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War Machine prison blog Week 13 So this week a guy in a different module punched a deputy. Most of the Deps here are cool but a couple really deserve a beating. Unfortunately the one who got hit was fucking 5 ft. tall, female, and nice as can be! Fucking lame! If you're gonna do somethin' stupid like that, make it count! Do it to one of the bully Deps on a power trip. Not a nice, tiny chick! Sucks, I hope it doesn't ruin her attitude at work & I hope she's okay. Anyway, AGAIN I'm back to working out daily. This time I'm not gonna stop though! I'm sick of feeling UN-Spartanlike! LOL! Seriously, it's crazy how fast I deteriorated! My 1st week here I could knock out 100 push-ups easy, 20+ pull-ups too. NOW... LMAO!! Fucking 50 push-ups is a struggle! And I can barely do 10 pull-ups!! Disgusting. I should kill myself! LOL! Fuck that shit, I'm gonna get back with it! So anyway today I got good and bad news on our gym in Austin. Good news is that the only other big gym in the area just went out of business so we're gonna have no competition! The bad news is that my two SEAL homies are having trouble securing the loan. We need more capital! If we can't get it then Ryan volunteered to do mercenary work in the Red Sea guarding oil rigs against pirates with his sniper rifle! Sick huh!? He'll get $1100 a day, tax free, for 30 days straight! 1 month on, 1 month off. So either way, the gym is still a go! On another note, I got a big, nasty cold sore (herpe if you wanna be a dick) on my lip! Ugh! I hate 'em. My Dad & lil' bro had 'em growing up but I was lucky not to. Then at The Citadel there was an outbreak on the campus from the barber shop & like 25 cadets got them! The 1st time was on my forehead but now once or twice a year they come to my lip! So gross! And everyone keeps asking, "What happened to your lip?" LOL! In the streets, medicine knocks them out quick but in here it takes like a week to see the doc so it's not even worth putting in a request. By then it'll be almost healed. Oh yeah, I read about the UFC FINALLY adding the WEC's lighter weight classes to the roster. SICK! Even sicker is now my boy WEC Champ Dominick Cruz will be the UFC Champ!! Awesome! If you want to treat War to a sandwich or to buy him some stamps so he can write you, you can do so at: sdsheriff.net Jon Koppenhaver #10754342

War Machine's newest prison blog: I was just reading the newspaper and came across an article about lions in South Africa. It said that a place there raises lions in captivity and "hunters" from the U.S. pay $40,000 to go on the propery and kill the animals. Anyone who wastes 40 G's to kill a defenseless lion, in a small fenced park, is a fucking scum bag. Cowards.. Prolly the same kind of guys that get drunk and start a fight and then call the cops when they lose, claiming they've been "assaulted." Anyone who condones hunting large game like lions or elephants can stop being my fan/friend now cuz I hate people like you. Anyway, I had to get that off my chest, ugh. Let me tell you somethin' funny & gross. So all these dudes in jail have those thick, nasty toe nails, the yellow ones. It's fucking gross! But I guess when you spend most of your life in the pen you never really are clean, and that fungus goes rampid. Anyway, I'm terrified of getting that shit! Ever since I was 12 and got a case of athlete's foot, my dad told me to pee on my feet in the shower and I've never gotten it since! Well in here, I'm taking it to the next level, and every other day or so I pee in a bowl in my cell, and soak my toes in it! Haha! Sounds nasty but I DGAF! I'll kill myself if I had those nasty toe nails! UGH! I had a new celly for a few days but he's gone now, he was a cool guy, but I HATE having a celly! I love it when I'm alone like right now. It's way easier to keep my cell clean and just so much better all around. Others love having a celly but I don't understand it. I've always valued my time alone. I play Scrabble by myself too. I pretend I'm playing other people.. Mac Danzig beat my ass at a game last week but I creamed @bensaundersUFC! It's funny, I'm playing vs. myself but sometimes the score is crazy lop-sided. I guess there's a lot of luck involved with the letters you draw. Anyway, more next week. Thanks again for all the mail and gift packs - I really appreciate it! Can't wait to get out and put on some great fights for you guys! sdsheriff.net Jon Koppenhaver #10754342

War Machine's newest Prison blog "I got an interesting piece of fan mail this week. The guards wouldn’t give it to me but told me what it was. It was from Canada and included a letter, a piece of gum, and a dollar bill… lol. I assume it was from a kid, I asked the guards to at least give me the letter and return address but they wouldn’t… dicks. Anyway, I’ve noticed some changes here since when I first arrived. It used to be a lot more racially segregated. Like in the 1st couple weeks the Mexs & Whites very rarely even spoke to the Blacks and NEVER lent them things or traded with them. No Black EVER sat at another races table and we never sat at theirs. Now we always talk/B.S. with them, trade shit, and occasionally sit at one another’s tables. Every time a new person, of any race, comes into our module, at first they act all uncomfortable and try to talk about how it’s "supposed to be." Anyway, 2 days later they’re doing the same shit as we are. I can’t help but take credit for the changes! Basically, I hate all humans equally, so to me I just talk to whoever I am drawn to, if he’s Black, White, or Mex.. Doesn’t matter to me. Shit, I’d rather hang out with one cool black dude than 10 lame ass white ones, you feel me? After some subtle suggestions to me, that I kept ignoring, I guess everyone saw it easier to follow the trend rather than try and fight me. A big part of that I’m sure has to do with the fact that I’m a fighter but also that I’m likeable and a natural leader. I thought I was going to get my 1st write-up this week when I lost my temper and called a female guard a bitch… lol. She freaked out and had me put into an isolation cell for a couple hours but didn’t write me up, which is very surprising, but I’m thinking she decided not to because she knew she was being one! =) Man! My body is turning to shit! If there is no reason to stay out of trouble for me more! Ugh… I swear. It’s depressing. I’ve never led such a lazy, sedentary lifestyle – it’s pathetic! Definitely reason enough to NEVER come back to jail! God, I can’t wait to train/fight again! My coach Baret Yoshida sent me his instructional book this week so I could do some "mental training," learn some new moves and shit. But I’d give anything to be allowed to train just an hour a day. So BORING! So keep the mail coming! It helps take up the time! Thanks for all the support!"

Another War Machine blog from jail: 3 months done! Doesn't seem like I've been here that long. I hope the next months fly by in the same way! I finally got fed up with growing all this damn body hair and took advantage of the privacy of temporarily not having a celly, and I shaved. Man I feel better! I don't know how other guys can stand that shit. They think it's gross if a girl has a "bush" and yet they have pubes longer than their own dongs! LOL! Anyway, still the same ole boring shit here... I think I've broken the world record for the amount of times someone has "spanked it" in one day many times over! LOL! I finally got on a steady workout regime. I was getting skinny & fat at the same time... UGH! What else... man these guys here have all kinds of lil' tricks! They've even developed ways so their friends can send them stuff in the mail. The jail checks all the mail we get too, but it still gets by! I don't understand why anyone would want to be high on meth or heroine or whatever and be up for days on end in here with NOTHING to do, but plenty of them do it. It'd be easy to come to jail clean and leave a junkie. Glad I'm not one to fuck around with shit like that. It's a huge business thogh. I hear stories of guys in prison literally getting RICH while serving life or long sentences from selling dope. Crazy. And SO MANY of the guys here have Hepatitis C!! I don't know how easy it is to catch but it makes me nervous being celled up with someone who has it!! That would end my fighting career! One more reason to avoid fighting in here though, last thing I want is that blood on me... ugh! So a few of the cops that work here at the jail told me they were curious and "Googled" my name. They told me that they watched the surveillance footage of the fight that landed me here. Unanimously they agreed that it was bullshit! They told me they can't believe I got charged and nobody else did. Furthermore, they said it was ridiculous that I received a felony as a result. I already knew this but it's nice to have police officers share the opinion. At most, I should have gotten a misdemeanor battery, lame. Watch for yourself. YouTube search "War Machine Bar Brawl." Either way, I shouldn't be out drinking and putting myself in situations where problems can occur, but I just hate the fact that I'm labeled as some arch criminal, bully, when it's not the case. The bouncer I fought in Vegas was my co-worker and was 6'3" 350 lbs. The fight I got into at the porn party was me vs. 7 guys and I was NEVER EVEN CHARGED because the cops/DA ruled it self-defense. Don't believe the hype/media. As a professional, I'm always respectful in the cage and I put on entertaining fights. When I'm free again, I won't put myself in shitty situations and these mishaps will be behind me.

More War Machine blogs from prison My gay cellmate is really starting to get on my nerves. Just because I don't judge or hate him cuz he's gay doesn't mean I wanna hear gay remarks towards myself. I almost had to slap the shit out of him the other day, he was getting too comfortable but after putting the fear in him he's not acting straight as can be... lol In a different story, one of the guys here turned up in an article in the paper for an attempted kidnapping. In the spirit of keeping peace in the tank, I went up to his cell, and I told him it'd be best if he went to "PC." He told the guard that he thought he was in danger (and he was, as I could only momentarily keep fools from smashing him). The guard however blew the situation off for more than 2 hours and eventually somebody went up to his cell and beat on him. They then locked us all down & went cell to cell asking us if we saw anything. I said, "Yeah, 2 hours ago I saw him tell YOU that his life was in danger and that he needed to be moved but I guess YOU didn't want to do your job." LOL He didn't like that too much so it's no wonder that when we ordered commissary that night my order was "lost" which meant no snacks all week! =( Most all these cops here are real nice to me. I may have to change my attitude towards them, I guess after all, the majority of them just come to make a dollar. That being said though, a couple of these guys are fucking DICKS! It's funny though, the cops that everyone hates here are cool to me, and the cops that everyone likes are dicks to me! WTF!? LOL! Anyway, I started working out again this week. Feels kinda good but at the same time makes me miss real training. I can just imagine how rusty I'm gonna be when I get out... Ugh! Whatever though, ain't shit but a lil' obstacle and God knows I've encountered plenty of them along the way. Speaking of God and all that, I just read the book "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" I've always believed that the Bible was edited and certain things omitted, but wow. That book sheds a lot of light on things. With the way our modern governments twist shit and lie, it's really no surprise that it was done then and even to a greater degree. I wonder if somewhere, maybe locked up in the Vatican, the REAL unedited Bible exists? Whatever though, at the end of the day all anyone can really do is follow their conscience. It must be there for a reason. Maybe that is the real "Bible" & it's inside each of us. I'm willing to bet that if you follow that, any "Heaven" will let you in. ---------- Finally had to kick my celly out. Fool got on my last nerve. And not 2 hours later, I already got a new one sent in! Ain't that a bitch!? I HATE living with people! Fuckers always making lil' messes, snoring, and talking. I don't like talking all the damn time. Dudes see me reading and yet still just wanna jaw on, WTF? And I guess football season started because that's all they show on TV now... I HATE watching sports! Especially with 40 dudes I don't know who act like their damn brother is on the team by the way they yell & scream. I'unno. When I was a kid, I loved football, but these days I don't even pause when I see it on TV while surfing channels. If I wasn't trying to be a "good boy" I'd get in trouble so I could go to the "hole" for a while and relax. Enough bitching. On a different note, I may have to change my name to Reading Machine... lol. I really enjoy it! I think it's another thing Man is losing out on due to technology. No one really reads anymore or at least I know my friends and I didn't. I'm gonna continue to do so when I get out. I found a bad ass author named Conn Iggulden who wrote a couple of series about Julius Caesar & Ghengis Khan. It's "historical fiction" but doesn't stray off the path of truth much at all. I love learning about ancient warriors. But yeah, I urge you to those books. Thanks for the continued e-mails/letters of support! I can't wait to get out and fight for you guys again! ---------- Finally getting back into decent shape in here. Too many weeks of eating cakes and being sedentary got me soft! LoL! Jail is so fucking BORING!! OMG! Thanks again for all the e-mails/letters. It really makes the time go by a bit smoother. So, my module had it's first lil' riot this week. Whites and the Mexicans got down. I could care less about this gay jail political crap, plus I'm trying to stay out of trouble, so I backed against the wall in my fight stance. Not willing to engage but at the same time not gonna let anyone rush me. LMAO! I might as well have been a ghost! They saw me there, clear as day, but no one was brave enough to step up. Afterwards the other Whites were mad at me for not helping... I told them if they had a problem they can come to my cell. No one volunteered. I don't need anyone to back me up and I sure as Hell am not gonna risk more trouble/time protecting some lames that I couldn't care less about. Anyway, I read in the paper that @jessejane is gonna be dancing at De Ja Vu on Midway in San Diego. You should go support her if you live in SD - she's a cool ass girl. So I'm fascinated with Ghengis Khan. I've been reading about him and I think he may have been the hardest mother fucker to have ever walked the earth! Boy was I screwed over to be born in this time period. Warriors are a thing of the past, no room for them these days. What a shame.