What's up, bitches?! It seems like only yesterday that Season 3 of the BE Civil War kicked off and yet here we are with only 3 events to go until we know who gets to lift the metaphorical BECW trophy as the winners of the inaugural BECW Grand Prix. At the other end of the table, four teams will slug it out to decide a winner of the Subbevil Memorial Trophy in what is known as the BECW Bland Prix.
I'll get you the low-down on all the upcoming playoff action in just a minute, but please indulge me as I get a couple of things off my chest first.
- Despite some of the lackluster fights on the main card, I was quite satisfied with last night's action and thought it was well worth the $25 the UFC charged me (European prices, bitches). That tells you a thing or two about how awesome that main event was.
- I sincerely apologise for taking forever to get this recap up. When the PPV finished at around 7am, I decided to keep drinking for reasons unbeknownst to me. It felt like a good idea at 10am when I was eating freshly cooked quesadillas but I kinda started to regret it when I woke up at 2pm after three hours of sleep. All the bickering about short grabbing, controversial knees and whatnot didn't do much to soothe my hangover either. I think I know how Tito Ortiz felt when he had a cracked skull.
- These results are not final - once Silva gets rightly DQ'd for his part in ShoulderKneeGrab-Gate I am sure halitosis will shoot up to first place.
- The next event is in 3 days .... over/under on 3 pick missers?
- I cannot stress this enough: everyone MUST make picks for the final three events. If you didn't qualify for the Grand Prix, you're still facing off against each of the other three unlucky teams and even if you get knocked out of the Grand Prix, you'll continue on in a consolation bracket. Brenda nearly missed picks entirely yesterday because he thought the season was over for As Real As It Gets. In his case, he was actually right but for the 120 players who aren't affiliated with Tim Burke's sorry bunch of also-rans, you need to get your picks in.
- Actually, on that note: the beauty of the Bland Prix is that even though ARAIG's record-setting 0-7 season has them firmly ranked as the worst team in the league, they could still finish as high as 9th if they turn their season around. The only thing worse than being a member of ARAIG would be being a member of the team that finishes behind them in the Bland Prix ....
- And one small bit of advice for Tim Burke: you're not going to get better draft picks next year because your team went 0-7. And let's face it, #SuckForSubo probably wasn't a viable long-term strategy anyway.
Alright, if you've made it this far you'll be happy to hear the jokes only get worse from here. Numbers and colours after the jump ...
Actually, I lied. All the individual scores can be found in this spreadsheet while the pictures are all here. Instead of you guys having to scroll through endless tables, I'll post snippets where applicable. If you want to see how last night's action played out, the Live Spreadsheet is still available here.
Individual Scores, UFC 148
|4||#38 Zachary Kater||87|
|7||#5 hardy's in your face||83|
|7||#36 Patrick Wyman||83|
|10||#27 king of the dogs||82|
Strong event for a number of top picks, particularly afrotikiman who barely edged Waristotle to take first place. The rest of the Top 10 is made up of well-known names and former BECW stand-outs with Zachary Kater's 4th place finish coming as a surprise to some.
|125||#63 Scabby Knuckle||33|
|126||#59 Josh Hall||32|
At the bottom, fellow 3rd rounders halitosis and discoandherpes battled furiously but it was disco who came away with a remarkable 20 points. As the old BECW adage goes, one should quit when one's score is lower than one's age. Thankfully, disco picked enough winners to reach double digits and keep his place in the BECW.
Individual Scores, Overall
|11||#38 Zachary Kater||461||+16|
|15||#36 Patrick Wyman||455||+17|
Three top 10 scores saw tiki, Zater and everyone's favourite historian crack the Top 15 while POW and jafotinatos moved into the top 3. Still no change at the top as swiftman not only holds on to first place but extends his lead to 22 points. In the words of Joe Rogan: WHO CAN STOP THAT MAN?
Meanwhile, the biggest plummet in rankings among the top guys belongs to yours truly who stunk up the place with a score of 41, dropping me 21 spots from 22 to 43. Ouch.
|16||(C) Horselover Fat||453||-4|
|31||(C) Tim Burke||431||+8|
|68||(C) Violent Newt||395||-14|
|72||(C) Paulo Filho's Psychiatrist||392||+26|
|96||(C) Our Bovine Public||370||+4|
|101||(C) T.C. Engel||367||+1|
My ill-advised picks cost me my third place among the captains as IRodC skyrockets thanks to his outstanding UFC 148 score. Horselover is still the only captain who can truly be proud of his performance while OBP and TC are struggling at the bottom. I know you guys are British, but just because you drive your cars in a backasswards manner doesn't mean your picks should be equally nonsensical. Step it up!
|We Toquinho||568||-||503||Rampage's School of Cuckoldry|
|Patak's Chilli Pickles||626||-||560||Randy Couture's Dirty Boxers|
|Team Precise Precision||539||-||500||As Real As It Gets|
|Wario Yamasaki's Stand-Up Guys||562||-||529||Night of the Living Death|
|The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Cecil Peoples||689||-||629||Jon Jones' PR Agency|
|Beta Males||623||-||609||Off Constantly|
A superb performance from Cecil Peoples saw them crush Jon Jones' PR Agency even though The Agency posted the second-highest score of the night. Meanwhile, the Kimura Division had an off-night all round as TPP and Wario picked up wins with mediocre scores. Beta Males just edged Off Constantly while the Cuckolders suffered a complete breakdown, losing handily to We Toquinho while the Pickles of Doom finally ended their losing streak.
Would Peoples and Pickles' late heroics prove enough to land them a wildcard spot? Check out the final standings:
After being completely and utterly screwed with two events to go of the regular season, benten20 and his Poor Decisions have managed a remarkable turnaround, posting a consecutive top 3 scores to banish krcampbell's Cuckolders from the Grand Prix. My condolences to Mr Campbell but huge kudos to benten & co. for making the playoffs.
Beta Males easily held on to their first place overall and must be considered favourites to win the Grand Prix, nearly cleaning out their division and scoring a tidy 4455 points along the way. We Toquinho needed a win to ensure a first place finish in their division and land in the #2 Seed. In Martin Kampmann-esque fashion, Wario came back from two games behind to clinch the Kimura Division by the narrowest of margins, going 2-1 with division rivals and former top dogs Living Death. With the two teams in separate parts of the playoff bracket, is a fourth match for all the marbles in the cards?
At #5, Off Constantly pulled off a bit of a miracle as their 4063 points somehow netted them 4 wins while their divisional rivals from the PR Agency only managed 2 wins despite outscoring the Offbeaters by two points. In an ironic twist of fate, Living Death won the right to face the lowest scoring playoff team by virtue of losing out on first spot on the Kimura Division as Wario were set to face Off Constantly before Living Death's late season collapse.
Barely making it out of the tight Helio Division, Horselover's Dirty Boxers grinded their way to the #6 spot by virtue of total points. Fats might want to send a warm thank you to the Cuckolders who lost their playoff spot in dramatic fashion.
In our two wildcard spots, TPP join the Decisions as their 4099 points were enough to hold off the Cuckolders. Interestingly, TPP finish the season with a 4-3 record, going 1-3 against real teams and 3-0 against ARAIG. Can kreally's crowd pull off the unlikeliest of upsets when they face the Beta Males?
Grand Prix Matchups
There you have it. Beta Males take on kreally's group of gamma males in what should be a lopsided win for the dominant Betas. Favoured to meet the winner of Males vs TPP is Living Death although they will need to do better than their 10th placed scores in the past two events. Meanwhile, former teammates gspmademegay and benten20 face off in what should be a mismatch but is actually much closer thanks to Peoples' momentum. In the final first round battle, Scandinavian bragging rights are at stake as Wario look to molest the Dirty Boxers and secure a spot in the semi-finals.
Bland Prix Matchups
Remember, the Bland Prix is a round robin tournament meaning all teams face each other once - in other words, it's like the three first events of this season except shittier. The first matchups are Rampage's School of Cuckoldry vs. Jon Jones' PR Agency and Patak's Chili Pickles vs. As Real As It Gets.
I think that's it for now. Let me know if I missed something!