More oddball pugilism and unorthodox grapple-stuffs this week, with our roundup of all things juuuuuust outside the MMA orbit from around the world.
We’ll start off with a light appetizer. Our buddies at Fight Commentary Breakdowns found this exhibition between a Capoeira practitioner and a Bokator fighter. For the uninitiated, Bokator is a Cambodian martial art that employs elements of Muay Thai (mostly knees and elbows) with some grappling and submissions, as well as some weapon training.
No weapons here, though. Just a fun display between these two practitioners repping their disciplines and putting on a cool show.
Next up is what ended up being my personal favorite this week, a Malakhra bout. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a wrestling form found in Pakistan and India. Much like Cornish wrestling there’s a mandatory garment that must be worn with ropes around the waist. The objective is simple, and you may have guessed it by now: get the other person to the ground. Competitors clinch up like Sumo wrestlers and employ trips and throws to establish dominance.
Here we have a larger gentleman that resembles a cross between Al Swearengen and Juzou the Drunkard taking on a smaller gentleman that starts off with more of a reactive game. After being taken for a big, big swing, the larger wrestler tries to use his size to break down his opponent by making him carry their combined weight. In the end, it was all technique as the smaller wrestler nails a lovely takedown with a smile on his face.
STRELKA is back, always bringing some of the more unpredictable action available. One of their recent highlights was a slender gentleman described as a Thai Boxer against a schlubby dude with some tattoos on him. While that alone gives you a fair idea of how this might go, the unpredictable here is how the fight goes down. Bald guy with the skills nails a lovely leg kick then lets his hands go, ending in one way traffic on the sand. Quick and efficient.
If in the year of our lord and savior Tito Puentes there are still people thinking that they can pick fights with randos based off looks, these really ought to disabuse you from that very incorrect idea.
We’re sticking with STRELKA to illustrate why.
This next bout is billed as a young guy vs a 46-year-old. Not that 46 is old, necessarily. But this guy looks like he’s wrung out a lot from those 46 years. Mans is looking rough and gives a spirited effort, only to get single legged and dogged on the ground. The younger dude doesn’t look like much of a threat, not exactly the kind of guy that you’d be intimidated by in a bar on a Thursday night. But he might as well have been a younger William F Guile saying “иди домой и будь семьянином“.
One trend I didn’t see becoming so popular so quick was slapboxing. It’s spreading worldwide with some jaw-dropping (and in some cases jaw-altering) results.
Bodybuilder Monika Quandt-Romuz squared off against boxer Aleksandra Jaworska in the confusingly named Punchdown arena, and it’s a doozy. Monika doesn’t have a striking background, but she’s a Judo black belt and possesses farm strength. The thumbnail alone is worth the price of admission.
This is a book you can totally judge by its cover. Monika slaps Aleksandra hard enough to almost put her out on her feet more than once. It goes to a decision, but it’s very clear who won. The boxer couldn’t seem to translate her striking ability to open-hand smacks, and the Judoka strongwoman ate them like a pro. Pretty brutal, and we should fully expect to see more of her.
Finally, another idea that should have probably stayed in the drafts. Handicap matches are fine in professional wrestling, but in MMA? It’s a mess. Usually we see these implemented in the form of one very large person fighting some much smaller people at once.
This week, the inimitable Caposa gives us a competitor known the world as Kung Fu Panda against three stooges that decided this was not going to go down like an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. Remember that? The group fight scenes would have Chuck Norris fight henchmen one at a time as the rest were flailing their arms in the back to look busy and menacing?
Yeah, no dice. These cats knew they weren’t getting paid by the hour and got to work.
I'm struggling to think how else they thought this would go— caposa (@Grabaka_Hitman) July 31, 2021
Swechu, Modlicha, and Neted defeat Kung Fu Panda in a matter of seconds. pic.twitter.com/NkJ0mphINh
Dude got swarmed, and it wasn’t pleasant to watch. But if you’re looking for something of a palate cleanse, I’d highly recommend you watch this somewhat similar display of unrestrained violence.
Until next time, kids. Be easy.