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MMA Squared: Puns & Drawings of Cain Velasquez

Spoken of in reverent tones but rarely seen, the Bigfoot of MMA returns to face Francis Ngannou and everything is unknowable.

MMA Squared, Chris Rini, Cain Velasquez, Francis Ngannou, UFC Phoenix, UFC on ESPN 1

Welcome to MMA Squared! Today we ask ourselves which Cain we will see on Saturday night? The one who won the title and Brocked us Like a HurriCaine?

Brock may only address him as “Mr. Velasquez” from now on

Junior Dos Santos smoked him once, but in subsequent rematches spent ten rounds feeling the Wrath of Cain. On the upside, their third fight featured the second coolest in-cage staredown ever (first is Wand vs CroCop).

After years of only fighting JDS & Bigfoot, he faced Fabricio Werdum and the lasting memory of that fight is of a wheezing champ putting the cardio before the horse and getting choked out by Vai Cavalo.

The Werdum loss and subsequent injuries were so damaging to his reputation that it’s easy to forget he Cain In Like a Wrecking Ball and wheel kicked Travis Browne en route to a TKO victory at UFC 200 (his only fight of the Reebok era).

MMA Squared, Chris Rini, Cain Velasquez, Francis Ngannou, UFC on ESPN 1, UFC Phoenix
I put a yellow filter on this, just like they put a yellow filter all over UFC 200
Chris Rini

Shoulder injuries are hard to come back from. So are knee injuries, not to mention back problems which tend to linger your whole life. He’s been sidelined by all three, so when it comes to elite performance it’s reasonable to ask “Is Cain Able?”

I love watching the man fight, so when he finally descends from his camp where he trains in perpetual elevation, I will be on the edge of my seat waiting to see whether we’ve got a mountain GOAT on our hands.

As always, MMA Squared is brought to you by COMBAT WOMBAT, an expression of marsupial violence known... somewhere. This is Chris @RiniMMA, take care of yourself and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

If you made it through all the puns, you’ve earned a bonus pid: here’s another page in the Book of Squares.