I will continue to say it so long as I draw breath on this earth:
At some point in his life, every man thinks he can rap, and every man thinks he can fight.
It’s like some sort of code etched in stone somewhere, like in some prehistoric cave somewhere or whatever the Indonesian equivalent of the Georgia Guide Stones is. I hope there’s something like that, too. Can’t wait to go over and get me one of them authentic Nehru jackets.
But we’re here to talk violence. Specifically, the dumb kind. Today’s tale begins as a simple confrontation involving two ladies that decided they just didn’t like each other or something. I neither know nor care what caused this to pop off. It’s where the fight goes that matters most.
To set the stage, I’d like to offer an optional soundtrack for further enjoyment.
So the girl in red runs up and gets done up by the girl with the white top, who instantly starts giving her the business as soon as the fisticuffs begin with an intelligent application of what I like to call the Jerry Springer clinch. For the uninitiated, that means grabbing someone by the hair and peppering them with shots until the recipient either cries uncle or the provider of damage decides they’ve had enough and wants to go to Wendy’s.
But then, a third individual decides to join the fray. You know what time it is. Now that it’s a handicap match, the girl with the white top decides to grab the interloper, big sistering him by nabbing hair, and then the scruff of the collar.
This all happens in less than 15 seconds
I am fucking CRYING bro pic.twitter.com/PvvQxaGINv— impala hate account (@Nellythamenace) August 16, 2022
While the girl in red refuses to completely give up by attempting heel drops from bottom and lazy upkicks, the girl on top is not fazed. She keeps them pinned and almost (almost) manages to pin the kid in the black shirt with her hand while doing a knee on belly to the girl in red.
God, I wish she had done it.
But it didn’t matter, because once she had both opponents stacked up, White Top Girl delivers some punches that prime era Brock Lesnar would have been proud of. Shots to the dome and to the face of both parties, because caring his sharing. Check out little man in the back with the “This ain’t really any of my business“ look:
Good move, kid.
The girl in red decides that the only way out is to wriggle free, but she ends up looking like she’s attempting to twerk and failing miserably. Full disclosure: I tried twerking once. Don’t recommend it. Especially not a fight.
I guess the only nice things I can say about it is that nobody tried to break it up as soon as it hit the ground (as it mostly happens in videos like these), and nobody resorted to biting. So there’s a lesson there somewhere, of some sort, somehow.
If you learn nothing else, let it be that you at least think twice before picking fights with randos. That’s not gonna go well. Don’t be this girl.