UFC 145: Renato Laranja Gives His Fight Predictions

Laranja graciously poses for press photos

Renato Laranja has made quite a name for himself in a relatively short amount of time. With his Fruits & Vegetables infomercials, acting roles and winning the Mundials more times than they've been around, it's no wonder that he is in such high demand. After receiving numerous requests, I decided to get his UFC 145 fight picks. The translation will be a direct one, with no cleaning up of his English, to provide the full "Renatch" effect, so get out your Rosetta Stones, and try to keep up.

Foreword:

I'm very excite about the card, and that the reason why I'm come here, since they don't have some Brazilian fighters in the whole card. I guess you're gonna need some Brazilian fighter who's gonna say some stuff about it, because I don't know why they gone away from that, but that's some other story.

Maximo Blanco vs. Marcus Brimage

Are you talking about the fights they having on Myspacey? I don't concern myself those ones. It bad enough I have to talk about the undercard. Caralho! Can't we start with the Mac Danzig for Christ sakey? I'm sorry for Maximo Blanco. He has to fight the black guy and he has a bald head. The Brazilian guy gonna win that one. (I think he meant Maximo, even though he's Venezuelan)

Chris Clements vs. Keith Wisniewski

I'm gonna go Chris Clements because he's on the same poster as me for the TapouT promo. I'm gonna pick him because if he don't look good, then I'm don't look good.

Mac Danzig vs. Efrain Escudero

I likey. That's a tough fight, but I likey. I'm gonna have to go Mac Danzig, even though his brother, that guy Danzig, the guy he play hard rocky and he was knock out by security guard backstage. I saw that up there on the youtube. I think Mackey gonna be a better fighter than that guy.

I think also Mac is a vegetarian, and he's been promotch fruits and vegetable. I think he's gonna be strong, have a lotta energy to take care of that guy.

John Makdessi vs. Anthony Njokuani

Anthony...how you say his name? It remind me in the 90's they have a, have a...his name is Kwame. He the boy king, but you don't know that guy. That was neither there nor here. He's to fight that John Makdessi. I think he's some kind of Arab guy that live in Canada that nobody ever heard. That guy. Anthony Njokukwame, he's too dark, and they say the dark the berry, is sweet for the guy to fight.

Also, if you hemember, there was a movie. Wesley Snipes in that one. It's call Passenger 57. In that Wesley Snipes say, 'Always bet on black.' You can say the same thing for the fight, that one. I'm gonna say first hound or early second hound knockout for that guy. Mackeydessi gonna get knocked out.

Matt Brown vs. Stephen Thompson

I don't think Match Brown is gonna stay immortal for much longer. I like Stephen Thompson. He's a young guy. He's up and coming. He's bring a karatch style to the UFC and we never see like him before. A karatch man don't be showing weakness. You hemember that from Trading Places? Eddie Murphy talk about that. He also talk about a quart of blood techneeky where he take a quart of blood from that guy body.

I think Wonderboy gonna touch him up the first hound, and then I think that Brown guy gonna want to wrestle. I'm thin Wonderboy gonna stop him from the takedown because he gonna kick him in the facey. Is gonna be the end for hound two.

Travis Browne vs. Chad Griggs

Caralho! That's a two big guys. I think Chad Griggs he more strong. It's tough because Travis Browne, he from Hawaii so that guy, he have a crew loose sometime. It can bring some bad spirit that BJ Penn have sometime. I'm on the fence that one. What's one you like for that? My mind wanna say Chad Griggs but my body wanna say Travis Browne. My mind is tell me no, but my body is say yes.

Mark Bocek vs. John Alessio

I'm incline to go for Mark Bochecky, because that guy, he have very good jiu jitsu. On top of that, he can look like the bully from A Christmas Story. He had yellow eyes. God help me, he have yellow eyes.

John Alessio, he have a lotta fight, but I'm not sure because his name sound like a Itchalian, but his body like a small Matt Horowitchy. He remind me of that guy.

Mark Hominick vs. Eddie Yagin

Mark Hominick is a tough guy. He's a good fight and have a lot of skill, but he have some bad luck lately, so I think they wanna throw to the guy a bone. That fight with Jose Aldo make Hominick like the elephant man.

He gonna fight that guy nobody heard of, Eddie Yagin. I don't wanna talk too much bad stuff yet. He's like a Filipino, and I know a lot of nice looking Filipino girls. I don't wanna burn no bridges with those.

Mark Hominick is gonna win that one. He has that one in the baggie.

Miguel Torres vs. Michael McDonald

Now you talk my language. I like Miguel Angel Torres, because I don't know if you know that he's one of my student. I train him. Even though he's a Mexican, I have decide that he can train with me. His jiu jitsu is deadly. He's very proud to be Mexican, and when he get to the ground, he call that style brown and pound. Don't ask me why.

The guy he's fight, I don't know why the UFC even do stuff like this, because that guy Michael McDonald is gonna get hurt. He's too old to fight. He shoulda never left the Doobie Brothers and go solo. He should go back to sing. I think Yammo gonna get knock out. He gonna be lying there saying, 'I keep fogetch I'm not in love' but he keep forgetch that he should go back to sing.

Brendan Schaub vs. Ben Rothwell

We have the pretty boy, Brendan Schwab. I think sometime this business is like who you know. I think just because he's helated to Charles Schwab, and he maybe give a lotta money to the Fertitta, they gonna give him the easy fight. I think they feel sorry for him to get beat up in Brazil. That's why they give to him that chubby white guy, so he can have some hevenge.

Don't get me wrong, I like Ben Hothwell. He haves a good heart, but he also have a chubby stomach, and also have some chubby cheek. I don't wanna talk bad, but Hothwell get tired and he need to sit down. They gonna throw a dog a bone on that one, and Brendan Schwab is gonna win.

Rory Macdonald vs. Che Mills

Hory Macdonald. I like Hory Macdonald very much. I think he tough enough in the game. I would be afraid to face that guy because when you look his eyes, it's like serial killer. I don't know where he get that name, the Waterboy.

That guy he fighting, Che Mills. I see some stuff for the guy on youtube. I don't think he fought anywhere besides youtube. I know he from Glaucomashire, England. Something like that. I'm confuse, because that guy look Puerto Rican or Dominican. Those guys usually know how to fight. They can usually slapbox, and they good at play handball and stickball, so he can have some skill from that.

I'm gonna take Hory Macdonald for that one.

Jon Jones vs. Rashad Evans

The main eventch. You guys gonna think I crazy for this one, but I'm gonna go for the black guy. He's gonna win this win because he more...athletic.

I think Jones is too athletic and gonna run circle around Hashad. He have a long heach, and he gonna make Evans look like Fred Sanford. That's to be kind, because it gonna get worse. Afte the first hound, he gonna look like Fred Sanford. After the second hound, he gonna look like Grady. In the third hound, Caralho! He might be look like Aunt Esther. You old heathen!

I like Jones to win in the third hound. I like Hashad. I think he have the make to knock out Jon Jones if he slip up and get too cute, but I think it gonna look like Jimmy Walker verse Fred Sanford.

Follow Renato via his Twitter, @Renato_Laranja

More UFC 145 Dissections
Hominick vs. Yagin | Bocek vs. Alessio | Preliminary Card Dissection

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