FanPost

Haterade: The 9 Types of Fighters You Love to Hate

 

As sports fans, we all have teams we hate. I was born and raised a fan of Ducks football. It is a gross understatement to say that I live for that team. It is also a statement about how pathetic my life is. My Dad is from Eugene, and my allegiance to his team was not optional growing up. As such, you will not be surprised to hear that I hate USC. Also Penn State, Ohio State, and Auburn. But enough about me.                             

Who you root for as a basketball fan dictates who you hate. Same with baseball, football, hockey, and so on. Hating fighters is often a different matter. I find the world of “fighter hate” to be an often confusing place. Sometimes the things that make one person hate a fighter make another person love them (e.g. Chael Sonnen). Often people demand reasonable justification, and a shitstorm ensues. If you need to find an example, just look up any article about Brian Stann and go through the comments section. Or you can just imagine an argument between your conservative grandfather and someone who loves the phrase “American Imperialism.”

My goal here is to go through 9 of the different categories of fighters you hate, why you hate them, and then give examples. I’m sure this list isn’t exhaustive, so feel free to add your own. It’ll be fun!

Disclaimer: I am keeping my opinions to myself here. The fighters I list below simply seem to fit the categories I have in mind. I do not hate all of them, or even most of them. However, if you read closely you will find one case where I do share my opinion. It’s like “Where’s Waldo”, but with words.

 

The Point Fighter

Whether it’s “lay and pray” or “jab and jive”, these asshats have found a way to win a fight without really fighting. Dear god, you hate them for that. The worst part isn’t even enduring 15 (or 25) minutes of agitation and/or boredom. You have to deal with those New Yorker reading, monocle wearing, brandy swilling fans who “get it” and love to call you Captain Just-Bleed because you want to watch something other than the Great American Dance Off. These fans make you want to “punch a hole in your monitor.”

Examples: Dominick Cruz, Nik Lentz

 

Mr. “I didn’t do it”

Nobody likes a cheater. But if you own up to it, apologize, and promise to be a good boy most of us can forgive you. However, if you continue to deny any wrongdoing in the face of evidence to the contrary, you come across like a 10 year old who just broke old man Jenkins’ window and won’t fess up. “No Mom, it wasn’t me. Two other kids came and stole my baseball and threw it through his window. I swear!” Or how about “ But Mom, I only did it because I’m moody! I must have low T!” We’re not buying it, just like Mom didn’t. These morons get grounded by the athletic commission and come back. But we won’t forget.

Examples: Josh Barnett, Nate Marquardt

 

He beat your guy

Nothing wrong with this person really. Oh, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THEY BEAT THE MOST AWESOME FIGHTER EVER AND RUINED EVERYTHING! We all have a little fanboy or girl inside us. Perhaps you grew to love the lethal high kicks of Cro Cop. Or maybe you thought the Ice Man was dreamy. When your favorites are crushed before your eyes, you can never forgive the monster who destroyed your dreams. Bitterness takes root. I have a solution, fair readers, that has worked for me: voodoo dolls.

Examples: Gabriel Gonzaga, Rashad Evans

 

Won a bad decision

It isn’t their fault. You know that. It isn’t like they kidnapped the judges’ children and held them hostage before the fight. But what if they did? There is no other conceivable explanation for how that fight was scored. Better play it safe, and jump on the “I hate Fighter X” bandwagon. Let’s all just hope little Suzy makes it home in one piece.

Examples: Lyoto Machida, Leonard Garcia

 

The Excuse Machine

Everyone loses, but not these guys. At least they don’t lose to their opponents. They lose to things like lactic acidosis and lingering neck injuries. Whether these excuses are true or not, the fighter comes across like an ungracious loser and a whiny punk. Oh, and if you win don’t do this either. You still sound like an asshole when you say “I just kneebarred this fool and I have MRSA, WHAT NOW BITCH!?”

Examples: Tito Ortiz, Shane Carwin

 

The Douche

Maybe this guy likes to make a habit out of taunting his opponents while he’s in the cage. Maybe he engages in over the top twitter wars with Brazilians. Maybe he’s named Michael Bisping. Whatever the action, this guy is a disrespectful douche. This is martial arts gol’durnit. Show a little respect for your opponent instead of spitting on them or saying your niece hits harder than they do. Now get off my lawn!

Examples: Michael Bisping, Nick and Nate Diaz

 

The Sanctimonious Asshole

They might not just come out and say it, but these people love to smell their own farts. They fucking love it. This fact frightens and disturbs you. Also they will not shut the fuck up about something they have done, how selfless they are, how humble they are, etc. Perhaps they think that their military service gives them a license to denigrate the pain of others. Perhaps the Sanctimonious Asshole thinks God himself came down from on high and decreed that they would be champion. What’s that you say? You think I have two very specific people in mind? Well why would you say that?

Examples: Jon Jones, Tim Kennedy

 

HE WRONGED ME!

I’ve been trying to make sure this post doesn’t get personal. I couldn’t resist this one. For my birthday a while back my wife flew my best friend out to Chicago. The visit was planned around one event: UFC 112. You see, my friend and I talk about MMA all the time. We’re both huge fans. But for some reason we had never watched a fight together. It was to be a magical night, full of high fives and perhaps a bro-hug or two. Then Anderson Silva walked into the Octagon and proceeded to take a huge dump on my evening. I will never forgive you Silva, NEVER!

Example: I think I made myself clear.

 

Just because

This is the guy you hate, but you just can’t figure out why. Sure you might fabricate some reasons, but deep down you know the truth. It’s like when you see someone walking down the street and think to yourself, “I bet that guy is a prick.” Why? Because he just looks like a prick. Don’t window dress it folks, embrace it. I know I have. I mean, just look at his face and tell me it doesn’t make you angry.

Example: Urijah Faber


\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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