FanPost

Breaking: Nick Diaz Shows Up To Dinner Reservation

From the AP:

In what is being reported as either a strange occurance or the End of Western Fucking Civilization, UFC fighter Nick Diaz reportedly showed up tonight to his dinner reservation at a Mad Greens in downtown Montreal, Quebec, Canada, North America, Planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy. On time.

Diaz, in town to submit local favorite Georges St. Pierre in the first round of their UFC 158 Welterweight Championship fight, arrived with an entourage of scallywags, neer-do-wells, and general all-around mutherfukers three minutes before his 8:00pm reservation.

Despite Diaz' reservations, restaurant staff was seen scrambling to find accomodations for the Diaz party, who they had been told 'Didn't give a fuck' about Mad Greens March special, the Salad/Soup Combo Pageant.

When asked about his surprising appearance, Mr. Diaz responded 'What, Mutherfuker?,' before ordering a salad and an order of Minnestrone soup, which he proclaimed 'Perhaps the finest merging of beans and broth I've tasted outside the 209.'

'Um, look-fuck, like-if I don't order and masticate this fine bounty, no one's gonna do it for me, OK? It's fucked up around here, like, if I don't fucking eat, like, I'll die and shit, bro. I know Georges is running around, like, being fed fois gras in the back of his Lincoln Navigator, but Hertz only gave me a Ford Focus, bro. You ever tried to eat Minnestone in the back of a Ford Focus? They'll keep your deposit for that shit.'

When asked for a prediction for Saturday's main event, Nick cryptically offered,' Fuck, like, I don't know, it's whatever. Like, one day we could all be wooly mammals, you know? I work hard for this shit, my fuckin' shorts are loose-fitting, comfortable, and audience appropriate, I don't know, it's whatever.'

Surrounded by the jovial comraderie of his inner circle, Mr. Diaz seemed to relax and could even be overheard saying:

'Where you at, breadsticks? Where you at, mutherfukers?,' before leaving a $2.09 tip and departing for his hotel.

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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