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If I Did It: The UFC pwns itself, Bisping throws slurs, Judge gives swimmer rapist slap on the wrist

Welcome to IF I DID IT where we analyze and solve PR kerfuffles from the world of MMA and beyond. This week we look at the UFC's three day "lifetime ban" on Ariel Helwani, Michael Bisping's slur laced post-fight rant, the Brock Turner rape case, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and more.

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Alexei Auld is back with a brand new book available 7 Secret Sources of Inspiration: A Snappy Guide for Creative Procrastinators to grill Eugene S. Robinson (who's pushing a GoFundMe to pay for the new Oxbow album) and myself with some PR stumpers from the world of combat sports.

For the audio only version check us out on SoundCloud and be sure to subscribe to MMA NATION on iTunes and subscribe to MMA Nation on YouTube so you'll never miss an episode.

Today's puzzlers include:

  • You're the UFC PR team following Saturday's decision to ban Ariel Helwani and two other MMA Fighting staffers "for life" -- a decision which Dana White told TMZ Monday would stand "as long as I'm president of this company" -- Helwani and his team were re-instated late Monday night. Now you appear to be sending surrogates after Helwani with Joe Rogan alleging that the UFC told Helwani that if he continued to release insider information, the UFC would fire all suspected moles and "ruin people's lives" and Colin Cowherd calling Helwani a "paid shill" on his Fox Sports 1 show. What's your messaging goal here?
  • You're Brock Lesnar. After cashing out as a former UFC Heavyweight champion and making the deal of a lifetime with the WWE, explain the PR justification for your return to the Octagon at UFC 200?
  • You're newly crowned UFC Middleweight Champion Michael Bisping. You dropped Luke Rockhold to win the title, and after the post-fight press conference, you dropped an anti-gay slur. You immediately realized the mistake, but it's your fourth offense. As the man in the mirror, with gold around his waist, is it time to take a look at yourself then make a change?
  • You're Judge Aaron Perskey, you recently sentenced Brock Turner to six months in county jail for three felony sexual assault convictions saying a prison sentence would have "a severe impact" on Turner and assuring the public Turner will "not be a danger to others." Your actions have made you a magnet for criticism with a petition drive under way to remove you from office. Do you take any steps to restore your public image?