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Bellator: Dynamite - Three things you need to know (and three more you don't)

Mookie Alexander gives you a 100% dead serious list of things you need to know before you tune in to watch Bellator 142: Dynamite on Spike TV this evening.

Bellator MMA

If you're tuning in to tonight's Bellator 142: Dynamite card, you're in for a unique viewing experience. Lenne Hardt (AKA "Crazy PRIDE lady" is doing the ring announcing, we'll have a four-man, one-night tournament, Tito Ortiz in the main event, and GLORY kickboxing mixed in with Bellator MMA.

Before you watch the card, here are several things you need to know, along with some additional stuff you probably don't need to know, but I felt like adding in here anyway.

GLORY kickboxing rules

These are the most basic rules you really need to know and understand before you take in any of the GLORY bouts tonight.

  • Title fights are 5 three-minute rounds, non-title fights are 3 three-minute rounds. This includes the women's bout between Keri-Anne Taylor-Melendez and Hadley Griffith, which will be 3 three-minute rounds. Saulo Cavalari and Zack Mwekassa may go the full 5 rounds.
  • What happens in the event of a knockdown? Like in boxing, fighters will receive a mandatory eight-count, and obviously if they've not beaten the ten-count then the fight is over.
  • Are elbows allowed? No, it's a foul.
  • What knees and kicks are forbidden? According to the official GLORY rulebook: "Linear or thrusting kicks directed at knee (i.e. front kick, side kick, back kick)." So Jon Jones to GLORY is basically a no-go.
  • What are the rules on clinching? Again, from the GLORY rulebook: "A fighter may clinch in order to immediately attack with a legal knee strike (or strikes). If the knee attack and/or counter attack by the opponent is continuous and productive the referee may allow it to continue for in his estimation up to five seconds; otherwise the fighters should disengage the clinch and continue to fight." Additionally, clinching/grabbing/holding for the sake of it with no attempt at offense is considered a foul.
  • What about takedowns, sweeps, and throws? Verboten.

Bellator tournament rules

  • The semifinals are two five-minute rounds. CSAC rules forbid any fighter from more than 5 rounds of competition on a single event, so the semis (and presumably the alternate bout) are two rounds, while the final is three rounds. What happens in case of a draw? Well....
  • There is no sudden victory. In the event of a draw, "each of the three judges will cast a separate ballot listing the fighter he or she thought won the fight. The same thing will happen in the finals, except the separate ballot will be cast by the judges based on performance throughout the tournament." (MMA Fighting)
  • Elbows are legal. While old Bellator tournaments used to forbid elbows until the final, elbows are legal for the one-night tournament, which will use the Unified Rules of MMA.
  • How can an alternate win the tournament? Hankering for some additional Francis Carmont action? If the semifinal winner is unable to compete in the final, then the semifinal loser is the first replacement. If they both can't continue, then the reserve bout winner gets to step in as the finalist.
  • Can nobody win the tournament? Sure! If there's a no contest before round 3 of the finals, that's exactly what will happen.

You can't see all of the simultaneous matches (Updated

There was some intrigue over Bellator running simultaneous matches inside the cage and the ring, but you won't get to see all of it. Four bouts have been designated to run simultaneously, but one set will be on the prelims and the other set will be post-main card.

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The meaning of "garang havoc on your face"

At first glance, "garang havoc on your face" sounds exactly like another absurd Tito-ism that straddles the line between English and gobbledygook. But upon further inspection, "garang" is Malay for "fierce", and if you think I'm full of it, go to Google Translate or ask the nearest Malay person.

Tito Ortiz just gets it when it comes to fight promotion. He's reaching out to the huge Bellator fanbase in Kuala Lumpur, and his multilingualism should be commended here when you consider how often he's ridiculed for failing to string together coherent sentences. Saturday night, Tito Ortiz plans to fiercely havoc Liam McGeary's face.

It is against the rules for Bellator: Dynamite to feature actual Dynamite

Per California penal code:



This is Phil Davis, not Jon Jones

For those of you who don't know the origin of the "Phil Davis = Jon Jones" meme, check this video out.

That fan genuinely thought he was taking a picture with Jon Jones, when it was in fact Phil Davis, even though their skin color is the only bit of similarity between the two. So it is my duty to the public to inform you that Jon Jones will not be participating in tonight's four-man light heavyweight tournament. Jones is under UFC contract and is currently under indefinite suspension for a pending hit-and-run case, while Davis is the one who signed with Bellator MMA and will make his debut this evening.

The four-man LHW tournament consists of Phil Davis, Quinton Jackson, Cam Newton, and Forest Whitaker.