"STOCKTON, MUTHAF*CKA!" : Joe Rogan on GSP fighting Safe, Diaz, Man Crushes, Iron Mike and More

I don't know about you guys, but I am excited as f*ck for GSP/Diaz in October. No other fights so far this year, with the exception of Shogun/Bones, have that special golden giddy retardedness that I normally reserve only for pre-2010 BJ and Fedor. I have already ordered my "Don't Be Scared, Homie" T-Shirt (Large), have checked out plane tickets and ghetto fabulous Vegas hotel packages, secured my passport, and have begun to plant hype-seeds deep within the psyche of Brazilian Hotwife. To paraphrase my favorite homosexual former child prodigy physician: "My balls are so wet."


Because I think GSP is going to lose.

That's right, I am a Canadian un-fan of GSP. It's allowed. It's not like I didn't love the guy in the beginning, when people would call him "Rush" without an ironic smirk and derisive laugh. He spun, smashed, and back-flipped his way into my heart, all the way to the Welter-Weight Championship.

"This guy is wearing a karate gi to the cage? Oh, fuck yes." That was me, right up until they caught him cheating in the second BJ Penn fight. I couldn't believe my clean-cut Karate hero would do such a thing. Dana and BJ have since convinced me otherwise.

 A boring or safe style I can forgive, but cheating combined with the safety dance was to much for me to bear. I was, and am, a GSP fan no longer, and I cannot wait until someone finally serves this foo his lunch.

That someone is Nick Diaz.

My personal journey with Nick has been quite the polar opposite of my time as a GSP fan, beginning with the pre-fight interviews of Nick's fight with Diego Sanchez. "Who is this chump? How does he deserve these big fights and hype? I BEEN DOIN THIS SON!" was what Nick said, or something along those lines. I was fresh off watching the inaugural season of The Ultimate Fighter, and was recently terrified by the type of ground game Diego and Forrest brought to the table. Being purely a stand-up guy, confident in my one-hitter-quitter Shotokan game, I had no idea what to even suggest to the fools experiencing the Nightmare that is Diego's top control (formally, Diego has since become a Dream of his former self. I kill me). Diego really showed me the importance of knowing what to do if a guy is on top of you, and made me a big fan in the process. 

And then here is Nick, talking so much shit with such a perpetual scowl I was sure he was abused at some point in his obviously troubled childhood. We have all dealt with people like this in our lives, the dude who is a little b*tch on the inside but will talk an incessant amount of shit in order to convince the world how f*cking Gangster they are.  "Diego will murder this punk with techniques I don't even understand." I opined, smugly to myself (no one else was watching in 2005). Nick proceeded to give Diego the fight of his life, and more than a few people thought he won the fight based off damage and attacking off his back. My uneducated and Diego-partisan brain didn't agree, and in fact I felt justice had been served. I continued to hate on Nick Diaz, firmly in the camp of "He's a fake ass Gansta crushing TOMATO CANS in SF" over the years. I am a big Jason Miller fan, and the Nashville Incident and Nick's conseqent Miller Ducking only added more juice to my Haterade. God, did I hate me some Nick Diaz.

This is right about the time Georges uses grease in his fight with BJ, and then proceeds not to finish anyone for like 5 years straight. I am really beginning to not like GSP.

Then Nick spends the entirety of his next fight standing and banging with one of the most feared strikers in the WW division at the time. The WhiteMare, Akuma Himself- Marius Zaromskis. Keep in mind this dude was coming off three (3!) consecutive 1st round headkick knockouts. I was calling him Mini-Cop, and I wasn't the only one. Nick, quite simply, did not give a f*ck about the cemetary full of heads at Marius' feet. He talked the shit, and slapped Marius around like a little b*tch for 4 or 5 minutes. Once again my partisan brain would not allow me to fully appreciate the glory that is Diaz, mired in the loss of a new age of Right Leg Hospital.

But, deep down, Donny Downs, if you will, I was begining to really like Nick Diaz.

Especially after he tapped Mach in like a minute.

Then he outboxed the professional boxer in KJ Noons, while talking an insane amount of shit. Maybe this isn't a gimmick....

Evangelista Santos, a man who does battle with heinous demons on a nightly basis, and weilder of savage Chute Box Muay Thai, was slapped around and made to feel his leg kicks would be better suited to Tai-Bo and tapped, in under 6 minutes. Also, shit talking. Lots of shit talking.

Paul Daley is, without a doubt the hardest power puncher at 170lbs. Able to knock any man sensless with any of his 8 points of attack, and British. Not "Jolly good Bob's your uncle" type of British, but "Oi av sevro gold teeth and would wuv to FACKING SMASH you mate"  type of British. Not a single fuck was given by Diaz that day, and he proceeded to stick his chin out, drop his hands, and say "WHAT BITCH" in the opening seconds of his bout with Mr. Daley. At this point, I am officially in man-love with Nick Diaz, regardless of the outcome of this match.

The outcome is Daley wilting under the pure force of Nick's personality and doing a stanky leg that would make Rashad go "Dayyy-um! That is a fresh stanky leg, I gotta start revising mine!"

I am convinced, this is not an act. Nick Diaz is straight f*ckin gansta, and Al Madrigal and Joe Rogan make this point far more relevently than I ever could. I just made that word up, feel free to use.

I am, now and forever, DOWN WITH DIAZ. Go and google that phrase and tell me the picture you find isn't the greatest f*cking thing you have ever seen in your life. I'll wait, go ahead. You're welcome.

This is not the place for an in-depth breakdown on how the play-by-play is going to go down with Georges. I will however give you an abbreviated form whilst you salivate in anticipation of said Shoto-Breakdown. There will be:

1. Shit Talking.

2. BitchSlapping (On Georges).

3. Man-Love (Greasy).

4. Fuckin' Gogo's.

And deep, donny downs, Joe Rogan feels the same way. Here is what you came in for, thanks for reading my rant, may you realize the realness that is Nick and fall hard in man-love as well. Just don't listen to him speak and you'll be ahight. Skip to 2:14 for the good stuff, but the whole podcast is worth listening to, as it is everyday.

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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