I’d like to recommend an optional musical accompaniment for this adventure.

But what we can safely assume from all this is that he didn’t expect Teddy Ruxpin getting all up in dat ass.

Both parties are rolling around and Bear Suit Guy manages to roll over in a partial sweep. Sadly, he fails to get mount and ends up in a modified side control, attempting half-hearted punches. He adjusts his headgear and bench-press rolled himself, where he eats a few punches off his back. One of the two pleads for help, and it sounds like it’s Bear Suit Guy, but the other guy gets up quickly to break things up himself.

Oh, bother.

Look, it’s not all jokey-jokes. Our guy in the bear suit doesn’t get paid enough for this shit. He probably has to restock shelves while making an insultingly low wage on top of suffering the indignity of dealing with all this. And if you haven’t noticed, there’s a disease in our society that leads people to think they can just get away with being abusive towards low-wage employees they deem to be beneath them. I can’t prove that it’s what led to this, but have you ever seen a big-box store employee shoot a fair one with a random customer before? Something had to have happened.

And I guess it’s also kind of a good thing that this stayed in the grappling department for as long as it did. Must be tough having to throw hands with that goofy bear head on you. Respect to the guy for keeping it on. Not only did it cushion any potential blows, it helps hide his identity from law enforcement, haters at large, and most importantly, child support.

Because that last one... yikes.

But that unlucky customer should count his blessings, because he could have run into this guy:

Be nice to employees, especially the ones exploited the most. Solidarity comes in many forms, like not being a douchebag. It’s the least we can do, because we’re all we got. Kudos to Bear Suit Guy for officially becoming my second favorite bear. That’s a tough task considering who gets the #1 spot.