Ronda Rousey to Star in Second Karate Kid Remake (SATIRE)

UFC women's bantamweight queen, Ronda Rousey, has once again scored a starring role in a major motion picture, this time a remake of The Karate Kid.

"We feel like the 2010 Karate Kid starring Jaden Smith was not a faithful recreation of the original film and with a talent like Ronda we have confidence in our reboot." Announced Ed Green, the film's producer. "But we are changing some things around and we feel she's perfect for the role of Tommy."

Tommy is not the principle antagonist of the film. He is the sidekick of villainous Johnny Lawrence, the role made famous by William Zabka in the original 1984 film.

"At first we thought about maybe making Ronda the main bad guy. But when we discovered that Tommy is the character who makes no moral progress over the course of the film we were like 'Bingo.'"

The director of the film, Joe Zwart, agrees.

"Yeah, Johnny hurts people, calls them names, and is generally a total douche, but he also has second thoughts as the film goes on, so we were like, 'that does not sound like Ronda.' But then we looked at the role of Tommy, who starts the film riding a dirt bike drunk and ends it sneering at Ralph Macchio's character as he's writhing on the ground, injured. He also calls him a f** but maybe that was just Ronda's ad-lib."

The film's casting director approves of the choice of Rousey but with reservations.

"She might be able to pull it off but honestly, I don't think she has the emotional range or inherent pathos for a character who spends the entire film laughing at the misfortune of others and never learns even the slightest lesson about himself or anyone else. She just doesn't exhibit that kind of vulnerability or range. I think her ideal role would be an alien from the movie Alien. Or maybe the monster from Cloverfield. She might be able to pull that one off."

We caught up to Ronda dressed in a skeleton costume as she chased, assaulted, and taunted children and those weaker than her. When asked if she was rehearsing for her upcoming movie role she said, "What movie? I do this every weekend."

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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