TWIQ: MMA Quotes for the Week of August 14 - 20

Krzysztof Soszysnki at the UFC 131 weigh-ins. Photos by Donald Miralle/Zuffa LLC/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images

NINE OF EVERY TEN FIGHTERS ARE JUICING CLAIMS SELF-PROCLAIMED NON-USER

"I would definitely say somewhere in the percentage of 85 percent of guys are definitely using, especially the guys who can afford it are definitely using. I would even go as high as 95 to 96 percent of the top level athletes that are definitely using it." - Krzysztof Soszysnki, on the ubiquity of steroid use in MMA. (MMA Fighting)

"You can clearly see it." - Soszynski, getting off topic and talking about Dennis Hallman's wardrobe malfunction.

"I even had someone talk to me about stem cell injections." - Soszynski. As the leading liberal MMA blogger on the web, I fully support a mass stem cell drive for the betterment of MMA.

"You're looking at stuff like EPO, and at least five or six different counterfeit drugs out there that people are using and they're not even detectable in the body." - Soszynski, not that Krzysztof would know what they are or anything...

"I haven't used [PEDs] for mixed martial arts. Back in the days when I was a bodybuilder, obviously it was a little different." - Soszynski. Wait, bodybuilding isn't clean?

NOTE: TWIQ IS SATIRE. BELIEVE IN NON-ITALICIZED QUOTES AND COMMENTS AT YOUR OWN RISK.

NO-GAY-RAH

"I have no prejudice against the gays, but I wouldn't train with someone who's gay." - Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. If you look to the sky, you'll find the Bloody Elbow Social Issue Bat Signal shining bright. (UOL Esporte)

"I have no malice, I don't take our physical contact as (something) sexual. But what if the gay person has that malice of having physical contact with me, of staying there grappling?" - Nogueira. Things that don't worry Rodrigo: Fedor's ground and pound, fighting an 800-pound Bob Sapp, Tim Sylvia pooping in the cage. Things that worry Rodrigo: grappling with a gay man.

"I would have no problems having a gay student in my academy, but I would rather not train with him." - Nogueira, whose gym has special pink mats for his gay students. Separate but equal!

GAMBLING IS ILLEGAL AT BUSHWOOD, SIR, AND I NEVER SLICE

"You think just 'cause he wasn't winning in MMA or knocking people out he wasn't born and bred for this sport you're crazy." - Jared "$kala" Shaw, on the boxing debut of Kimbo Slice. (Fight Hub TV)

"If you really know both sports you know that in mixed martial arts you have a much more squared up stance, there's takedowns, there's kicks...he's got a lot of things to look for. Now he's just looking at two hands." - Shaw. He's also 37 years old with a reputation for losing motivation.

"I think they're a joke. I think my father called it right. I think T.J. Thompson has too much dye in his hair. He forgot that he used to run around stripping for men." - Shaw. Someone alert "MInotauro"!

"Thank you, Dana White. You made a huge mistake and you, once again, made Jared Shaw smart." - Shaw. If there's two things that can get MMA fans to rally around Dana White, it's the UFC on Fox deal and Jared f***ing Shaw.

PHENOMENAL DELUSION

"If he didn't throw that kick, this would've happened to him. He knows that." - Vitor Belfort, on Anderson Silva's Big Boot of Doom at UFC 126. (Cagewriter)

"Craziest statement ever made. 'Listen, if he didn't knock me out I would've won that fight!' Yeah, okay. Maybe." - UFC President Dana White, getting into the TWIQ spirit. (Cagewriter)

"The problem with a guy like Vitor Belfort is he's one of the best in the world [but] Vitor is just inconsistent." - White. Kenny Florian is a choker. Vitor Belfort is just inconsistent.

"Maybe a couple of Akiyama type knockouts and maybe we are ready to see him face Anderson again." - White. Look for a 5000-word essay on Dana White's ignorance on back of the head strikes from Leland Roling, right here at Bloody Elbow.

WHITE NOISE

"In my opinion, Yushin Okami is the best fighter to ever come out of Japan." - UFC President Dana White. "Minotauro" Nogueira breathed a sigh of relief when Dana said "Japan." (MMA Mania)

"This guy didn't come up fighting cans and get this built-up, mythological record." - White. We're looking at you, Rikidozan.

"Not only, if he wins this fight, he'll get the credit he deserves, but he'll be the best in the world." - White. And with three of his last six wins taking place on unaired prelims, why wouldn't he get the credit he deserves?!

PARTING SHOTS

"It's not up to Dana White to decide if women should fight in MMA. If he doesn't promote it, someone else will." - Jeri Sitzes (MMA Mania)

"I don't know how a pothead is going to go and be so judgemental over medication prescribed by a doctor. I'll assume CryBJ has glaucoma and gets his weed from a "doctor" and I won't pass judgement on him for that." - Nate Marquardt. Now, here's a slideshow of the top ten potheads in MMA... (Bleacher Report)

"Come on, let's be f***ing serious. I'm already sick of f***ing stupid questions about head injuries and weak chin. It's f***ing bulls*** and honestly, it pisses me off. Who says? ... Do I look like a f***ing retired person or something? I don't understand. Next question." - Andrei Arlovski. One symptom of dementia pugilistica is "inappropriate or explosive behavior." So, yeah. (MMA Mania)

"We'll do pre-fight, post fight, with probably more FOX talent. We have a lot of guys here between Jay (Glazer), Gus Johnson now is a huge fight fan and does a lot of MMA." - Fox Sports Media Group President Eric Shanks. Gus Johnson's pre- and post-fight material will take place in a glass box of emotion. (MMA Heat)

"I'm not going to change my mind about retiring. ... I didn't want to go out because I had to go out. I didn't want that to be me." - Chris Lytle, who retires from fighting with a 31-18-5 record, and a 10-10 record in the UFC. Godspeed, "Lights Out." (MMA Junkie)

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