FanPost

Lemony Hendo's Series of Unfortunate Events

Poor old Hendo.

After a decade of battles that literally shook the earth, Dangerous Dan the Flying Hendo Machine accomplished what no other man before him had: He claimed Championship gold in two weight classes at the same time. And he didn't just eek out a decision, he blasted Wanderlei into the Land of Wind and Ghosts with a thunderous left hook. This is what as known as a "HOLY F*CKING SH*T!" moment. Dan was sittin on top of the world, shittin' on Brandy and Mase.

Then Uncle Dana came along and bought his whole stinkin promotion.

He then proceeded to give all that pimpin' away by dropping a UD to Mr. Jackson, and infuriate Anderson Silva with some annoying hammerfists. Bad idea.

Mr. Anderson then promptly matrixed his ass then choked him silly. This enraged Dan and he promptly took it out on Rich's eyes and balls, in that order. This earned him a win in the eyes of our esteemed MMA judges.

I'll let MMA Comedy Overlord Seanbaby describe the next event:

"Going into UFC 100, Michael "The Count" Bisbing had managed to build up a full steam of douchebaggery with his pre-fight comments and dick behavior on The Ultimate Fighter reality show. The crowd was definitely not on his side.

Luckily, if this hurt Bisbing's feelings, Henderson hit him hard enough in the second round that he got to walk through a tunnel and talk to Jesus personally about it. Dan's right hand dropped him like a cartoon. He hit him so hard that even gravity got scared. Bisbing hung in mid-air for a moment while gravity screamed at inertia, "Did you see that shit!?" Then, after a high five, the two universal forces quit screwing around and yanked Bisbing's limp body into the floor.

Henderson wasn't done dominating Bisbing and gravity, though. After the man-shaped sack of bangers and mash landed, Dan flew into the air and came down on Bisbing's head with Fistos, the forbidden punch of legend. Henderson went fully horizontal with both feet in the air like some kind of maniac skydiver. If you were the greatest warrior that ever lived, came across a sleeping enemy and had six hours to plan one ultimate punch, this is the punch you would throw. "

I'll let that gold sink in for a moment. Feel free to read it again, it's that good.

After showing his mettle and worth if front of the largest UFC audience in history, Dan decided he wanted more money. Dana promptly told him to go f*ck himself. Dan promptly signed with Strikeforce because they wanted to pay him what he was worth.

Dan then spends 23 minutes underneath Jake Shields and his earth shattering ground and pound. It seems he wasn't worth so much after all. Uncle Coker is displeased, Uncle Dana smiles.

It was then that our hero found himself pitted against yet another dangerous Brazilian, this one with the most deadly sounding nickname of all (Babalu is Portuguese for "Eviscerate", bet you didn't know that). Hendo promptly unleashes Fistos, and crushes Babalu's head into the corner of the cage. Babalu renames himself "engraçado-formado-cabeca".

After changing the shape of E.F.C.s head, Hendo is granted another chance at Championship gold and a Deadly Monikered Brazilian. Fistos gets a boner, and beats The Bean half to death with it.

Dangerous Dan has once again come full circle, wearing the Heavy Strap of a Major MMA promotion around his powerful hips.

Then Uncle Dana came along and bought his whole stinkin promotion, again.

 

Poor old Hendo.

    \The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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