The nWo Invades Bellator – My Conspiracy Theory II
Many months ago when I wrote The nWo Invades Bellator and posted it, I never thought there would be need for a follow up. It was just a silly idea that came to me late one night, and 90 minutes later I had something that would hopefully give the Bloody Elbow community a good chuckle. I thought that would be the end of it.
I was wrong.
Why? Because since that time, Bellator has done several things that make my (possibly poor) attempt at comedy sound more and more plausible.
Before I get going, if you haven't already, I strongly suggest you read (what is now) Part 1 of this. If you're too lazy to do that, then know that I come from a pro wrestling background, and to my twisted mind it looks like Dana White and the UFC are trying to destroy Bellator from within.
But seriously, go read it first, you will see there is a method to my madness.
All done? Ok, all aboard the crazy train.
Lets start with the most recent example.
Desmond Green says that he was fired from Bellator via email. This lines up so well with how Eric Bischoff used to fire people it's downright scary. If you're not aware, his favorite method of termination was to send notice via FedEx.
He most famously did this to a man named Davey Boy Smith aka British Bulldog. This incident is so noteworthy because at the time he was in the hospital in a full body cast. Several months before he had taken a bodyslam onto a trap door hidden in the ring (because shockingly The Ultimate Warrior didn't really have the power to appear/disappear in a puff of smoke) which lead to him getting a spinal infection that almost paralyzed him.
When notified about this, WCW reinstated his contract, but he would never wrestle for them again and was ultimately released when it wouldn't cause such a PR nightmare. Now is what happened to Green nearly that bad? No, but it's still a shitty way to find out you no longer have a job.
If Scott Coker suddenly starts wearing a leather jacket and showing his teeth when he smiles, his transformation will be complete.
Next we have the 185lb guy wearing 265lb muscles, Bobby Lashley. Bobby is Fake Sting here. He's the cheap off brand knock off Brock Lesnar. If Lesnar is Coca Cola, then Lashley is one of those 3 liter bottles of Vess Cola you can get for 99 cents. He's there simply to fool people just like Fake Sting was.
And much like when the ruse was up (not really) when the real Sting walked out during War Games to confront the imposter, as soon as Bobby has to face a real fighter he'll be exposed (once again) as just a bulked up Middleweight who gasses out from top control.
Then we have Stephan Bonnar subbing in for Macho Man Randy Savage. I know this comparison would work a whole lot better if it was Forrest Griffin headlining the next big Bellator card against Ortiz or Bonnar, but I gotta to work with what I have. Also I already said in part 1 that Tito Ortiz is a Hulk Hogan stand in.
Like Randy, Stephan has been involved with a steroid scandal or two which ultimately lead to his (temporary) retirement. But because Stephan and Tito have no real history, we were "treated" to one of the worst worked shoots Bellator has pulled since King Mo called his boss a dick rider. Not only did they pull this rivalry out of thin air, but they saw fit to throw The Black Scorpion into the mix via a masked Justin McCully.
As an aside, I know I wasn't the only person watching who went "And... who the fuck is this guy? No, seriously, who the fuck is this guy?". Their big shocking surprise just left people scratching their heads and wondering why they should care.
If you know your wrestling history, you know that Hogan and Savage had about 3,284 matches together, and Randy always came out on bottom. Eventually he would join the nWo and later fight for control of the group, but I'm half expecting them to pull a Finger Poke Of Doom when they fight next month.
And finally, while it's not really a comparison to the nWo, we have the situation with Eddie Alvarez. When it was announced that he would be facing Donald Cerrone at UFC 178, Bellator decided to air a video special of his old fights to counter program the PPV. This is very similar to what the WWF did after Hall and Nash jumped ship and started making waves, they brought out two totally different wrestlers dressed as their old gimmicks (Razor Ramone and Diesel respectively) and had them get the crap beaten out of them over and over again week after week.
This was because the WWF owned those characters, and they figured this was the best way to show that the gimmicks were worthless as were the guys who used to portray them. No, it didn't make a lick of fucking sense then, and it still doesn't today.
If it's announced that Randy Couture is the big signing that Coker has promised, that he's coming out of retirement for another fight with Ortiz, then that will make him Rowdy Roddy Piper.
P.S. Yes I know Fake Diesel went on to become Kane.