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How to Cheat in MMA and Not Get Caught

UFC star Thiago Silva was caught cheating at UFC 125, using a masking agent to hide drug use prior to his fight with Brandon Vera. He's not alone. Cheating is as old as athletic competition itself and many of today's top MMA stars bend the rules in a variety of ways. I don't recommend cheating: but if a fighter is doing it, this is how.

Cycling: This is how cheating was done in the old school. By carefully timing when they take steroids and other Pictures-of-steroids-300x240_mediumperformance enhancers, fighters can be sure they are clean during fight week when they need to pee in the bottle. There is significant risk here, especially if a fighter is cutting it close.  Here's some Steroid 101 from the aptly named Steroid.com:

When two or more anabolic steroids are used at the same time, it is called "stacking". The time period in which a body builder or person uses these anabolic steroids is called a "steroid cycle". Athletes stack anabolic steroids with other drugs to help maximize the results of their cycle. It has been shown that steroid stacks can cause an even more dramatic effect on the users muscle, than when taking only one type of steroid. Different anabolic steroids have different effects on the body, so when two different steroids are introduced (stacked) together, often times you will see the muscle gaining side effects of each different steroid! These steroid cycles may also include taking one particular anabolic steroid at the beginning of the steroid cycle and finishing up with a different steroid at the end, to better enhance the users desired result. Steroid stacks have been used for years and have proven to be a more effective way to build quality muscle than when using only one type of steroid. One very important thing to note: when using more than one anabolic steroid in a stack or cycle, the risk of harmful side effects increases. Within a steroid cycle, the users will often stack other non-anabolic drugs into their program to help minimize these steroid side effects.

Oil Change: If you don't have time to come off your cycle there's always the option of using someone else's clean Cf7b656a6d52c47_smallurine to pass your test. Since someone actually watches the urine leave your body, there's no way to simply change out your sample with another's. That's where the oil change come into play. A doctor or medical technician (or a buddy who isn't squeamish) injects the clean urine into your bladder with a catheter (a thin plastic tube inserted into your urethra) before the test.

Some possible complications according to the Encyclopedia of Nursing:

* urinary tract infections and catheter obstruction
* trauma and/or the introduction of bacteria into the urinary system, leading to infection and, rarely, septicemia
* trauma to the bladder, urethra, and meatus caused by incorrect insertion of the catheter or forceful removal with the bladder inflated by confused patients
* scaring, stricture and/or narrowing of the urethra due to repeated trauma
* urine bypass around the catheter (A smaller catheter size may minimize leakage.)
* leakage around the catheter due to forceful bladder spasms that overwhelm the catheter's drainage capacity

Urine can also be injected into the bladder directly via needle. There is risk here, especially of infection and blood borne pathogens being transmitted via the alien urine. Most fighters use a friend's sample, but some athletes prefer to use a synthetic urine, hoping that enough of their own pee will mix in to show enough creatine and other hormones to fool the test into believing it is real urine.

Whizzinator: This device entered the national lexicon when Minnesota Vikings running back Onterrio Smith was busted with one at the airport back in 2005. Actor Tom Sizemore was later caught trying to use one to beat a drug Whizzinator_mediumscreening. The device is essentially a prosthetic penis used to deliver clean urine into a cup while observed. Here's how it works, per their website:

As you can see, the elastic straps are adjustable. Any excess length can be taken up by going once around the belt before fastening. Try positioning the belt so that the end of the prosthesis hangs to the end of your own penis. That will make it much easier to find. Our clip valve, which releases the urine can make a slight snap sound when it is opened. Try disguising the sound by clearing your throat or coughing as you open it. To operate The Whizzinator, hold the prosthesis with one hand and pinch it just behind the head to prevent any flow as you open the clip valve with your other hand. Then, take the sample cup, relax the pinch and Whiz. This operation will approximate the natural way that you would urinate into a cup. Remember, practice makes perfect.

Masking Agents: Masking agents are taken with the purpose of hiding or "masking" the presence of illegal drugs in mind. Masking agents include epitestosterone and plasma volume expanders, but the most commonly used 708959847488794_mediummasking agents in the combat sports arena are diuretics because they serve two purposes - hiding drugs and cutting weight. The National Strength and Conditioning Association explains:

Diuretics have been placed on the prohibited list for some time because of two reasons: 1) they facilitate weight loss via their ability to enhance rapid water loss via urine excretion and 2) they have the potential to rapidly dilute the urine by increasing renal flow. When utilized as a "masking" agent diuretics dilute the urine, which results in lower levels of the banned substance being excreted from the body. This can therefore make it more difficult for the laboratories conducting doping controls to detect.

Human Growth Hormone: The drug of choice, especially for fighters who can afford it. HGH not only helps in building muscle, it helps the body recover quickly after a hard workout, allowing more and better training. It's also very hard to test for in a urinalysis, making its use nearly undetectable as the BBC explained:

HGH occurs naturally in the body, which makes it hard to distinguish between what is produced regardless of outside interference and what is an administered dose.

And it is almost impossible to set a blood level of HGH that would be considered unnaturally high and indicative of doping, because levels of naturally-occurring HGH can vary... in response to factors such as nutritional state, sleep and exercise.

Blood Doping:  Although not as common on the MMA scene, the most effective drug for top level athletes in cycling, running and other endurance sports is erythropoeitin, better known as EPO. The Science of Sport explains how it works:

EPO is a hormone that is normally produced by the kidneys. It then has its effect on the bone marrow, which produces more red blood cells. So the effect of injecting synthetic EPO is to increase the body's natural production of red blood cells. Why would you want to do this? Well, the theory is that the red blood cells, which carry oxygen, are an important determinant of performance ability. That's because the oxygen is required by the muscles and the theory for fatigue during exercise is that if your muscles do not get sufficient oxygen, they rapidly fatigue. Connecting the dots, you get the logic that if you can increase the body's oxygen carrying capacity, you increase the ability to exercise before fatiguing.

The World Anti Doping Agency banned blood doping in the early 1990's, but testing is tricky. Most synthetic EPO is undetectable after several days, so its use in training is almost impossible to stop.

Jonathan Snowden is the author of Total MMA: Inside Ultimate Fighting and The MMA Encyclopedia. He writes regularly for Bloody Elbow.

Comment 168 comments  |  7 recs  | 

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Doesn't the term "blood doping" also refer

to the act of removing plasma from the body and then re-injecting it right before a race to increase cell counts?

Tatum: I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.

by Dave Strummer on Apr 1, 2011 1:07 PM EDT reply actions  

yes

A hockey player died no too long ago from that.

"True strength is not always shown through victory. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart." - Rickson Gracie

"Wanderlei eventually got to his feet and stalked Fujita like a Japanese octopus in an all-female prison." - Sean Baby Cracked.com

by the-gentle-way on Apr 1, 2011 1:11 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

How did he die?

I always wondered about how that would hurt you, if it’s your own blood.

Tatum: I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.

by Dave Strummer on Apr 1, 2011 1:14 PM EDT up reply actions  

see below :)

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

infection or stroke from so many red blood cells.

Its the only seriously dangerous PED besides speed imho.
You can read about it on wiki.

"True strength is not always shown through victory. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart." - Rickson Gracie

"Wanderlei eventually got to his feet and stalked Fujita like a Japanese octopus in an all-female prison." - Sean Baby Cracked.com

by the-gentle-way on Apr 1, 2011 1:21 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

Oh there's plenty of other dangerous ones :)

Testosterone in itself can lead to some truly tragic things when used wrong.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:32 PM EDT up reply actions  

so can vitamin C.

"True strength is not always shown through victory. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart." - Rickson Gracie

"Wanderlei eventually got to his feet and stalked Fujita like a Japanese octopus in an all-female prison." - Sean Baby Cracked.com

by the-gentle-way on Apr 1, 2011 1:36 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

Eh...

Tell that to Chris Benoit’s family.

Not to mention you’d have to eat 1.5% of your body weight in vitamin C to die, theoretically cause its never happened.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:40 PM EDT up reply actions  

the guy with severe brain damage that was clearly insane?

Bad example.

"True strength is not always shown through victory. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart." - Rickson Gracie

"Wanderlei eventually got to his feet and stalked Fujita like a Japanese octopus in an all-female prison." - Sean Baby Cracked.com

by the-gentle-way on Apr 1, 2011 1:42 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

Not sure it is

How many athletes have had head trauma or emotional issues?

A lot more than none.

I’m an advocate of safe use, but there are many dangers involved in AAS abuse.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

I agree with gentle, it’s overly simplistic to say that steroids, specifically, were the cause.

by umbalata on Apr 1, 2011 2:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

Its over simplification

to read my posts that way.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 2:58 PM EDT up reply actions  

Ehm… You’re bringing up Benoit as an example of how steroids are dangerous. There’s only one way to read it.

by umbalata on Apr 1, 2011 3:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

In comparison to vitamin C

which has killed no one under any circumstances.

I specifically cite misuse as the problem and advocate safe use of AAS.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 3:45 PM EDT up reply actions  

Well, whether it was use or misuse on Benoit’s part, there’s still no indication steroids had anything to do with it.

by umbalata on Apr 1, 2011 3:51 PM EDT up reply actions  

I'm sure the years and years...

Of getting dropped on his head and taking chair shots to the head had something to do with the later issues he had with that thing inside his head.

Twitter / Tumblr
Co-Founder, SGQ (coming soon!)

by Sergio Hernandez on Apr 1, 2011 4:51 PM EDT up reply actions  

I've seen first hand

Guys can completely change mentally, not always in a good way.

If you’re not an Alpha male type dude, becoming one over night can be a real mind fucker.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:42 PM EDT up reply actions   1 recs

that makes sense.

Abuse of anything is dangerous.

"True strength is not always shown through victory. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart." - Rickson Gracie

"Wanderlei eventually got to his feet and stalked Fujita like a Japanese octopus in an all-female prison." - Sean Baby Cracked.com

by the-gentle-way on Apr 1, 2011 1:46 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

My buddy was going to prison

As a flabby 35 year old, he decided to start juicing so he would be ready for jail.

Things got real ugly, real quick. Other than kicking all his tenants(and friends out) he beat his girlfriend and incurred the wrath of like 20 people he flipped out on, beat up or threatened.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:48 PM EDT up reply actions  

and went to prison numerous things

instead of one.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:49 PM EDT up reply actions  

Sounds like the premise of a wacky movie

Sort of like Big Stan starring the immortal Rob Schneider.

Did the ‘roids help him in prison? For his sake, I hope he was able to hold on to his gains (assuming he couldn’t juice in prison).

by Pantherhare on Apr 1, 2011 5:53 PM EDT up reply actions  

He got absolutely no gains

He didn’t work out ever.

He was a lazy, weird pot grower. Roids just made him a lazy weird guy who was so pissed off and confused that he couldn’t even grow weed anymore.

I could talk about this dude all day. He got a hoover scooter for free, he’s 35 years old and able to walk fine. He played pitcher for a minor league baseball team and coached another more famous one. He owned a huge house and rented rooms out to other growers. He believed aliens were coming any day. He would date the skankiest 18 year olds ever and talk all day about ‘butt fucking his bitches’. Someone threw a legitimate boulder through his living room window.

One of the craziest and most unique people I’ve ever met. If he came up with a crazy idea or you suggested one, he’d just go with it.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 6:08 PM EDT up reply actions  

lol.. sounds like a lot of fun. And a lot of sad.

by Horselover Fat on Apr 1, 2011 6:59 PM EDT up reply actions  

I sincerely want to hear more. How about a made for YouTube movie, sponsored by The Lifetime Network and High Times magazine?

by H8ff0000 on Apr 2, 2011 3:59 AM EDT up reply actions  

ooo ooo ooo

WE COULD CALL IT “Angry Buds”

by H8ff0000 on Apr 2, 2011 4:01 AM EDT up reply actions  

Someone once posted

pictures of his junk on myspace(way back when) and probably 15 people commented on a how tiny and infantile his penis was. Again, he was in his mid 30’s.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 2, 2011 4:30 AM EDT up reply actions  

Don't know what ever happened to him

We had a falling out after he slashed my tires.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 2, 2011 4:27 AM EDT up reply actions  

Increase resistance

Too many RBCs increases the viscosity of blood, increase resistance, making the heart work harder to circulate the blood. You get a similar effect when training at altitude. Less available O2 stimulates the bone marrow to produce EPO for RBC production.

by Joo on Apr 1, 2011 5:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

EPO detection.

They should be able to detect the use of EPO by comparing the RBC concentration vs a baseline average, just like they do with testosterone.

One thing that was not mentioned is gene therapy. There are no ways to test for this performance enhancing technique.

by Joo on Apr 1, 2011 5:34 PM EDT up reply actions  

Yep

The problem is, your blood can become too think or weird for your heart to pump.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

Yikes

I remember that was a big issue with pro cyclists.

Tatum: I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.

by Dave Strummer on Apr 1, 2011 1:20 PM EDT up reply actions  

They use EPO's

Its not as dangerous.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:29 PM EDT up reply actions  

EPO is extremely dangerous and certainly can and does cause your blood to thicken to sludge. Cyclists use all sort of drugs. They don’t limit themselves to just EPO and blood transfusions. You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff that exists in the peloton — bovine hemoglobin extract, synthetic hemoglobin, CERA (a new kind of synthetic EPO), etc. And that’s just the blood stuff.

by StephenDedalus on Apr 1, 2011 1:57 PM EDT up reply actions  

For sure

but autologous transfusions were killing people in the 70’s.

We just had this talk yesterday(me and American Ronin) about the crazy lengths cyclists got to to cheat.

They use meth, anabolic steroids, catabolic steroids, EPO’s, transfusions, and a bunch of other shit I forgot.

Can you answer this for me?

What are the benefits cyclists are trying to gain(other than reducing inflammation) using catabolics?

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 2:02 PM EDT up reply actions  

Wheww!

Was I ignorant on the subject…..

I just read about the early 90’s and late 80’s EPO deaths. Damn.

My instructor never told us the full story on any of the means to cheat. She just said it was dangerous and keep your clients away from them and moved on.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 2:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

The reason people died from transfusions are completely different

than the use of EPO. EPO mainly kills people from causing clotting events.

by DrFernando on Apr 1, 2011 5:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

My instructor once told me

That back in the day when they first started storing their own blood up and putting back into the body, the had mixed results. Some people preformed on a new extremely high level. Others died of strokes and heart failure caused by blood irregularities.

We’re talking Olympic athletes being blood doped by their own government, they weren’t getting infections; although that certainly a possibility for in less professional settings.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 5:29 PM EDT up reply actions  

For sure, if people get transfused with large volumes of blood

 that can lead to heart failure, which can then lead to multiple other complications, including stroke. Also, if people got transfused with their blood type instead of their own blood, they would be at risk of transfusion related reactions, even though they were getting the right type.

by DrFernando on Apr 1, 2011 5:34 PM EDT up reply actions  

Yes.

That’s called an autologous blood transfusion. Using someone else’s blood is called a homologous transfusion. Alexander Vinokourov got busted for the latter during the Tour de France a few years ago (2007, I think).

by StephenDedalus on Apr 1, 2011 1:54 PM EDT up reply actions  

Homologous...

Tyler Hamilton was caught doing this. They can test and see that you have DNA in your blood that isn’t yours. Hamilton claimed he was a genetic chimera (had two sets of DNA naturally). No one was buying what he was selling.

Other risks from autologous are the typical problems with blood transfusions (typing errors, HIV, Hep, etc.).

by croker on Apr 1, 2011 2:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

The phantom twin! That still cracks me up.

by StephenDedalus on Apr 1, 2011 3:05 PM EDT up reply actions  

Oil Change

I just threw up in my mouth.

█♣█
A wise man told me don't argue with fools
Cause people from a distance can't tell who is who -- Jay-Z

by thetakeover on Apr 1, 2011 1:08 PM EDT reply actions  

Christian Bale does something similar in Harsh Times, but he uses a turkey baster.

None more gangster.
Tweeter!

by alicks on Apr 1, 2011 2:16 PM EDT up reply actions  

I'm glad that you didn't blur out the penis.

If that was the case, then you would probably have to blur out Brock’s chest tattoo too.

by xx2000xx on Apr 1, 2011 1:09 PM EDT reply actions  

"I'm glad that you didn't blur out the penis"

Uhhhh ok. U go ahead and keep enjoying that view before he changs his mind.

by BULLieS on Apr 1, 2011 1:14 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

my understanding is that if it's educational it's not considered offensive

but I never really understood people getting offended by penises and vaginas…

Kickin’ in the front seat, Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up which seat can I take?

by Orcus on Apr 1, 2011 2:28 PM EDT up reply actions  

Of course.

It was a joke of course, but I’m sure ALL of us went through the sex ed class where they separated the boys and girls with full on nudity about our body changing and the like. Of course males at the time, at least when I did it, they all covered their eyes, because god forbid you check your testicles for lumps. We’ve all grown up now, but most men haven’t because if there is a north/south position there is always laughing in the crowd :-)

by xx2000xx on Apr 1, 2011 2:42 PM EDT up reply actions  

Now he'll threaten you

just like he did with the CagePotato guys.

by mmablitzkrieg on Apr 1, 2011 1:57 PM EDT up reply actions  

I’ll make sure he hears about “TheChairman”.

Boys becoming men...Men becoming wolves

by spectaa on Apr 1, 2011 2:00 PM EDT up reply actions  

French black people gotta stick together :)

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 2:03 PM EDT up reply actions  

Exactly, and I know a guy who knows a guy… In short I could actually make it happen :D.

Boys becoming men...Men becoming wolves

by spectaa on Apr 1, 2011 3:25 PM EDT up reply actions  

Yep, then they made up some story about being banned from the UFC Fan Expo because they heard he might be there.

by CaptnAmerca on Apr 1, 2011 2:00 PM EDT up reply actions  

this made me chuckle

Anderson Silva, Edson Barboza, Jose Aldo, Charles Oliveira, Thiago Alves = Muay Thai wrecking machines!

by SentientAndroid on Apr 1, 2011 5:46 PM EDT up reply actions  

Nothing...

Actually I’d love to have a HW UFC fighter calling me out

by mmablitzkrieg on Apr 1, 2011 8:56 PM EDT up reply actions  

That’s pretty badass for myself, I mean

by mmablitzkrieg on Apr 1, 2011 8:57 PM EDT up reply actions  

I'd like to thank whoever invented the Whizzinator

because of you I had to take the four most awkward pisses of my life while I was at OSU.

jerk…

by T.P. Grant on Apr 1, 2011 1:12 PM EDT reply actions  

yeah that too

whenever its mention I just think of taking drug tests at OSU, and how the do piss tests to counter the Whussunator.

You have to go into a bathroom with a proctor; roll ur shirt up to ur chest, drop u pants to ur knees and then have a guy stare at your junk while you piss…

by T.P. Grant on Apr 1, 2011 1:33 PM EDT up reply actions  

Pretty sure...

…I couldn’t take a leak if some dud is sitting there in a stall with me looking at my junk. I don’t like close-talkers, this is worse…

by croker on Apr 1, 2011 2:47 PM EDT up reply actions   1 recs

The Whizzinator

Saved his freedom and his family

"Look man I don't know, I swear to god" "SWEAR-TO-MEEE!!!!" - Batman

by warren305 on Apr 1, 2011 4:47 PM EDT up reply actions   1 recs

Prematurely made my day lol

"These are the times that try men's souls" - Thomas Paine

by The One Who Wears The Crown on Apr 2, 2011 12:06 PM EDT up reply actions  

Great read, Snowden. Interesting, informative and kinda scary

If you wanna throw down in fisticuffs, fine! I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waitin' for ya...right here!

by ODBasyoucansee on Apr 1, 2011 1:14 PM EDT reply actions  

Wow crazy shit,

It’s like the Turner Diaries for athletes.

by Coeman on Apr 1, 2011 1:17 PM EDT reply actions  

She needs more than one?

You may wanna get tested…..

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:20 PM EDT up reply actions  

HAHAHA

"I can be friends with anybody. Man. Woman. Cat. Dog. Fish..... Alien." -Rampage

by Charles Awad on Apr 1, 2011 1:54 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

No

power bill got to high, so I had to put my foot down on that one.

by mabel4life on Apr 1, 2011 2:46 PM EDT up reply actions  

Hahaha!

Think u hit it right on the head…wait what.

by BULLieS on Apr 1, 2011 2:41 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

If those come in black

you may be right. I have the tendency of getting the two mixed up.

by mabel4life on Apr 1, 2011 2:49 PM EDT up reply actions  

Um...

they both come in black. as well as latino, tan, and brown. Don’t ask me what the diff is between those

by Arca MMA on Apr 1, 2011 3:54 PM EDT up reply actions  

the latino version is half white, half brown. duh.

by tha dude on Apr 2, 2011 8:58 AM EDT up reply actions  

Is she into "synthetic watersports"?
As of March 2011, the Whizzinator is being marketed by Alternative Lifestyle Systems for $139.95 through High Times magazine as a strap-on “wet sex simulator” containing “synthetic urine”, allegedly for synthetic watersports activity. A similar, competing device called the Pissinator is also advertised.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whizzinator

by who me on Apr 1, 2011 4:59 PM EDT up reply actions  

The amount of recs should make the comment get progressively greener. When you hit 20 an Incredible Hulk animated GIF should appear.

by H8ff0000 on Apr 2, 2011 4:11 AM EDT up reply actions  

Good article. I was wondering about this stuff ever since I saw that real sports with bryant gumbel segment. It had kyle kingsbury and nonito donaire working with a disgraced trainer who was busted for a doping scandal in sports.

by John 502 on Apr 1, 2011 1:19 PM EDT reply actions  

I think you forgot the sarcasm font there my friend…

"Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." -Mark Twain
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

by The American Ronin on Apr 1, 2011 1:25 PM EDT up reply actions  

I like to think he just doesn't want to get banned for using the sarcasm font.

Bolts from the Blue // "It's a league game, Smokey." - Walter Sobchak
Bloody Elbow // "Everybody underestimates the kick in the groin." - Bas Rutten

by Richard Wade on Apr 1, 2011 1:44 PM EDT up reply actions  

Ha!

Didn’t realize that was ban worthy…why not simply disable it if that is the case…

"Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." -Mark Twain
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

by The American Ronin on Apr 1, 2011 1:55 PM EDT up reply actions  

For the temptation...

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:57 PM EDT up reply actions  

Awesome.

Still a Beer Monster.

http://www.instrength.com

by Tim Burke on Apr 1, 2011 2:06 PM EDT up reply actions  

You could find out by banning TheFilt, Tim.

Bolts from the Blue // "It's a league game, Smokey." - Walter Sobchak
Bloody Elbow // "Everybody underestimates the kick in the groin." - Bas Rutten

by Richard Wade on Apr 1, 2011 2:14 PM EDT up reply actions  

dammit

to the Beer Monster

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 2:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

Still a Beer Monster.

http://www.instrength.com

by Tim Burke on Apr 1, 2011 2:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

is it worth it, Tim? Is it really worth it?

Why I never joined a frat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-KNVrZaN8M

"Don’t quote old fucks to me" – Brent Brookhouse
"A samurai would bite your cock off if you tried that shit on the battlefield." - Kid Nate

by Chris Barton on Apr 1, 2011 6:39 PM EDT up reply actions  

april fools?

They told me to put a signature here.......so I did.

by ANDERSONS GOT THE JUICE on Apr 1, 2011 1:26 PM EDT up reply actions  

This article by you didn’t piss me off!! J/k. Great read. Cheaters are losers

by Gafford on Apr 1, 2011 1:28 PM EDT reply actions  

How do you mean this?
Cheaters are losers

Did you mean PED users are Losers, or PED users who get caught red handed are losers?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin

by Snatchl on Apr 1, 2011 1:29 PM EDT up reply actions  

Snowden

Do you have any contacts at the NSAC? They have had provisions since May 2008 for year-around out-of-competition testing for all fighters licensed or applying for a license there and I am curious if/when they have actually used this power?

"Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." -Mark Twain
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

by The American Ronin on Apr 1, 2011 1:28 PM EDT reply actions  

The CSAC does

That’s why Nick dropped out of the Hieron fight.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:30 PM EDT up reply actions  

Misread that

The CSAC test when applying for a license.

That is the extent of my knowledge….

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 1:36 PM EDT up reply actions  

Can you imagine what Nick Diaz would be like if he didn’t smoke weed?

by memitim on Apr 1, 2011 1:51 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

way more fucking irritated than he already is. just like all functional stoners with jobs who aren’t drags on society. which is exactly why that shit should be legal. hell, the entire country should be prescribed an adderall before their work shift and a fat bowl for afterwards.

live pleasant

by eastcoastatlas on Apr 1, 2011 1:58 PM EDT up reply actions  

I believe they don’t have a budget to implement that plan.

by Jonathan Snowden on Apr 1, 2011 1:33 PM EDT up reply actions  

nottheface posted a fanshot a few weeks ago.
In fiscal year 2010-2011, there is no money in the NSAC’s budget for out-of-competition drug testing, though athletes are still tested either the day prior to an event or immediately following it, and sometimes both.
The enforcement gap has nevertheless prompted the commission to get creative in coming up with the money to reinstate the program. One solution expected to be addressed at a meeting early next month is to draw a portion of funds from the amateur combative sports program, which pays for some of the safety and administrative costs associated with amateur boxing, kickboxing and MMA. The program is funded by a “ticket fee” assessed by the NSAC at professional events that is separate from the commission’s live gate fee, which takes a percentage of the money generated by ticket sales. The ticket fee amounts to .50 per ticket with live gates totaling less than $1 million, and $1 per ticket above that figure.

http://www.bloodyelbow.com/2011/2/26/2017266/nsac-eliminates-out-of-competition-drug-testing
Only three people commented. And while I know that doesn’t equal pageviews, it does seem indicative that even the hardcore community doesn’t care.

For reference, I added what Dana White said regarding Koscheck calling for better testing:

"I think that’s what an athletic commission is for," White said. "The athletic commissions have been around for a long time. When fighters start talking about other guys being drug tested? Shut up. Worry about you.
"It’s been a long time since somebody tested positive for steroids. When we first took over, guys were popping here and there and I said, ‘You have to be a moron to do steroids in this sport.’ It’s just dumb."

"Someone is WRONG on the internet. What do you want me to do? LEAVE? Then they'll keep being wrong!"
-Randall Munroe

by pdl on Apr 1, 2011 1:41 PM EDT up reply actions  

Thanks, had not seen that fanpost

Interestingly, the memo that was sent to all Nevada Licensees (dated 24 May 2008) announcing the implementation of the program stated (emphasis added):

Therefore, in addition to the steroid and drug tests performed on contestants on fight night, the Commission will be requiring fighters licensed by the Commission, and applicants for such licensure, to submit to these tests when ordered by the Commission at other times during the years. (The costs of these "pre-fight night" tests will be paid by the Commission if funds are available; otherwise, the costs will be paid by the fighter of the promoter.)

"Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." -Mark Twain
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

by The American Ronin on Apr 1, 2011 2:04 PM EDT up reply actions  

I care.

And, obviously, a complete, start-to-finish, ignorant asshole comment by White.

by umbalata on Apr 1, 2011 3:01 PM EDT up reply actions  

As I said in that post I can understand why Dana wants to push the steroid issue off on the athletic commissions, it’s a real hot button issue. Still if the athletic commissions aren’t cutting it then it’s going to fall back on the orgs./promoters to do something and in MMA that pretty much means Zuffa. It’s got to the point where just saying “well that’s the commissions responsibility” isn’t going to cut it anymore.

by who me on Apr 1, 2011 4:55 PM EDT up reply actions  

Only three people commented.

and one of them was nottheface……

I was surprised that didn’t get more attention.

by who me on Apr 1, 2011 4:51 PM EDT up reply actions  

I thought I recalled him getting caught in an airport screening, not during an actual test.

"Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." -Mark Twain
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

by The American Ronin on Apr 1, 2011 2:06 PM EDT up reply actions  

Saw it last month

So wierd looking at so many reasons and people accepting this

They made a video game about Yakuzas. It’s called Yakuza. And it’s about Yakuza
gocyborg.com

by Krimson on Apr 1, 2011 2:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

It is pretty well accepted by everyone involved that they are here to stay. As I have often said, I believe a very significant majority of high level combat and contact sport athletes use or have used at some point something deemed a PED as a PED.

"Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." -Mark Twain
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

by The American Ronin on Apr 1, 2011 2:12 PM EDT up reply actions  

sudafed contains banned substances.

And is the main ingredient in meth.
I would rather fight a dude on roids then a methhead. Those geekers DON’T STAY DOWN!

"True strength is not always shown through victory. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart." - Rickson Gracie

"Wanderlei eventually got to his feet and stalked Fujita like a Japanese octopus in an all-female prison." - Sean Baby Cracked.com

by the-gentle-way on Apr 1, 2011 2:25 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

It does contain the ingredient meth is cooked using, that is why I qualified it with “have used at some point something deemed a PED as a PED.” to eliminate those who used banned products for non-performance enhancing reasons (otherwise its essentially 100% usage).

"Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." -Mark Twain
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

by The American Ronin on Apr 1, 2011 2:31 PM EDT up reply actions  

Roiding and tweeking

Are similar feelings.

Not proud to say, but I’ve tried both(28 days for one, one stupid night and day for the other) and they pretty damn similar.

They both make you feel insanely(the right word) confident and strong. They both give you crazy endurance and they hype you up like crazy.

The main difference, roids make you eat and sleep like crazy. Meth does the opposite.

Also, tweekers can and do get KTFO just like everyone else.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 2:34 PM EDT up reply actions  

tweekers ...not like everyone else.

Broken ribs, broken bones ,broken faces they don’t seem to care. Their off button is harder to press in general.

"True strength is not always shown through victory. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart." - Rickson Gracie

"Wanderlei eventually got to his feet and stalked Fujita like a Japanese octopus in an all-female prison." - Sean Baby Cracked.com

by the-gentle-way on Apr 1, 2011 2:45 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

Guess it depends on the person

I’ve seen many, many tweekers get KO’d or just plain molly whooped.

I agree, to an extent. Especially with the last part.

It just comes down to the person. Some tweekers are notorious cowards, others are tough-talking punching bags.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 2:49 PM EDT up reply actions  

I should add

When I was on the juice, I felt stronger than literally everyone I know.

Not just weight room strong, mentally/spiritually/emotionally. I literally believed that no man was my equal, unless he was juicing to. The thought of fighting another person seemed almost pointless. Huge psychological advantage.

Side note. I can stand still under the rim, jump up and touch it. When I was taking AAS, I could dunk in my jeans from a standing vert easily. No warm up.

That’s the kind of physical and mental boost AAS can give you.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 2:56 PM EDT up reply actions  

" Side note. I can stand still under the rim, jump up and touch it. When I was taking AAS, I could dunk in my jeans from a standing vert easily. No warm up."

I have been doin that since 8th grade. You don’t need roids or speed, you need stilts. Lol I keed I keed.

"True strength is not always shown through victory. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart." - Rickson Gracie

"Wanderlei eventually got to his feet and stalked Fujita like a Japanese octopus in an all-female prison." - Sean Baby Cracked.com

by the-gentle-way on Apr 1, 2011 3:08 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions   1 recs

This guy

I thought you were serious cause you’re tall.

I was like ‘you go, Gentle-way!’

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 3:30 PM EDT up reply actions  

no i can

I just have the shooting ability of a angry chimpanzee. I have never been good with ball sports.

"True strength is not always shown through victory. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart." - Rickson Gracie

"Wanderlei eventually got to his feet and stalked Fujita like a Japanese octopus in an all-female prison." - Sean Baby Cracked.com

by the-gentle-way on Apr 1, 2011 5:51 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions  

Lucky SOB

Some of us had to work moderately hard on occasion.

Dunking from your standing vert is impressive for anyone under 6’4".

You sound like my uncle Kenny(except he’s jet black). He’s 6’3" about 210 or so. Real cut up and strong guy. He can dunk just standing there, only problem is he couldn’t to get to the rim if you cleared path and painted signs.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 2, 2011 4:39 AM EDT up reply actions  

perception and reality are two very different things. coke heads get a similar feeling of invincibility, until somebody knocks their teeth down their skinny throat.

by POW on Apr 1, 2011 3:11 PM EDT up reply actions  

That's what I was saying, too

But meth is a different beast and the gentle way has a valid point.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 3:20 PM EDT up reply actions  

yeah a training partner of mine actually had his opponent drop out of a fight 5 minutes before hand because of meth. the guy’s heart rate and blood pressure were so high the med staff wouldn’t let him fight. he looked like death.

by POW on Apr 1, 2011 3:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

Nasty stuff

I bet your buddy was pissed.

That’s some punk shit. Fighting on meth is the lamest shit I’ve ever heard of. Disrespectful as hell to your opponent and the sport itself.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 3:30 PM EDT up reply actions  

To clarify

I was rolling regularly and I could tell I really was much stronger than 95% of the guys.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 3:22 PM EDT up reply actions  

For the right person, its a really good thing.

I was a hot head before any type of hormonal drugs, but it made me really happy, calm and relaxed in a way. I was sleeping really good and eating like a bear. I could even focus better in school.

You shouldn’t go longer than 4 weeks on this particular drug. 6 is okay, but 4 is completely safe at the dosage I took. I was stacking with cell tech hardcore.

I had a legit 8 pound gain. All muscle, not water or fat. Upped my reps and sets like by a lot. Maybe 20%+ on some lifts. Became much more explosive.

During workouts I would feel super pumped. Intense as hell. I would just go into my own zone and do heavy lifting for about an hour straight. I recovered literally over night so some days I’d do two 1hr+ sessions.

By the time I could take more, I was broke and its kinda hard to get.

If I find a good supplier, I’ll probably start back up for 6 weeks.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 6:30 PM EDT up reply actions  

hell yes! i would walk into a room and immediately do a mental rundown of how many people there would stand a chance against me. it’s a very mentally gratifying feeling.

by tha dude on Apr 2, 2011 9:03 AM EDT up reply actions  

Or You Could Just Cheat Out in the Open

How often do you see guys having points deducted for shots to the nuts, blows to the back of the head, or for grabbing the cage?

by MMABookworm on Apr 1, 2011 1:40 PM EDT reply actions   1 recs

This is a good point. What does more to help a fighter win a match once that match has started — PEDs, or just breaking the rules openly?

by Finian1 on Apr 1, 2011 2:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

Funny!

7 out of 10.

To the point of the article, though, my dad always maintains that the first MLB pitch ever thrown was probably a spitball toward a corked bat.

by High Knee Destroyer on Apr 1, 2011 1:43 PM EDT reply actions   1 recs

Unannounced, naked

This is why Olympic athletes can be stopped just about any time, asked to pull their shirts up to their chests and their pants down to their knees, and produce.

It can get really harsh in other sports. Ask Alain Baxter, who had a bronze medal in 2002 but lost it because he didn’t realize the US version of Vicks Inhaler had a certain stimulant that wasn’t in the UK version. The arbitrators accepted his explanation of what happened, agreed that he shouldn’t be banned for a considerable length of time, agreed that he got no real performance benefit from it … and took his medal anyway.

by Beau Dure on Apr 1, 2011 2:18 PM EDT reply actions  

This is why Olympic athletes can be stopped just about any time, asked to pull their shirts up to their chests and their pants down to their knees, and produce.

That’s what I don’t understand about pro sports. I mean, hell, they made us do that when we took the piss-test at Fort Hamilton for MEPS. Why wouldn’t they do that for pro athletes as well? Unless, of course, they don’t want to look too hard in catching these people.

None more gangster.
Tweeter!

by alicks on Apr 1, 2011 2:22 PM EDT up reply actions  

What you guys do at Fort Hamilton

is a lot more dangerous and important than anything LeBron or Tom Brady does.

"Run and tweet THAT, homeboy."

by TheFilt on Apr 1, 2011 2:37 PM EDT up reply actions  

No, this was just in-processing. No one there was even officially “in” yet. Before you’re allowed to ship off to boot (or in my case, put in an application for OCS), you’ve got to be medically cleared. We spent the entire day being poked, prodded, made to dance around in our underwear (yes, really), and pissing into a cup while someone watched.

None more gangster.
Tweeter!

by alicks on Apr 1, 2011 2:53 PM EDT up reply actions  

“Unless, of course, they don’t want to look too hard in catching these people.” I’ll be second in recommending Bigger, faster, stronger. There’s a scene where they get to see documents that are solid proof that Carl Lewis cheated with PEDs, and people knew about this at the time, but chose not to follow up, ’cause he was an icon of American sports back then.

by umbalata on Apr 1, 2011 3:13 PM EDT up reply actions  

I know these commissions don't have money to do out of competition testing

but I sincerely doubt the desire for these commissions to catch cheaters when it comes to Pro sports.

by pud333 on Apr 1, 2011 2:34 PM EDT reply actions  

I doubt the desire of anyone to have these commissions to catch cheaters when it comes to pro sports. I am certain that most baseball fans would be way happier if MLB had never tested a single player for PEDs. I am also sure that if the Bills spend a first round draft pick on Cam Newton, neither the team nor the fans nor the league want to know if he is on steroids or not. It’s the same in MMA. Who wants fighters to be suspended, banned, or miss fights? The fans want to see Thiago Silva fight. The UFC wants him to fight. The commission wants him to fight. His opponent wants him to fight. I think the commissions are under pressure to look like they are doing something about PEDs, because of our cultural attitudes toward Drug Use. But their goal is to sanction events and collect fees, I don’t see what other motivation they have to find out who is using.

by Finian1 on Apr 1, 2011 2:42 PM EDT up reply actions  

I can’t remember who it was but it was someone who spoke with some authority on PED’s who explained it perfectly. As I describe what he said someone will identify it I’m sure. He described using PED’s like having an ace in the hole. It is only going to give you a bump once. For example, if you are a good high school linebacker it can give you a bump to make it at the college level. If you are good at the college level it can get you drafted. So on and on. I think, with PED’s and athletes, that those who have not used at some point are the exception not the rule. He talked about how you have to be strategic about when you use that ace because you can only use it once. Most likely, most MMA fighters have already used their Ace.

by memitim on Apr 1, 2011 2:48 PM EDT via mobile reply actions  

Wasn't me, but that is an interestingly apt way to put it.

One of the strange things about the AAS products is that users typically get tremendous gains during their first cycle, even if it is relatively tame, but no stack of any sort will ever again come close to the first cycle gains…I don’t even have a theory as to why that is so, but it absolutely happens.

Like the heroin addict forever chasing the “first love” thrill of their first time with ever increasing amounts…

"Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." -Mark Twain
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

by The American Ronin on Apr 1, 2011 11:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

This was the most disgusting article I've ever read...

and it was awesome. Way to take an irreverent yet educational approach to a tricky issue… props, Snowden.

by John Danaher's Hair on Apr 1, 2011 4:37 PM EDT reply actions  

No horsemeat?

"Look man I don't know, I swear to god" "SWEAR-TO-MEEE!!!!" - Batman

by warren305 on Apr 1, 2011 4:48 PM EDT reply actions  

Horse meat falls under every

part of the article. Thought everyone knew it was a given.

by Riney on Apr 1, 2011 5:44 PM EDT up reply actions  

Wow…

"These are the times that try men's souls" - Thomas Paine

by The One Who Wears The Crown on Apr 2, 2011 12:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

Holy Sh*t

That is freaking funny

"Look man I don't know, I swear to god" "SWEAR-TO-MEEE!!!!" - Batman

by warren305 on Apr 4, 2011 8:22 PM EDT up reply actions  

Diuretics don't increase renal flow

Diuretics don’t increase the renal flow. It inhibits the hormone, antidiuretic hormone (ADH). ADH inserts pours in the collecting tubules in the nephrons, which allow reabsorption of H2O. Without these pours, the H20 is not reabsorbed and is excreted in the urine. Alcohol and coffee are both diuretics, hence the reason you have to urinate so often after ingesting them.

by Joo on Apr 1, 2011 5:30 PM EDT reply actions  

Not really...

Depending on the type of diuretic, drugs basically block some channels in the kidney that normally help with absorption of salts (sodium/calcium/mag) and water alongside it. If these channels are blocked, less water is absorbed. ADH is not directly involved.

by DrFernando on Apr 1, 2011 5:49 PM EDT up reply actions  

Diuretics are also totally ineffective as a masking agent with the modern testing methods…

"Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." -Mark Twain
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

by The American Ronin on Apr 1, 2011 11:44 PM EDT up reply actions  

True, blocking aldosterone would also lead to less water reabsorption.

by Joo on Apr 1, 2011 8:39 PM EDT reply actions  

How would affecting sodium absorption increase renal flow? renal flow is depended on blood flow

by Joo on Apr 1, 2011 8:41 PM EDT reply actions  

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