Hi, folks. Remember me? My name is Tim, and I used to be a part of the official UFC rankings panel. Sometimes I felt like I was the only sane member of the panel, and my frustrations about the sport were eased a tiny bit when I was given the opportunity to quit. I haven't paid a lot of attention to them over the past few months, but when Mookie Alexander's parents decided to choose today to teach him how to ride a bike without training wheels, I was put on the spot. So, here I am. And unsurprisingly, the lists are still terrible.
Since I have some time on my hands, I will go through each division and point out the changes from last week as per the norm. In addition to that though, I will also point out the absurd and extraordinary. Why? Because I can.
P4P - After a one-sided loss, Anthony Pettis fell five spots to number 10. This led to Cain Velasquez, Ronda Rousey, and T.J. Dillashaw moving up a spot to 5, 6, and 7 respectively. Robbie Lawler moved up two spots to eight. In at nine is new lightweight champion Rafael dos Anjos, ahead of Pettis and Anderson Silva. Seriously? Anderson Silva is now at 11 on the P4P list? You really hate you some steroids, don't you? The list is rounded out by people bumped down to get RDA in there - Renan Barao at 12, Johny Hendricks (despite a dominant win) at 13, and Vitor Belfort at 15. Fabricio Werdum moved up one spot to 14, by the way.
Heavyweight - Roy Nelson fell two spots from 8 to 10 for being turned into a lobster by Alistair Overeem. Overeem is up two spots to eight, and somehow the guy that just clobbered him seven months ago, Ben Rothwell, is one spot below him at nine. One real division in, and the stupid meter is already at a solid 7.4.
Light Heavyweight - Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, who should wake up any day now after what Anthony Johnson did to him, has somehow moved up a spot in the rankings to number 12, dropping Fabio Maldonado to 13. Remember, this is the division that's so thin that Jimi Manuwa is ranked in the top ten despite not winning a fight since 2013. And that win came about because Ryan Jimmo got hurt. At least he's not ranked. I would have tossed my computer out the window if made the list somehow.
Middleweight - Lyoto Machida dropped from a tie with Jacare Souza in the top contender spot down to number two. Thales Leites also moved up one to nine, putting Michael Bisping on the edge of falling out of the top 10 for the first time in forever. There's actually not a ton to complain about on this list, other than recency bias earning Roan Carneiro a spot.
Welterweight - Kelvin Gastelum, the man that has been banished to middleweight for not cutting weight well enough, moved up one spot to 10. This would be alarming, except for the fact that he switched spots with Jake Ellenberger, who he beat in November. That meant that the guy he JUST beat was still ahead of him until this week. Geniuses, all of you. Also, Ryan LaFlare has a fight this weekend so he moved up a spot to 14, passing Gunnar Nelson.
Lightweight - Some new guy is the champ or whatever. Rafael something? That dropped former champ Anthony Pettis to the number one contender spot. Josh Thomson also dropped to spots to nine for having the audacity to get injured. This bumped Edson Barboza up to seven, while Myles Jury moved to eight. Remember when Myles Jury beat Michael Johnson, who is in the six spot right now? Two ahead of Jury? I guess no one else does.
Featherweight - Chad Mendes took back the number one contender spot from Frankie Edgar. Why? He has a fight coming up, of course. Rankers looooove guys that have fights coming up. Sure, Frankie does too but it's against a bantamweight. Maybe he'll be ranked at BW in a few months! Other than that, nothing else happened in the division. Oh yeah, Dustin Poirier is still ranked number seven despite having a lightweight bout booked a month from now.
Bantamweight - Mitch Gagnon (hot on the heels of being named Bloody Elbow's most underrated UFC fighter) moved from 15 to 14, passing Alex Caceres. Now folks, I'm a big Mayday fan, but the rankers have to realize that Michael McDonald has been out injured and hasn't won a fight since August 2013, right? RIGHT? PAY ATTENTION, PEOPLE.
Flyweight - Jussier Formiga moved up to three, passing John Moraga. Henry Cejudo is now ranked in the top 10 after one flyweight bout, coming in at the 10 spot. Fair enough. His victim, Chris Cariaso fell one spot to 11 in a rare glimpse of logic. Tim Elliott fell two spots to 13, while Wilson Reis fell one spot to 14. John Lineker hasn't moved an inch since being banished to bantamweight for liking chalupas too much.
Women's Bantamweight - Germaine de Randamie moved up one spot to 14 after breaking a girl's arm, bumping Raquel Pennington to 15. To the shock of no one, Jessica Andrade is still ahead of the woman that submitted her less than a month ago, Marion Reneau. Brazilians. That's all I'm going to say.
Women's Strawweight - Joanna Je...Jo...Champion takes the title, dropping Carla Esparza to the top contender spot. Heather Clark inexplicably passed Paige VanZant for the 10 spot. And Seohee Ham is now at number 13, passing Angela Hill.