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Judo Chump: Kangaroo gets put under down under

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Crikey, he was choked until the point of chunder, that one.

Kangaroo in back yard of home in Jervis Bay, New South Wales, Australia
Everybody wanna be a gangster until it’s time to do gangster things

Good news, fight fans. It turns out that Mark Hunt isn’t the only one set for random acts of violence in Oceania this week.

This event comes to us courtesy of the land of no rules, Australia. While most Americans know and understand that the wildlife is conspiring at all times to murder humans in many ways, some may be surprised at just how the evils of nature in the Southern Hemisphere operate. Sure, you’ve seen them beat up humans (who richly deserve this, by the way), but what you may not have seen is how they apply grappling in their repertoire.

And while you think “surely this must be another bad joke, this guy is full of them” — it’s a fair thought because I am full of bad jokes (like Australian toilets flushing in the opposite direction, I love that one) — this is actually real roo on roo violence where one of them got slept harder than this poor victim of an otherworldly loop choke.

Courtesy of DivineCircuit on Twitter, the Kangaroos engage in the usual fare of circling each other and nailing kicks. But once Kanga from Winnie the Pooh decides she’s had enough of the other guy’s shit, it got very, very real.

The cause of the fracas remains unknown, although it’s possible that roo #2 looked at roo #1 and called him a yellow-bellied scoundrel or perhaps a “yo momma” joke that went too far. I’d wager on the latter, because hearing someone say “yo momma so fat she takes up both sides of the family“ is fighting words anywhere on this or any other planet. Talking spicy has been the downfall of many men in the history of the world, so I assume things work similarly amongst members of the wildlife realm.

No sniper needed in the grassy knoll when roo #1 snags the clinch on #2 and hits the trip. Then that roo makes the turnaround to slap on a bulldog choke that would make Lee Chaolan blush. You thought Babalu hanging on to David Heath for an ungodly amount of time was bad, this was something else. The grip and squeeze are held for almost a full minute, but at least the victim didn’t die. Well, didn’t appear to be dead, anyway. Still stayed about as stiff as John Matua after Tank Abbott ruined him.

So now you know, not only can things kill you down there, they totally will in any way they want.