Hello. This'll be my first fanpost ever. Been lurking on the site for about a year now and figured it was about time to actually make a profile and be active'ish. I was prompted to post out of a situation that I'm still coming to terms with a little.

I've been doing BJJ and kickboxing for about 4 years now. I'm of the opinion I don't have a lot of great skill at either. In my first and only kickboxing match I was backed up with punches before being dropped with a hook to the kidneys. In grappling tournaments I'm generally that guy who's the stepping stone for everyone to get to the next part of the division in. I'm a career blue belt; it doesn't look like my purple is coming anytime soon; by virtue of my lack of ability to train more regularly.

Recently, a friend who I went to college with (I met him while tutoring him on one of his papers) who knows I've been doing BJJ for awhile asked a favor of me. He asked me to volunteer and help out teaching jiu-jitsu at a recently opened MMA gym focused on getting at-risk and underprivileged folks training at very affordable prices. Me, liking the idea of MMA as a way to keep kids from making bad choices and feeling that I was good enough to at least teach some entirely new guys (and being hilariously easy to flatter), accepted.

When I went last Monday, the space was nice. The owner of the gym and all the students were so friendly. I feel like I went through way too many moves for a first class, but I figure I could buckle down the next time I come in. What's interesting is that this whole arrangement has a very surreal quality to me. I've always been (and still am) the lagging student in my own grappling class that can't "quite" get moves, the guy who gets tooled on the mat as soon as he rolls with anyone of his own rank, the guy who has a waning sense of confidence after every tournament. But here I am, with a group of fresh potential grapplers who, to the extent of their knowledge, has at least part of the tools they'll need.

I'm struck with a sense of urgency now. That I have to get better, not just for my sake but for the sake of these young birds under my wing. People always say teaching something can help you get better at it. Here's hoping in teaching these guys, my purple belt won't be as far off as I think it is.

Also, if anyone has any suggestions as to where to start, it would be helpful. I'm working on closed guard stuff at the moment as an intro to controlling posture and breaking guard, then probably escapes, since I was always screwed as a white belt being stuck under mount or side control.