WELL, HE WON'T BE DOING IT ONLINE ANY TIME SOON
"I would love to play poker with director Kizer, I'd clean him out. He's got no poker face. He'll tell you it straight, he'll tell you exactly how it is." - Chael Sonnen, following a meeting with Zuffa brass and NSAC executive chair Keith Kizer. Sonnen fell in to hot water with Nevada after his hearing regarding his testosterone use is California in December. (MMA Fighting)
"When I got face-to-face with Chael, his explanation totally changed but it still made no sense. He finally explained something about his manager but it was all really strange." - Kizer. Sonnen claimed that he had spoken with Kizer about therapeutic use of testosterone. (Pro MMA Radio)
"I represented to them that I had a conversation with Kizer and he approved my medicine use. That is not correct. ... My manager had the conversation. ... So director Kizer is absolutely correct. ... Now, I wasn't attempting to mislead anybody, but they're my words all the same, so I should have to answer to Kizer." - Sonnen, taking a page out of Senator Jon Kyl's "not intended as a factual statement" defense.
"And he told me I could come before his body as soon as I got done with the federal thing and look forward for a second chance." - Sonnen. Snicker. He said, "Come before his body." Snicker.
"There are four issues involved here. One is his PED use. He's claiming now that he used testosterone for fights here in Nevada. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. I don't know." - Kizer, who holds Sonnen to such a degree that he won't accept an admission of guilt as a truthful statement.
"The second thing is being dishonest. Not to me, but to the California commission. That's who he was disrespectful for." - Kizer. There's a good chance that the members of the California commission have no idea who Chael Sonnen is.
"The third issue was with the referee. ... Sonnen after the meeting wrote me a long e-mail and he told me he wasn't honest with people after the (Paulo) Filho fight (in the WEC) and he had verbally submitted and he'd been frustrated because he'd been doing so well." - Kizer
"The fourth issue is his legal case. Every fighter has to list on their applications if they've ever committed a felony and he has to check 'yes' on that now because he pleaded guilty." - Kizer
"Sometimes when you dig a hole, you have to keep digging." - Kizer, with your moment of Zen.
YOUR WEEKLY JON JONES REPOSITORY
"Jon is always trying to say the right things and be perceived a certain way. Just keep it real." - Rashad Evans, on former Team Jackson's training partner Jon Jones. Here you go, Rashad. (Pro MMA Radio)
"A finish has been possible several times and it has always been me finishing him. I never did it out of respect that he was the elder of the school. It's against protocol in a way. Some people would do it but I believe in tradition." - Jones. No problems breaking an agreement that preceded his entering the gym, though. (ESPN)
"He brings integrity, he brings class, he's good for the industry and he's good for the sport. And most importantly, you need to do what's good for sport. I get real frustrated with these guys who are just in it for themselves." - Chael Sonnen, Republican, promoting personal sacrifice for a greater cause above free-market self-interest? (MMA Fighting)
"I think it broadsided [Rashad Evans] ... and I don't know - that's a ho-move. And a ho-move deserves an ass whipping." - "King" Mo Lawal. And after the ass whipping? The oral sex. (Five Knuckles)
THE ONE WHERE GREG JACKSON ACTS LIKE A GUY WHO DOESN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER
"I told Greg no and Greg went to Phil Nurse and talked to him about it and tried to convince Phil to convince me to let him on the team. Chris Luttrell is pretty much the guy that's Greg first guy. He's from way back in the day. He told Chris that he wants Jones because he's the wave of the future. Ask any of those guys and they'll corroborate my story." - Rashad Evans, who has filled the crater left in the wake of ABC's decision to cancel All My Children. (Pro MMA Radio)
"Greg was really hard-headed about it. Greg said we'd never fight and we were brothers. I trusted Greg with my life so I finally said 'to hell with it.'" - Evans. Jackson later clarified that he meant that Jones and Evans were both African-American men.
"Keith didn't like it either because he was fighting up-and-coming guys and he was concerned he'd have to be in a situation where'd he's be forced to fight Jon to keep his job. It took Keith a really long time before he was comfortable enough to even train with him." - Evans
"I talked to Phil Nurse the other day and he told me that he feels like crap because, 'you told us this was gonna happen and we didn't listen.' I say this because I don't want people to feel sorry for me. It wasn't about him being on the team. What's done is done." - Evans
"It was a snake move and I don't like snake moves. Be a man." - Evans, coming out as an Axl Rose hater.
"The last thing Greg [Jackson] said to me was if you can't trust your friends, you can't trust anybody." - Evans, providing the bookend for sexual assault innuendos.
THE WEEK IN CHAEL
"I had contact with the UFC, I reached out to them. I said, 'Guys, give me the worst guy you've got under contract' and you've got to understand, my focus has been in a lot of different directions. Dealing with the federal government is a tough thing. Losing a title fight that you put everything into is a tough thing.'" - Chael Sonnen
"I called them up and I leveled with them, I said, 'Give me the worst guy you've got under contract.' They said, 'Chael, Wanderlei won't fight you.'" - Sonnen. Zing!
"I said, 'Alright, give me the second worst guy you've got under contract.' They said, 'Chael, how many times do we have to tell you -- Cro Cop's a heavyweight.'" - Sonnen. Zang!
"I said, 'Alright, is there anybody available? How about Bisping? Is his dance card open? And they said, 'That might be a possibility.' That's where we left off. That just isn't my focus. My focus is making things right with Director Kizer." - Sonnen
"Jon Jones is not the hot topic of 205 pounds. The hot topic that everybody should be talking about is that he's been the champion for three weeks and not one coward at 205 has challenged him. Not one guy has called him out and said, 'I want to fight that guy.' If you're all scared of a 23-year-old kid, turn your gloves in, sign your pink slip and show yourself the door. ... All these guys want to tell everyone they're in the UFC, but they don't want to have to carry the heavy water. Challenge Jon Jones if you're at 205. But what do you expect from a weight class that allowed a karate guy [Lyoto Machida] to be champion." - Sonnen
"My competition is the NFL. My competition is Major League Baseball. My competition is these other networks." - UFC President Dana White. The NFL and MLB brings in close to $10 billion in annual revenue a piece. If the IFL and Affliction and Strikeforce weren't in competition with you, then you are no in competition with the NFL and MLB. USA Today)
"We want to encourage people to come clean. ... We revoked [his fighter license]. On top of the PEDs, he committed this fraudulent act.. You have to wait at least a year before you can apply again and once he applies again, everything is still on the table." - NSAC Executive Chair Keith Kizer. Translated: "We want fighters to come clean so that we can hammer them with more punishment! NSAC! Yeah!"
"Somebody out there has to step up and put the money behind it, and they can create the business just like I did and move from a regional promotion to a national promotion." - Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker. Because all you need to create a successful national MMA promotion is a cage, a fistful of cash, and a dream. (Heavy.com)
"If people would treat MMA like their house and cleaned up, then there wouldn’t be as much trash in the house. My goal is to always be the change, in anything I want to see changed." - Ricardo Almeida, who recently retired from MMA competition and has become a judge in the state of New Jersey. I'm a little worried to find out what Cecil People's house looks like. (MMA Die Hards)
"If I can run him into the fence and use the clinch skills and the cage fighting skills I've developed from my Greco background, it's gonna be difficult for him." - Randy Couture, on his UFC 129 fight with Lyoto Machida. There would be calls for blood if Jon Fitch said this. (Five Knuckles)
"When I fought Rashad (Evans), I thought I beat him, but they took a point away, made it a draw, I didn't think I grabbed the fence." - Tito Ortiz. He just grabbed that metal chain-link thing that surrounds the Octagon. That's not against the rules. (MMA Prime)
"My manager called them, but nobody [responded], nobody answers. ... The situation in Japan's not good, because of the tsunami, but it's no excuse, because it's been a year. They should, at least, answer me, because there are people saying they plan to produce another event." - Gesias Cavalcante, who still hasn't received payment from Dream. But yeah! Dream is cool! Because it's, like, Japanese! (Tatame)