Most Exquisite Diary!!! My First 2 Weeks of BJJ!!! (Or, What Would The Great Master Paul Harris Do?)

Hi Mutherfukers! How is everyone going today?!?

Recently I won a free, 2 week personal training session with The Great Master Paul Harris, through his fanclub, P.S.Y.C.H.O.S! (PaulHarris Smiling, You're Crippled, Have Orthopedic Surgery!) Nevertheless to say, I was ecstatic for the opportunity to travel to Brazil to have my introduction to BJJ with the Great Master Paul Harris and thought I would share my experiences with my good friends at my favorite webpage BE!!!

To avoid a great many wall of texts, I'll break everything down into sections for your reading pleasure!!!


At the first, my trip was delay as I could not understand where to insert the credit card into the donkey! Then thank goodness my trip was final and I could be happy and relaxed to meet the Great Master Paul Harris! My first impression of Brazil was, all of the men look handsome like angry Enrique Iglesias and all of the women look so like Beyonce!!!

When I met the Great Master I was very nervous, he is very handsome and muscular!!!


And also very nice!


I told him please be nice, it is my first time. With the BJJ. We did some nice gentle warmups, transitioning from Rear Naked Choke, to the Omoplata, to many armbars, and he even lifted me high in the sky and trained me how to survive the slam by breaking my fall with the face:


Which really hurt! I thought 'BJJ is so hard!'

That's when we took a break to eat lunch.


Very curious of what The Grand Master Paul Harris ate to become such champion, I followed him to the bay, where he submitted great 17 foot Tiger Shark to eat raw. Very tough meat! But after he caught chicken running, which we ate live and our palettes were cleansed with proteins!

More Training!!!

Then he said, 'Paul Harris warm, I full belly-I ready for leglock you now.'

I said 'Great!'

Back at Grand Master gym, he grabs my leg and the next thing I know so many sirens are flashing and I have oxygen mask, like Mediocre Heavyweight Champion Ben Rothwell at the 135th UFC in Denver, U.S.A.!

Of course many ligaments torn and I am so sad, I have only 2 weeks to train with The Great Master so I think 'What Would Paul Harris Do?' and it makes decision to amputate so much easier for me!

Once More, Face To Face With The Great Master Paul Harris!!!

In 9 days I dont think The Great Master was expecting to see me so soon already!!! But I had come so far and needed to finish my training in the Master's BJJ Art!

At first Master did not seem too happy at seeing my puny face again, but upon seeing my one remaining healthy leg he unleashed such happy smile and said to me:

'Me-Toquinho! You-Toquinho!'

And I got so so happy because I knew he meant We Are One but later the friend of me probably explained that The Great Master was most assured just excite about my new missing leg appendage for which I owe him greatly!!!

Never has I been so happy as when The Great Master Paul Harris utter the next phrase he said:

'I excite for more leglock you!'


Of course BJJ is hard with zero now legs but still I eat daily yum yum sharkmeats and live chicken and miss the days of training my kneebars with The Great Master you see below my words here:

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\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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