Picture the scene(s) - Kid Nate is attending his seventh birthday party of the day. Brent Brookhouse is happily babysitting his new daughter. Chris Hall is auditioning for a role on 90210 (guess which one). Mookie Alexander is off exploring dingy S&M clubs in Brooklyn. Anton Tabuena is kicking it with the ONE FC ring girls in Singapore. Fraser Coffeen is two-stepping on a bar after a leaving a bunch of tequila shots and two injured bouncers in his wake. Steph Daniels is stuck on the phone with a guy from Glasgow that makes no sense. T.P. Grant is negotiating for his own release after research on a Gods of War piece about The Iron Sheik went a little sideways. Dallas Winston has 14 dissections to write in 14 hours and his laptop just blew up again. Zombie's busy getting gifs of Anton's friends. Oh, and I'm four beers in to All You Can Drink Saturdays at a bar down the street.
You're probably asking yourself one question right now - where the hell is Tim going with all of this?
Well, the purpose of the exercise above was to point out that the BE staff members lead busy lives, and sometimes we weren't able to be 100% on top of every single thing every single day. We needed some new blood. So we went out and got it, and they've been extremely impressive thus far.
This fanpost is a chance to learn a little more about your favorite new writer. Oh, and not all of it is going to be true. This will be like a fanpost version of the British panel show Would I Lie To You.
For the record, I should have written this weeks ago since they've all been around for a little while now, but you try passing up All You Can Drink Saturdays. And Fridays. And Wednesdays. Anyway, here we go (in no particular order).
Zane Simon - Zane was born in a cave in southern Dagestan, and has been mastering the art of the suplex since he was six. After he moved to the United States, he learned to speak English by watching Pride shows so he sounds a lot like Bas Rutten. I also suspect that he has a slight case of OCD, because he has become our go-to guy in terms of organization and he seems to enjoy it a lot more than a normal person would. Nonetheless, he's done an awesome job of streamlining site content and he's always on top of the latest news. He has churned out some great history pieces too. You can reach him at @TheZaneSimon.
David St. Martin - DSM is a black belt in the little-known and under-appreciated art of MMA database building. When you click on a fighter's name or an event name and get sent off to a fancy page dedicated to that person or event, it's because of David. He's also the reason that we had to get rid of Pants Off Fridays at BE, but we'll save that story for another time. Hell, I don't even need to make stuff up about DSM. Here's what he has to say about himself from his own SBN page: "He spends the majority of his time defying death and impersonating Brad Pitt, but also moonlights as an international jewel thief if the mood should strike." He's also a well-connected news hound that has already broken big stories for us and isn't afraid to cover the stuff that the rest of us tend to gloss over (sorry Invicta). You can reach him at @SaintMMA.
Connor Ruebusch: Connor came to BE after a horrible zoo accident left him without the use of one of his toes. Sadly he hasn't quite forgiven the ibex for her transgression, but he has channeled his anger into some excellent Judo Chops covering the striking of many elite fighters. He's a busy man and his lawsuit against the zoo will probably take up a lot more of his time, but we greatly value his excellent contributions when he has the chance. You can reach him at @ConnorRuebusch.
Matthew Kaplowitz: Also known as The Fight Nerd, Matt has carved out a niche as a great writer with killer sideburns. He was also a world champion in Muay Boran before he was deported from Thailand for not shaving off said sideburns. Matt regularly attends shows and covers them for The Fight Nerd website, and we are lucky enough to have him posting some stuff on BE as well. You can reach him at @thefightnerd.
Matt Roth: You might know him from such specials as Open Letters with Kim or his stint as the dance coordinator on Glee. He also moonlights as a defensive end/H20 distribution manager in the NFL. Anyone who has been around here for a while probably knows who Roth is, and he has happily taken his place back at the top of the ugly tattoos leaderboard here at BE. He'll be contributing stuff when he's able to get off of a barstool long enough to get something accomplished. Wait, I just described myself. Oh no, I'm like Matt Roth. I guess I better go out and find somebody to ink a surfing T-Rex on me. He can be reached at @MattRoth512, or at your local watering hole.
On behalf of the Bloody Elbow staff, I'd like to formally welcome you and thank you for your amazing contributions thus far. Let the hazing commence.