This is a satirical post written by a Bloody Elbow community member and does not reflect the actual opinions of Lorenzo Fertitta or the Bloody Elbow editorial staff.
Hi, I'm Lorenzo Fertitta. I'm the Chairman and CEO of Zuffa LLC, and not a gangster.
I am the person responsible for putting Vitor Belfort against Jon Jones in the main event of UFC 152 for the Light Heavyweight Championship.
"Lorenzo" I hear you call, from my private helicopter over Rio, "Why is Vitor Belfort getting a title shot at 205lbs? He hasn't fought there since 2007!"
Unfortunately I can't reply, because by then i've passed over your head and you wouldn't hear me, sorry.
I DID have one of my office staff take a break from finding the UFC 151 fighters new bouts to write out my top 8 reasons why Vitor Belfort is the perfect opponent for Jon Jones at UFC 152 though. You're welcome.
Reason 1: Vitor Belfort chews ice like a boss. Did you see the video blog before the Anthony Johnson fight, where Johnson weighed in at 280lbs? I saw Vitor chewing that ice and I knew, instantly, that he could and would chew through his own arm if it got trapped under an Anthony Johnson. Or some other supermassive immovable object. That's the kind of man you want fighting for your title!
Reason 2: Vitor Belfort KO'd Tank Abbot. He literally KO'd a TANK. I've read the history of the UFC and Tank Abbot was a big deal. I don't remember his record but he had a badass beard and he knocked that guy out so hard he became a mummy. Pretty badass, right? Well Vitor knocked HIM out. Boom.
Reasons 3-8 after the jump
Reason 3: Vitor Belfort is super famous in Brazil. You have no idea. Vitor was on a daytime TV show in Brazil and he didn't even fall asleep or say he wanted to fight Tommy Morrison or ANYTHING.
Reason 4: UFC 153 was a really good card and no one had done anything to break it yet.
Reason 5: Vitor Belfort once beat Heath Herring AND Bobby Southworth in the same year. No other fighter in all of MMA has ever pulled that off. Look it up, Vitor is the only one. Jon Jones hasn't even done it.
Reason 6: Vitor Belfort knows JiuJitsu, He has a black belt from a Gracie and everything. He's just been waiting for the right moment to use it. Jon Jones will take him down and BOOM modified flying omoplata. I train with Dan Hardy, I know what i'm talking about here.
Reason 7: Vitor Belfort will flat out punch Jon Jones straight in the back of the head as hard as he can. To be honest if my reasons were in order of importance, this would be reason 1, 2 and 3.
Reason 8: Imagine if Vitor won. That would be fucking hilarious. I have a billion dollars, it would be worth losing a few million just to see everyone's faces if Vitor wins.
There you have it, 8 completely infallible reasons why Vitor Belfort wasn't just the Best choice, he was the ONLY choice. If you still don't like it, it's Jon Jones' fault.