The realest, rawest, gnarliest battles of any given UFC event are not fought in the cage. They aren’t even physically fought, I guess. Well, I guess you could consider fingers tapping on a keyboard some semi-legitimate form of fighting. More legitimate than Wing Chun, in any case. Hey-O!
As far as editorial ammunition goes, UFC127 had a few small calibre cartridges and one big motherflaker of an artillery round called "Michael Bisping being a rather unpleasant figure at times". With an illegal knee, some choice post-fight words and an errant glob of saliva, Michael Bisping became the perfect target for the most dangerous technique in the writing world – the UFC Editorial.
Also because this fanpost long and terrible, pictures of animals!
With fingers from hell and an insatiable lust for controversy, the first out the gate was Jonathan Snowden with "UFC 127 Results: Michael Bisping Makes Jorge Rivera Pay For His Big Mouth" at 3:13AM EST. Weighing in at fewer than 500 words spread across a modest 6 paragraphs, this scrappy pygmy pitbull of an article may not have had the verbosity or rich analysis of later articles, but it did have that magical Snowden touch. Snowden is in many ways the Carwin of the MMA writing world. Carwin, all he needs to do is touch your chin and you’re knocked the heck out; Snowden, all he has to do is touch one subject you like and you’re in his comment section. Pretty much the same amount of mental damage too. Hey-O! At the time of writing, his article sits at an impressive 259 comments, 14 tweets and 23 Facelook likes, though he only garnered a meagre 4 recs. Classic Snowden comment-to-rec differential.
At 4:23AM EST, over an hour behind Snowden, Matt Bishop came storming into the room waving "UFC 127 Results: Michael Bisping's Actions, Words Inexcusable" around in the air. This rumbling tumbling beauty of indignation and disappointment danced its way onto our screens at almost 750 words over the course of 9 scintillating paragraphs. 371 comments, 22 tweets, 123 Faceberk like and a whopping 18 recs later, and it seems Mr. Bishop may have set up the checkmate to bring the house of cards down. Yahtzee! The article hits all the things we love – Rick James, Nick Diaz, offensive words, and calling something "bush league". Sub-Lyme.
At the exact same time, the calm and collected Brent Brookhouse sat down and asked us to read something called "UFC 127 Results: B.J. Penn Drawing Jon Fitch Is the Perfect Outcome". With 331 words over 4 paragraphs, this little tiger had a lot to prove and didn’t quite draw the same crowd as the previous two articles. With 80 comments, 10 tweets, 9 Phasebock likes and a modest 1 rec, this is the indie EP of the post-UFC127 articles.
Leland Roling, considered by many to be "a man about work" and a "responsible sort", had a lot to prove. Earlier he had manned the battlestations and liveblogged the heck out of BAMMA, and then went on to write post-fight synopses. He was ready, he needed this! At 3:27PM EST, he lined up his shot and fast-bowled a scorcher straight at the wickets - "UFC 127 Results: Michael Bisping Surpasses Chael Sonnen as MMA's Ultimate Heel". Just over 500 words in 6 paragraphs, all dedicated to what can be considered one of the most confusing and controversial subjects in the world of MMA – drawing parallels with professional wrestling. People have literally been stabbed for even thinking about it. Mr Roling is a loose cannon, but even a loose cannon is right two times a day. As the black powder cleared, the damage was clear. 269 comments, 10 tweets, 80 Facebuk likes… and not a single rec.
5:07PM EST, Kid Nate explodes forth from the darkness like an angry pelican with "UFC 127 Results: B.J. Penn, Jon Fitch Draw Shows Limits of MMA Scoring". Kid Nate goes straight for the jugular in this sharp and pointy article, lambasting fools left and right over the course of 678 words in 14 paragraphs. The comments section sparked to life in seconds and soon Kid Nate was the proud father of 233 comments. He also earned 2 tweets… but nothing more. No recs, no Facebook likes. Kid Nate held his own but just couldn’t rack up the points the same way his colleagues did.
So who wins this arbitrary competition? Whose hand is raised at the end of this traumatizing battle? Whose cuisine will reign supreme!?
Snowden – 259 comments, 14 tweets, 23 FB, 4 recs
Bishop – 371 comments, 22 tweets, 123 FB, 18 recs
Brookhouse – 80 comments, 10 tweets, 9 FB, 1 rec
Roling – 269 comments, 10 tweets, 80 FB, 0 recs
Nate – 233 comments, 2 tweets, 0 FB, 0 recs
So there it is. Bishop is the grand winner of the Post-UFC127 Editorial Rabble-Rouser Award!
Your prize is a date with the always lovely Ms. Suzuki: