If I Did It: CM Punk busted up again, Peyton Manning unravels, Pacquiao slurs, McConnell's predicament

Once again Alexei Auld is back to grill Eugene S. Robinson, author of Fight: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Ass-Kicking but Were Afraid You'd Get Your Ass Kicked for Asking and myself with some PR stumpers from the world of combat sports.

Today's puzzlers include:

• You're the UFC. CM Punk has gone above and beyond when it comes to promoting the UFC and his transition to MMA fighting including media appearances, training at Roufusport, and being the subject of a Looking For A Fight storyline. Only problem? Injuries are preventing his debut. With cynicism growing, is it better for your brand to delay his debut for as long as possible in case the experiment fails?
• You're Peyton Manning. You just won the Super Bowl. But instead of Disney World, you're going to PR Hell. On the eve of Valentine's Day, the New York Daily News broke your heart by resurrecting a story with some highlights of you and your father Archie as lowlifes, including a smear campaign against a student trainer who claims you sexually assaulted her, the ghostwriter of your book testifying that your father told him the victim was "unattractive" and had "been out with a bunch of black guys", and the University cover up request the victim blame the entire incident not on you, "but on another athlete — a black one." What PR moves, if any, do you make to preserve your status as America's Cleanest Football Player?
• You're Will Brooks. You defeated Bellator's golden boy twice and felt frustrated by the lack of promotional heft the promotion is giving you as its lightweight champion. Your efforts to raise your profile in the company have failed miserably. So you decided to fight out your contract and continued your criticism. Bellator President Scott Coker refused to bite. In fact, last Thursday, he told MMA Fighting that he not only hasn't read your tweets, but "If he's gonna yap, he's gonna yap. That's just how it is" and added, "Is he a fighter that we would go way out of our way to re-sign? I can't answer that." Are you Askren yourself whether you're entering free-agency as the wrong Ben? Or are you set on singing Adele the next MMA awards show?
• You're former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer. According to CNN, a woman who claims to be your girlfriend also alleges you choked her in a hotel room after an argument Saturday night. Police claim you tried visiting her in the hospital using fake name after she cut her wrists. The investigation is ongoing, but the alleged victim left for Russia. How do you manage your reputation in wake of this incident?
• THE CURVEBALL (KEEPING IT UNDER WRAPS)
• TEACHABLE MOMENT: You're Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. With the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, the stage is set for selecting his replacement. you vowed to reject any nominees prior to the 2016 Presidential Election, despite ushering in Justice Anthony Kennedy during President Reagan's last year in office. Now you've got to keep up this fight for an entire year under the glare of the wildest Presidential campaign in decades. Do you look for an exit or stick to your guns?
• EUGENE'S LOST BATTALION/PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH
• Much much more

Enjoy!