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Judo Chump - Jeff Goldblum lookalike schools shirtless foe with Taekwondo

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What could have been another mediocre sidewalk battle with ugly hugging became much more as a new internet legend is born.

Not sure what this dude thought he was up against.

With all the hand-to-hand combat that gets recorded and shared on social media, a lot of it is truly underwhelming. In fact, much more of it falls under that category than we care to admit.

But today, we’ve been handed something of a gem.

In this particular melee, the participants were a gentleman that appears to have been a neighborhood nuisance and a bespectacled gentleman that was tired of his antics. Nothing too elaborate here, as neither one appears to have traned UFC. No natural power in both hands. Upon seeing that he was to engage in lawless combat, glasses guy decided he was going to channel the spirit of Kim Kaphwan and use the sixth-grade dojang lessons for justice. All of this was captured due to Twitter user FallenLeo (optional listening selection here).

Our guy puts up the Street Fighter pose, and the man in dire need of upper body clothing decides to make his move. But the Nikes of Doom got warmed up with a body kick, and that was followed by a spinning kick that momentarily made the aggressor question some life decisions. Mans went for the Siver Soul Stealer, and kinda almost nails it. Sensing that there was no takedown threat from his opponent and understanding that the half-naked nemesis was not capable of doing a wrestle, our hero begins to feel himself and get a little zesty. He initiates a flurry of punches and disengages after switching stances. The disrespect. When the troublemaker decides he’s had enough, he made the same mistake KJ Noons did against Krazy Horse, and turned his back.

Don’t turn your back.

Kick Lord decides he wants to make this victory definitive, and lands a body kick to the ribs that isn’t quite Overeem vs Lesnar-esque, but is gonna give the dastardly rogue something to remember in the morning. Dude clutched his side like a toddler clutching their favorite plushie. Those ribs are gonna be screaming by the time Maury comes on. While the fight was short, it’s very rewatchable, especially with... an alternate angle!

In this angle, we observe the Captain Caveman lookalike with an even more hideous and wide askew stance, holding his arms out like he’s pulling prison bars apart. There appears to be some technical difficulty with the opaque window in the way, but once it opens, it puts another layer on this. The kicks look way more impressive and the commentary is clearer. Almost worthy of a Ganryujima card (you’re welcome), you see the Van-Dammity of it all, as the kicker does a cancel worthy of a Guilty Gear pro match and switches to the final kick as he walks off. The bully walks over to lean on a nearby tree, drawing power from Mother Gaia as a healing mechanism.

In case you thought the good guy won without any hiccups, well... I’ve got some bad news. Turns out the bully came back with a plank of wood and decided to become Hacksaw Jim Duggan for a day, and not even the cool American version. We’re talking the bad Canadian turncoat version.

Somehow, the guy with the shirt manages to take some lumps but peels the plank away as he once again gains the upper hand. That should be the point where any sensible person calls it quits. With everything that happened in the lead up, we can’t blame our Baek Doo San avatar for being wary even after gaining the weapon.

So what’s the lesson for the day? Don’t pick on people. You never know when you’re gonna find the one to style on you.