FanPost

That just happened: May in MMA



May is over. May was.... eh. Prolonged. But that doesn't mean cool shit didn't happen!

ASS-WHUPPING OF THE MONTH

Travis Browne vs. Stefan Stuve

Stefan Struve is so Goddamn tall he needs FAA clearance to throw a flying knee. When he (theoretically) throws a jab, his fist is in a different time zone when his arm is fully extended. I say theoretically, of course, because Struve has no fucking clue WHAT a jab is. Struve is a 6'11 heavyweight that fights like a 5'11 heavyweight. He walks in and throws these fucktarded hooks with no regard for range. Against guys like Paul Buentello, Roy Nelson, Travis Browne, Christian Morecraft and DENIS FUCKING STOJNIC he wanders into their range and gets his face split open. This is idiotic, and it got him knocked the fuck out by Browne. Get your shit together, Stefan.

JOE SON MEMORIAL TESTICULAR TRAUMA OF THE MONTH

Michael Chandler vs Patricky Freire

Sometimes you see someone get kicked in the sack and you wince. Gabriel Gonzaga crushing Chris Tuchscherer's balls into a gonad goulash comes to mind. Sometimes it makes you giggle. The Maz's "I HOPE that was an accident" in the Cheick Kongo - Mostapha Al-Turk exchange of sacktaps, for instance.

Michael Chandler's prolonged assault of Patricky Freire's carne asada is a whole other category. It was like every time I posted, Freire's mantackle got further pulped. Chandler's strategy seemed dependent upon Freire being unable to dislodge his nuts from his throat. How the fuck Freire was unable to stay standing is beyond me.

 

YO, MY NIPPLES ARE HARD JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS

Cheick Kongo vs Pat Barry

What's getting kicked harder: Kongo's legs or Barry's pelvic paladin? I don't know. I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT TO FIND OUT.

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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