FanPost

Breaking News: 24 Hours Pass Without An MMA Atrocity Occurring (Satire)

MMA fans around the world sat in stunned silence today as they collectively realized that a full 24 hours had passed since an MMA fighter attempted a murder, failed a drug test, called someone a f**got or n**ger on social media, choked a porn star, or soccer kicked a kitten.

Seasoned MMA reporters agreed that this might be the first such 24 hour window in the 20-something year history of MMA since 9/11, when, as one MMA reporter put it, 'There wasn't really anyone around on the streets to fuck with and Twitter hadn't been invented yet.'

At UFC headquarters in Las Vegas, employees gathered as the 'Days Since Last Inhumane Fuckup' sign was set to indicate 1' for the very first time, only to be disappointed when nobody could locate the '1' sign.

MMA announcer Gus Johnson, reached for comment at his California home, had this to say:

'These things just don't happen in MMA.'

3,000 miles away, incarcerated UFC fighter Thiago Silva agreed, shanking a fellow inmate in the neck with a shiv when he heard the news.

Back at UFC headquarters, staff were relieved to abandon the search for that goddamned '1' sign.

'Business as usual,' noted the company's President, Dana F. White

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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