What Eric Prindle Was Thinking When He Wrecked Thiago Santos's Nutsack

Below I present to you a series of letters between Eric Prindle and his wife, Marjorie. It bears a striking resemblance to letters sent home by Civil War soldiers, as presented by Ken Burns in his documentary, The Civil War. It may helpt to imagine it being read in the same way as the actors in that documentary read those letters. Better yet, you may want to play the unforgettable theme of that program, Jay Ungar's "Ashokan Farewell", while you read these letters.

November 25, 2011, letter from Eric Prindle to his wife, the day before Bellator 59:

My Dearest Majorie,

I hope this letter finds you well. I find myself in Atlantic City, awed by its lights and commerce. I have but twenty-four hours before the battle commences against Thiago Santos. They say he is a giant of a man. I am sore afraid. I have asked the Lord to protect me in my upcoming hour of need. Just know, Marjorie, that whatever happens, my love for you and our beautiful children keeps me aright. Please, pray for victory for me tomorrow, pray for my safety, and the safety of my opponent, and, most of all, pray that I don't get kicked, hard, in the testicles.

With Much Love,


November 27, 2011, letter from Marjorie Prindle to Eric Prindle, the day after the Prindle/Santos fight was ruled a no-contest owing to Santos's kicking Prindle in the groin:

My Beloved Eric,

The children and I watched your struggle. I confess, we were nervous before the melee commenced. It was all Derrick and I could do to watch the flickering lights from the television set; all of breaths were baited, our eyes, half-covered. We prayed, of course, as you asked; and we prayed especially hard for the final request of your previous missive. But, as you know better than any of us, it was not to be, and he kicked you, hard, in your yam bag.

I am sorry, my love, that your nuts are swollen up like water balloons, but know, this is part of God's plan. It will make you, and all of us, stronger.

You are in my heart,


March 15, 2012, the day Bellator announces the rematch between Prindle and Santos will be pushed back a week due to Prindle having "flu-like symptoms"

To Marjorie, My Light, My Life

With great regret, I had to tell my employers that I could not provide the service for which they had contracted me. Their physicians examined me, and discovered that I am besot with flu; but in truth, I think it is a pain in my heart, and a fear in my soul, that gets the better of me. My body aches with longing to see you again; we are separate only for a week, and yet my head spins, unable to focus on anything but the one thing I cannot have: you. My mind also returns me to my earlier strife with Santos, and I do not lie to you when I say that the thought of it shrinks my manjigglies.

Alas, my lovesickness and my terror have conspired to keep us apart for another week. At the end of it, there will surely be a battle, for there is no way that my adversary will be too fat.

Trembling but putting on a brave face,


March 22, 2012, the day Bellator announced that Prindle/Santos was called off because of Santos's being twelve pounds over the 265-pound weight limit:

My Beloved Eric,

God has protected us. He has rescued you from Santos's depredations and punished Santos for his gluttony. In truth, one wonders what makes Santos so fearsome, as outwardly he resembles nothing so much as a tall fire hydrant, draped in cellulite. But fearsome or no, we need not worry about him, for now you have a new battle, with Cole Konrad, whose passion for warfare sinks beneath only his love of milk.

Much Relieved,

Your Marjorie

October 5, 2012, the morning of Prindle/Santos 2 at Bellator 75:

My Dearest Marjorie,

A calm has prevailed upon me. I do not fear Santos as I did afore, for peace reigns in me. Our Lord Christ has, in his infinite wisdom, made me see that Santos wants to hurt me no more than I him. Our engagement will be one without recrimination, waged with honor, by two men who love the art of combat, not the pain of it. This time, no one will be smashed in his love puppies. I want to emphasize to you, my dearest, that the least likely of all outcomes would be one where Mr. Santos is axe-kicked in his kerbangers, right after I am explicitly warned against doing so by the official.

With a clear mind and a full heart,



Coda, via

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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