Why can't I sleep tonight? Well, certainly because my disgruntled demeanor doesn't adhere to that, but predominately because in merely eight hours is one of the greatest days in the NHL season, FIRST DAY OF FREE AGENCY!

If you are a true hockey fan, you should know who your team is targeting and what they need (with the exception of every Canadian team that got straight HAD in the Justin Schultz sweepstakes)

But just in case you're unaware or a casual fan since GODDAMNED LA WON THE FUCKING CUP WITH THEIR COKED-UP ACTORS AND ACTRESSES ATTENDING GAMES, AND BILL SIMMONS AND HIS HACK ARTICLES, AND NEWS OUTLETS WHO THINK THE KINGS PLAY HOCKEY IN SACRAMENTO, AND WHO STILL COULDN'T CORRECTLY GRASP THE CORRECT TEAM AND SPORT EVEN AS THE PARADE WAS HAPPENING OUTSIDE THEIR GODDAMNED DOORS...I'm presenting my rankings at every position, along with their previous team and previous salary based on value for the dollar.

So for all the nuttiness in roughly seven hours and change, I hope this thread gets mad nutty, son.

As always, Let's Go Pens:

Left Wings:

1. Zach Parise: New Jersey: 6.0

2. Jiri Hudler: Detroit: 2.9

3. Ray Whitney: Phoenix: 3.0

4. Dustin Penner: Los Angeles: 4.3

5. Daniel Winnik: San Jose: 1.0

6. Fabian Brunnstrom: Detroit: 0.6

7. Kristian Huselius: Columbus: 4.8

8. Steve Sullivan: Pittsburgh: 1.5

9. Alexei Ponikarovsky: New Jersey: 1.5

10. Brad Winchester: San Jose: 0.7

11. Ryan Smyth: Edmonton: 6.3

12. Ruslan Fedotenko: New YorkR: 1.4

13. Taylor Pyatt: Phoenix: 1.0

14. Patrick O'Sullivan: Phoenix: 0.6

15. Tanner Glass: Winnipeg: 0.8

16. Niklas Hagman: Anaheim: 3.0

17. Jason Blake: Anaheim: 4.0

18. Brett Sterling: St. Louis: 0.8

19. Brian Rolston: Boston: 5.1

20. Marco Sturm: Florida: 2.3

Centers:

1. Olli Jokinen: Calgary: 3.0

2. Jason Arnott: St. Luis: 2.9

3. Jay McClement: Colorado: 1.5

4. Dominic Moore: San Jose: 1.1

5. Kyle Wellwood: Winnipeg: 0.7

6. Jeff Halpern: Washington: 0.8

7. Daymond Langkow: Phoenix: 4.5

8. Jochen Hecht: Buffalo: 3.5

9. Jake Dowell: Dallas: 0.8

10. Zenon Konopka: Ottawa: 0.7

11. Adam Burish: Dallas: 1.2

12. Brendan Morrison: Chcago: 1.3

13. Ryan Stoa: Colorado: 0.8

14. Mark Cullen: Florida: 0.6

15. John Madden: Florida 0.6

16. Rod Pelley: Anaheim: 0.6

17. John Mitchell: New YorkR: 0.7

18. Ryan O'Marra: Anaheim: 0.7

19. Torrey Mitchell: San Jose: 1.4

20. Blair Betts: Philadelphia: 0.7

Right Wing:

1. Shane Doan: Phoenix: 4.6

2. Alexander Semin: Washington: 6.7

3. PA Parenteau: New YorkI: 1.3

4. Jaromir Jagr: Philadelphia: 3.3

5. Brandon Prust: New YorkR: 0.8

6. Jordin Tootoo: Nashville: 1.3

7. Radek Dvorak: Dallas: 1.5

8. Mike Knuble: Washington: 2.0

9. Arron Asham: Pittsburgh: 0.8

10. Brad Boyes: Buffalo: 4.0

11. Brad Staubitz: Montreal: 0.6

12. Mikael Samuelsson: Florida: 2.5

13. David Moss: Calgary: 2.0

14. Krys Barch: Florida: 0.8

15. Jamie Langenbrunner: St. Louis: 2.8

16. Ales Kotalik: Buffalo: 3.0

17. Andrei Kostitsyn: Nashville: 3.3

18. Joey Crabb: Toronto: 0.8

19. Tom Kostopoulos: Calgary: 0.9

20. Petr Sykora: New Jersey: 0.7

Defense:

1. Ryan Suter: Nashville: 3.5

2. Matt Carle: Philadelphia: 3.5

3. Bryan Allen: Carolina: 2.9

4. Jason Garrison: Florida: 0.7

5. Filip Kuba: Ottawa: 3.7

6. Bryce Salvador: New Jersey: 2.9

7. Greg Zanon: Boston: 1.9

8. Kurt Sauer: Phoenix: 1.8

9. Joe Corvo: Boston: 2.3

10. Stu Bickel: New YorkR: 0.6

11. Matt Carkner: Ottawa: 0.7

12. Milan Jurcina: New YorkI: 1.6

13. Sheldon Souray: Dallas: 1.7

14. Francis Bouillon: Nashville: 1.4

15. Mike Lundin: Minnesota: 1.0

16. Dylan Reese: New YorkI: 0.6

17. David Liffiton: Colorado: 0.5

18. Steve Eminger: New YorkR: 0.8

19. Colin White: San Jose: 1.0

20. Matt Taormina: New Jersey: 0.6

Goalies:

1. Martin Brodeur: New Jersey: 5.2

2. Scott Clemmensen: Florida: 1.2

3. Curtis Sanford: Columbus: 0.6

4. Johan Hedberg: New Jersey: 1.3

5. Justin Peters: Carolina: 0.5

6. Curtis McElhinney: Columbus: 0.6

7. Alex Auld: Ottawa: 1.0

8. Jonas Gustavsson: Winnipeg: 1.4

9. Ty Conklin: Detroit: 0.8

10. Chris Mason: Winnipeg: 1.9

11. Brent Johnson: Pittsburgh: 0.6

12. Mike McKenna: Ottawa: 0.6

13. Marty Turco: Boston: 0.6

14. Al Montoya: New YorkI: 0.6

15. Dan Ellis: Anaheim: 1.5

16. Justin Pogge: Phoenix: 0.6

17. Cedrick Desjardins: Colorado: 0.7

18. Yann Danis: Edmonton: 0.7

19. Sebastien Caron: Nashville: 0.6

20. Anterro Niittymaki: San Jose: 2.0