Inside Meisha: Based on a true Argo


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It was deep. I had never been put in such a precarious position before.

I've been with men.

I've been with Brian. I loved him so much. It was weird. He had the body of an in shape, 17 year old, still going through puberty. He wasn't having any luck with the high school sluts and whores. He told me, "Honestly, Miesha, muffin-poo, I was confused. I knew that I was still growing, so my "package", you know. But still..." God, I hated that whenever it felt like my baby B-Car would open up to me, he shuts down. Incomprehensible, like a Diaz brother. "But still, but still." Good Lord, shut up sometimes.

However, I love that he's like a woman sometimes with all these roller coaster of emotions. It really makes me comfortable in my own skin. Throughout high school I was pretty developed (I think it was the summer after 6th grade when it began, so I was about 11-12). I think what made me so self conscious was that the other dumb girls made fun of me. I was butt-girl for the next 2 years. The worst two years of my life. Later on, I realized they were just jealous and insecure like I was.

I was afraid of women. Girls that looked my age t e r r i f i e d me. That's why I ended up joining the boys wrestling team. I wasn't entirely comfortable here either, but it beat mean girls. (Hated that movie, Eff Why Eye. Brought up a shitstorm of unpleasant memories.) I'm sure I got a lot of "Miesha's a lesbian, she likes wrasslimg. har fucking har." Look at me now, bitch! Where you skanks at? Stripping for "college"? Knocked up, finding out ya man cheated on you from Jerry Springer.

*side note - does the question mark go in the quotations or do I have it right!? Ugh, I'm so stressed. Brian, I need to talk to you tonight, if you're reading this!

Anyways, back to the point. Brian has the body of the boys on my team, and the mind of a 15 year old girl too. I think, he's my fill in of a troubled upbringing. I never experienced the girlfriends, and was to unconfident to be with a boy, yet. He gives me both.

Miesha moment : Girl, what's up with Fallon Fox? Why everybody be giving they damn opinion on her, so disrespectfully, shit! Imagine an entire Ultimate Fighter with Fallon Foxes. Not a typo, purposely spelling it Foxes.

You might be wondering, "what the shiz? Miesha, the hell u talkin bout homegurl? Why u bringin this old bullshit up?" Well, I'ma explain, friends. I felt I was misunderstood during the build up to the fight with Ronda. I hope this backstory explains my awkwardness, and self-awareness. Like, damn dog, I couldn't just "take it easy", Ronda reminded me of my past. Counter-transference, bitch. So...

Yeap, I fought admirably, as they've said, but so incredibly foolishly. It was indeed deep. Ronda had me deep. I was trapped between her legs, there was no escape. I was all hers. I had her back too, then I was forcefully put on my back. Never again. Never again. I unloaded a few shots on her face, though! That's some consolation. I feel it Ronda's going to have to not JUST armbar fools.

Snap. Crack. Whatever. Onomatopoeia. Then it happened. I didn't know it at the time, but my hidden power was unlocked. Yes, I tapped in the end, but it showed in my next fight, against JK. She was having her way with me. My chest was throbbing from all the push and side kicks. She gave my head quite the shellacking. But my power to o v e r c o m e, was prevalent. I overcome. Always. I might be down, but I will overcome, I promise you.

And who do I have to thank? My dedicated boyfriend Brian? No. He "knows" who he is. My Canadian Champ. My Middle Eastern Merman.

Thank you, Ariel, for everything. Mazel tov :) !!

As for Ronda, I will see you next time on... The Ultimate Fighter.

*** message for Cat Zingano ***

You think youfunny? calling me sugar tits. Get off me, honey. you took your husband's last name. Don't sass me, til oua woman like me. Cat's don't like dog. Girl, I am a mothefucking dog right now. And I haven't ate since 1992. You best watch yourself. That kitty gonna purr. Me-ow.

( I do not claim any of this to be true, there is no evidence any of this are the thoughts and feelings of Miesha Tate or Brian Caraway. This is satirical in nature. I have no personal connection to either. I know nothing. All this is made up. Just throw the South Park disclaimer here)

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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