With the recent spate of fantasy tournament posts we have here at Bloodyelbow, now is the perfect time to make another. People never get tired of the same sort of articles posted over and over again, surely.
If the Bloodyelbow MMA World Cup is an exercise in silliness, purely for fun. This event is, on the other hand, deadly serious.
To those fans who remember the days of style vs style, the freakshow spectacle, the all-round horribleness of the early UFCs, I present to you the inaugural Ultimate Fighting Children.
The four best kids in their respective martial arts have been chosen to compete. There will be no sweeping of the leg here, Johnny.
Representing wrestling, we have Stevo Poulin. With wrestling's proven potency in the world of grown ups, Poulin is the early favourite to win this whole tournament.
Representing Muay Thai, we have Million Manhoef. The diminutive Dutchman is son of the absolute psychopath that is Melvin Manhoef. The ability to hit people in the most fragile parts of the body with the hardest parts of yours is apparently genetic, as Million demonstrates.
Kidhoef is another highly regarded competitor due to his father's experience in the ring, cage, and in your nightmares. It has yet to be seen however if Minihoef also inherited his dad's complete unwillingness to defend himself. The Manhoefs hate brain cells so much, they want to kill their own.
Representing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, we have Ethan Achee. This kid learned how to break bones before his had fully calcified. He will put you to sleep before naptime. He is the toughest test for young Mr. Poulin in what will surely be a fight that will put John McCain into a rage-induced coma.
Here we have Achee displaying how a smaller fighter can defeat a larger foe - BJJ Black Belt Tim Credeur.
Achee also displays the most normal hairdo out of our tournament entrants. Seriously, what the hell, parents.
Representing boxing, we have Bam Bam. Here we have the Art Jimmerson of the competition. The kid may have skills to be a good professional boxer, but he will get taken down in seconds. Bam Bam is better off in pro boxing, where he can go up about 300 weight classes and win about 657 belts in different promotions before he reaches adulthood.
We also have a Special Superfight.
This superfight brings together two well known combatants in an open-weight confrontation.
First, we have Chucky Liddell.
And his opponent, Shinya Aokid.
Lidd'l Chuck is the fan favourite going into this match due to his larger size and ability to keep it on the feet.
Aokid's only chance is to drag the fight to the ground. The crybaby submission wizard has exceptionally poor stand up skills owing to the fact that he isn't old enough to walk.
The wild card for the main event is Chucky's seemingly unnatural muscle gain.
This dark cloud hangs over the sport, a barrier to mainstream acceptance of minors maiming each other in no rules cagefights.
So there we have it. The first tournament of its kind. Who will win? Please post thoughts in the comments.