FanPost

Overeem and Dana: What Really Happened (Language!)

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pic via mmaconvert.com

I'm seeing a lot of speculation and whatnot regarding this Overeem situation here. Most media seem to assert that this is a genuine situation, and that there seems to be some sort of conflict between The Reem and DFW regarding his contract, or his pinky toe, or some other bullshit. I gotta disagree with that, I see nothing but smart business at play, as per usual with ol' Uncle Dana. Sure he's crazy. Crazy as a fuckin FOX! Watch this video, note how Dana is unable to mask his adoration of the Reem's Superhuman physique.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgUQ8X9ynsA

Dana's voice is pretty much normal "Look at the size, of fucking Alistair Overeem," then it rises like 6 octaves "LOOGIT THE FUCKIN SIZE OF THIS GUY! He's fuckin' HUGE!"

I would also like you to note Exhibit B: Dana first squeezes Overeem's muscle like any good purchaser of Livestock would, but more important is the change a moment later as Dana's callous grope becomes a gentle lovers caress. Yes Dana, Brock is bigger, but where is Brock now huh? I guess we need the next biggest thing now more than ever, don't we?

These are not the actions of an uninterested man. Here is how I imagine the conversation between Overeem and Dana going down:

 

Dana: "Dude. You are fucking huge."

Overeem: "Thanks."

Dana: ".... Mmmmm Hmmm."

Overeem: "..."

Dana: "OH! Sorry, got lost in my fuckin thoughts there."

Overeem: "No problem."

Dana: "So listen. We want you in the UFC. I think you're marketable. You're the K-1 Champion, the StrikeForce Champion, the DREAM uh, "Champion", so I mean you got titles hanging out of your ass."

Overeem: "Thanks."

Dana: "And I mean, for the Hardcores, you're the lineal UFC champ, whatever the fuck that means, and you're the lineal PRIDE champ, since you did technically beat Werdum, who took it from Fedor. Man, Fedor. I hate that fuckin' guy, y'know? Russians."

Overeem: "Ehh... I have nothing to say about that."

Dana: "Okay whatever. What I was saying is you got the credibility too. With the fans, I mean. Factor in that you look the way you do, I mean, jesus christ, look at you, you are a fuckin freak. You actually do eat horses and shit, don't you?"

Overeem: "Ehh? Yes? I eat many things."

Dana: "Fuckin awesome. Anyways, we put that fuckin UFC marketing machine on you with all our hype videos and shit and a couple half hour specials? People will be eating that shit up, I can do a million buys easy if I match you with the UFC champ straight out of the gate. But not if you get sat on by Bigfoot or Barnett. Fuckin Barnett."

Overeem: "Ehhh.. I don't think that would happen. I would most likely knock either of them out?"

Dana: "Fuckin Barnett. 'Piss in my mouth'? I'LL FUCKIN PISS IN YOUR MOUTH ASSHOLE!"

Overeem: "Ehhh...?"

Dana: "No no, not you Overeem! Sorry, got a little carried away there. Anyways, what I was saying is, I think you are contracted with StrikeForce, not SHOWTIME, like that Fucking Russian Fedor. And I own StrikeForce, so all we have to do is come up with some shit to get you out of the tourney, and then I can get my Superfight and I don't have to worry about you getting Knocked the fuck out by Sergei, because that could totally happen."

Overeem: "I don't believe that would happen. I would most likel-"

Dana: "MAN! I'm looking at fuckin Wikipedia right now and it says he ALREADY DID KNOCK YOU OUT! What the fuck?!?"

Overeem: "Ehhh... Much has changed since then. 40lbs of whupa-"

Dana: "No. No fucking way dude! There is no way you are fighting in this tournament. Come up with something by tomorow, I don't care what, but you are out of this tournament bro. Don't even worry about it, I'll keep you in horses and shit until we can get you matched up with Cain."

Overeem: "Cain? I don't-"

Dana: "And remember, come up with something good! We can't let those fucks at SHOWTIME figure out what were up to."

Overeem: "Okay. I'm on it. Hmmmm..."

 

Thus Overeem comes up with the brilliant stratagem of "I hurt my pinky toe. I cannot fight by September." I wonder if anyone at the press conference can verify if The Reem stifled a high pitch giggle when he said that?

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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