FanPost

BE Member Profile: tomvale13

Seeing as I am coming up on my 500th comment and am on the precipice of engaging in battle as a part of the BECW, I figured that due to being a relative new-comer to the BE-verse I could introduce myself to the community of which I have come to both admire and appreciate.

The obvious best way for me to do this, I decided, was to interview myself and do a small profile. A "Getting to know your BE newcomer" type deal.

First of all, let’s get the basics out of the way..

Name: Tom (tomvale13)

Age: 27 years youngish.

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BE: Hi there Tom, welcome to BE

TV13: Hi BE, thanks a bunch for having me.

BE: Tom we know you’re pretty new here, we know you like to post gifs and have blue-belt level MSpaint skills, but what else should we know about you – what do you bring to the table? What are your strengths?

TV13: Well first of let me just say thanks for having me here, I’ve always been a big fan and this is an honour. A real treat. My Strengths, well, I’m just hoping to be one of those guys who’s good for a laugh. I have opinions like anybody else but I don’t exactly wear them on my sleeves as such. Not to say I only wear sleeveless tank tops, but just that I am open to discussing a whole range of things and figure if you think you’re always right, then you’re probably not open to learning much.

BE: Interesting - and extremely well put I might add. A lot of members here at BE actually train in MMA, what about you?

TV13: Well in the same way that Lyoto Machida employs a base of Sumo and Karate, my base is a triple header of Krav Maga, Arm Wrestling and Thumb-fighting.

BE: Have you competed in the cage or ring before?

TV13: Not successfully, but my amateur street-fighting record is 0-33, although most of those fights I shouldn’t have taken.

BE: Injuries?

TV13: No, I’m just a complete pussy – but also short notice.

BE: Can you explain your career highlight?

TV13: Well, there was this one time in a line at a particularly busy port-distillery – I encountered a rather angry chap who decided he wanted to engage me in fisty-cuffs - I tried to execute a well-known K1 level Krav Maga trip technique, followed by a move I call the "Two-for-one" – which is basically when you try to arm-wrestle someone whilst also pinning their thumb with your own – but unfortunately I was slapped in the neck resulting in a rather serious case of what we call in the Krav Maga business "Unconsciousness". When I awoke my pants and several of my shiniest dollars had gone missing and I was also in a rhubarb bush.

BE: Brutal stuff. We’ve discussed your strengths, what about your weaknesses?

TV13: Look I don’t want to give away too much, but I’d have to say I have a shit-load of weaknesses. From windmills and cold meat platters to elevator buttons and Ryan Gosling..

BE: Ryan Gosling?

TV13: Yes, from what I can tell in conversations with my girlfriend – with the advent of 3d cinema he’s potentially the most serious threat to my relationship that isn’t my own poorly disguised alcoholism.

BE: Okay, so when you’re not on BE, what are you doing? What do you do for a crust?

TV13: Well when I’m not working on my side projects – the worlds most realistic synthetic Ryan Gosling mask and a single white glove with extended prosthetic finger add-ons for the exclusive use of pressing elevator buttons, I manage Quality Assurance and Software testing teams as an IT consultant/contractor.

BE: Hmm, sounds almost banal whilst being somehow high paying.

TV13: Quite.

BE: With the BECW coming up, you’re slated as being drafted as a new-comer – how do you think this will go..?

TV13: Well if the rest of my life is anything to base my guesses off, I’d say horribly – probably worse than horribly, but after seeing the brilliant performance Sarah Jessica Parker put in for the movie Sea-Biscuit, I’ve learnt that you can teach an old horse new tricks and am hoping that by never missing an event, being particularly average, on average, and by being a token Australian that I’ll avoid being obviously the worst guy out there.

BE: How has your picking history been before this?

TV13: Look, when you’ve made the picks that I’ve made in the past – somehow you’ve gotta look at the positives. For instance I picked Anthony Johnson over Vito Belfort, I picked Roy Nelson over Frank Mir because of a grappling fight they had whilst Frank Mir was in hospital after his motorbike crash, I picked Rich Franklin to out-muscle Forrest Griffin. Yeah, that was me.

BE: Being an Australian, this means you’re going to be the ying to most BE members, yang in terms of time difference – do you think this will affect your acceptance into the community?

TV13: I hope not, but see – here’s the thing.. I don’t have internet at home, I don’t use it at all on weekends. Being on a PC almost 10 hours a day most weekdays means when I get home I like to disconnect from the world – take some Tom time, work on my Krav maga techniques in the garage by punching at air and screaming "Krav Maga!!" whilst my girlfriend packs her bags and threatens to leave again. (she doesn’t understand my love for Krav Maga)

BE: Well I think that about wraps it up for us here, it’s been a pleasure Tom and we’d just like to wish you good luck in your picks and commenting future, we look forward to seeing you around and hope being on BE doesn’t infringe on your employment to the point of losing your job

TV13: Hey, no problems – my pleasure, and yes, there was a moment yesterday when I was MS-painting salami’s onto Alan Belchers legs when my area manager popped round to get a report off me, but I just pretended he wasn’t there and eventually he went away – so yeah, Lets Mutherfukers??

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Bluebelt level MSPaint skills in action.

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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