People seemed to enjoy a comment response I made to Pat and Mookie’s wonderful "Hater’s Guide" so I thought I’d put this into a (regular?) fanpost.
I was honestly a little conflicted because I do feel there’s a lot of unnecessary negativity around, but I decided to do this just because it’s SO ridiculous that no-one should be able to take it seriously at all. I would like to point out that one of the great things about BE is how positive and enthusiastic so many of the staff writers have remained. Dumb nostalgia, pointless bitterness etc: these are mind cancer, and all-too-prevalent on the internet. The elbow has become a place where a lot of that guff has been successfully avoided.
So a round of applause for the writers who manage to project some real positivity into the MMA sphere
like a big bunch of dumb fuckin... care bears, or some shit.
Let's get bitter.
Puzzlingly overrated journeyman who likes getting tapped out takes on puzzlingly OLD "prospect" who likes tapping people out. Sounds like a lock? Well... no. Erick Silva combines the athleticism of Melvin Guillard with the looks of a boyband member, the cardio of a chainsmoking Overeem, and the fight IQ of... Melvin Guillard. The best thing you can say about this terrible main event is that someone is going down in flames early and that it will be funny.
Disappointment Derby Part 1- remember when we thought that Costas Philippou and Lorenz Larkin might actually be something? No. No. Me neither.
Going up in weight to a deeper division… but why? Because the 155 pound division is Shangri-La for that endangered species known as "Mediocre But Semi-Flashy Strikers." It's a maaaagical place where they only get matched up with other MBSFS, or grapplers with no wrestling. After Erik Koch dusts bottom-tier MBSFS Darren Cruickshank, expect him to move onto such "awesome" matchups as "A TUF Brazil BJJ Guy That He Can Style on", followed by Makdessi, Pearson, Barboza or Njokuani. All this hopefully culminating in a totally undeserved #1 contender’s match with the then-rotting corpse of Donald Cerrone. "Koch Head." Jesus wept.
Soa Palelei LOOOOLLL ahahahahahaha. He’s 2-0 in the UFC! He’s probably going to be 3-0! ggndiso\;ngdsgnds\ng;\sdgmjnloskdmjlnm lmfaoooooooooooooooooooo
Chris Cariaso is solid undercard gold- an action fighter with a rigidly defined ceiling. Watch as he finishes everyone below a given skill level, gets destroyed by everyone above it, and shows no improvement, ever! Meanwhile, his opponent continues to show that there’s no terrible ring name which can’t be made worse by Hawaiians. "Da Last Samurai" can probably take this, just because Cariaso takes from 5 to 15 minutes to realize that he’s actually in a fight and should probably do something about that guy hitting him in the face and taking him down.
Ed "Pokemaster" Herman continues his quest to lose to every single BJJ specialist who has ever fought at middleweight.
"I wanna lose, to grappling guys
In each and every fight
But actually not quite.
I will travel across the land
Searching far and wide
When they try to take me down,
Then they won’t be deniiiied...
Grappling guys! (gotta lose em all) It’s you and me
I know it’s my destiny
Grappling guys! When my arm bends
From a lock I can’t defeeeeend"
etc and so forth.
Disappointment Derby Part 2. A matchup between a Japanese "prospect" and a guy all-too-willing to prove that flyweight accomplishments outside the UFC aren’t worth the toilet paper they’re printed on. Horiguchi will probably win. Not because he’s any good, but because Asian fighters like to save the big reveal that they are garbage for a moment which will cause maximum heartbreak to well-known weaboo Dallas Winston.
Oh no. Two grappling specialists, one with weight-cutting issues (8 pounds?), the other who is profoundly unathletic. Sludgy gassed horrorshow incoming.
Why? neland. Because beating up scrubs is easy and profitable. Also because FS1 cards keep him away from Rogan’s execrable commentary. "He keeps his HANDS down because he’s JUST SO CRAZY ATHLETIC that he can get away with making these HUGE TECHNICAL MISTAKES. It’s like he’s MOCKING HIS OPPONENT! So CRAZY!" If you’re somewhere in Midwest ‘Murica the next time Wineland is on a real card, turn down your TV, crack open the window of your trailer, hush the piglets... and listen. Real careful-like. Hear that high pitched keening noise on the wind? That’s Connor shrieking in rage and pain.
"Check it out, Fezzik. Joe Rogan must be doing striking commentary"
is a dick often acts in a manner consistent with that of a man who is a dick (IN YOUR FACE Zane. Can’t ban me!).
Possibly the most epic clash since Galera-Wee. A TUF Smashes dropout against a man who took Aaron "literally held together with spit and duct tape at this point" Riley to a split? The saddest thing will be that one of them can actually get a win.
Get hype for a "prospect" who was outwrestled by the worse Marajo Bro. Yeah, not Yuri. The other one. Or don’t get hype. At all.