Nick Diaz: Hero to Millions

Nick Diaz is a great man. Like all great men, he can sometimes be misunderstood. I myself have been guilty of this in the past, but I have since realized the error of my ways.

Greatness.

What this incorrigible rapscallion has managed to do for the advancement of society is nothing short of monumental. You know all those weird noises people have been putting on youtube? That's the Diaz Paradigm Shift bitch. The fact these noises occurred long before the Condit fight is inconsequential.

Nick Diaz has blazed a trail for millions of Closet Marijuana Users across the country, and I salute him.

This is not the place for discussing what rules were in place that Diaz broke. We are all painfully aware at this point that there was indeed a rule (asinine) and Diaz did indeed break it (awesome). If you came to beat that dead horse some more please wheel yourself back in front of the fire and I will bring you some nice tea and a blanket, I know how very cold grandma can get.

This is you.

I consider myself an expert on marijuana and it's effects on the gamut of human experience. Using myself as a guinea pig I have experimented continuously with marijuana for over 17 years. I have observed it's effects on myself and others for well over 10,000 hours, in every conceivable situation, all for the benefit of mankind. As someone who is intimate with the drug in question as I am, I would like to clear up some misconceptions I have been seeing with alarming regularity.

1. Pot in no way shape or form can be considered an athletic performance enhancer. Please stop with this bullshit because when you say this all you are really saying is "I have never used marijuana, and I have NEVER used marijuana then tried to do any sports, ever." On weed, you will run slower, you will lift less, you will quit sooner, to say nothing of the debilitating psychological effects. Yes, weed has a great effect on pre-existing pain, but pain inflicted while under the influence can feel many times worse then when not. That means it's worse to take punches, not better.

Weed is the Anti-Sport. If Diaz was under the influence of weed during a fight it would put him at a disadvantage, which makes him all the more fucking awesome.

2. Diaz did not test positive for Weed, but weed metabolites. Which basically means "There isn't weed here right now, but there totally just was, like, a little while ago. You just missed him." Which means he probably was not under the influence of marijuana at any time during the days leading into the fight.

3. Weed is awesome. Wait, what?

4. Ummmm.....

5. Diaz' weed use somehow prevents him from fighting regularly, thus "costing" the "fans." Horse shit. Diaz is one of the most active fighters in MMA. He was there to save 137 when GSP no-showed, and he saved 143 when GSP no-showed again, and he will be there in 6 months when GSP no-shows AGAIN. GSP drinks red wine. Need I say more?

So I was going somewhere with this.... Oh yea! Nick is throwing up the big ol Stockton finger to the Conservative Weed Suppressing Establishment. His Not give a Fuckness could be no more resplendent than it is at this very moment.

And lo, light descended from Heaven; and I knew Diaz was with me.

It shines, a beacon in the dark to those of us that maintain jobs, careers, families, academics... Lives. And we maintain them while nicely toasted, not hurting anyone, just like everyone should be able to freely do if they choose.

But we can't. We have to hide, we have to pretend to be something we are not. We have to cower in our homes, fearful of legal and moral reprisal, all the while existing in this horrifying societal cesspool of hypocrisy. Watching, waiting, anticipating.... A Hero.

That Hero is Nick Diaz. He says Fuck YOUR MOTHERRRRRRRS to that shit. He hits the bong while on conference calls and works on his mufuckin nunchuk technique. He blazes hard in his feverish fight preparations, throwin up mad fuckin gogos and hooks, claiming that his fighting career is getting in the way of his pot smoking. He would love to blaze more, but he can't because of all these stupid fuckin piss tests.

I can feel that. Can't you, good sir?

Go and drink 30 shots at the bar. Maybe you commit assault, drive home drunk, beat your wife, rape a chick, kill someone. Maybe you don't. Either way the government is cool with the whole situation.

But don't sit in your living room and smoke a joint, eat some food, and fall asleep. The government will FUCK YOUR SHIT UP.

Nick Diaz has had enough of this shit. And he is taking it to the Man one No Contest at a time.