An Open Letter to Kim Couture

via Facebook

Dear Kim Couture,

From this moment forward I'm referring to you as Kim Borrego. When you first got married to UFC legend Randy Couture, I was stoked. You seemed like an alright woman and depending on how factual your biography actually is, you were a casino executive in Las Vegas, making you at least sort of competent in business. You helped Randy develop the idea of the Xtreme Couture brand, something that he wanted to establish for when he walked away from the sport of Mixed Martial Arts. By all accounts, you seemed like a good person to be around. The fighters at Xtreme Couture never had anything bad to say about you and you formed a friendship with Gina Carano which seemed to keep her in the gym.

You decided to find common ground with your husband by training MMA and honestly, who could find a problem with a couple working out together. The health benefits from training MMA help in all aspects of life and staying in shape is important for someone in their mid 30s. But then you started to change. You started saying things that were absolutely ludicrous that made people think you were either crazy or had an extremely distorted view of reality. You would claim that the "Axe Murderer" Wanderlei Silva had to turn it on to keep up with you in sparring. You'd challenge the credibility of established fighters such as Erin Toughill, all while never having fought yourself. 

You finally decided to turn your hobby into a profession when you had your first fight in 2008. You left the arena with a broken jaw. You were determined to prove that because of your marriage to Randy, you somehow developed skills in just a few years that had taken your better half a lifetime of hard training to maintain. You signed a contract with Strikeforce, and despite your lack of talent, were given an extremely easy first fight in the promotion thanks to your adopted surname. You beat up that poor Ukrainian woman for almost two minutes before the referee stopped the fight. 

But then you found out what happens when you face a real fighter when you took on Kerry Vera. Kerry had been involved in combat sports since she was six and understood that bedding a fighter doesn't actually make one a fighter. She gave you a vicious beating that left you battered. On top of that, Strikeforce cut you. Ouch.

But no, that didn't stop you. Nor did the divorce from Randy. You kept the famous last name because really, who the hell is Kim Borrego? Randy said he'd continue to train you but I guess things got a little weird around the Xtreme Couture gym and you bowed out gracefully (you didn't). You then had the audacity to start your own fight team. You took your two years of MMA experience and felt that was enough to not just train fighters but corner them as well.

Your most recent fight in MMA ended in disaster and finally the community felt sorry for you. Sheila Bird submitted you with a scissors choke that put you to sleep. Unfortunately, the incompetence of the referee put you in significant danger. Instead of accepting the pity of the community, you've actually joked about the fight. This was your one shot at having people not hate you and you spit at them. And on top of that you now want to become a professional kickboxer? 

You entered with great intentions and helped create an empire for your husband. However, in a short period of time, you have overstayed your welcome. Part of the problem is that you never gave up that famous surname. You quickly recognized that by keeping it, people would always be willing to book you for an event, just so they can put "COUTURE" in big bold letters. However, that name is not yours to have and neither is this sport. I'm not sure what your talents in life are but they don't include fighting. I hope you find something that can make you happy. Just make sure it's not combat sports. 

Your biggest fan,

Matthew Roth

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