FanPost

The origins of the WerdumFace—finally revealed

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The WerdumFace.

If you haven't seen it, you haven't been on an MMA site in months, and if that's true, I wanna know how the heck you're reading this article. (Seriously. Telepathy? Braille computer monitor? How are you conjuring this magic? I mean, I JUST posted the image, like, one inch above. So obviously you're lying about never having seen it. Why would you do something like that? Are you just trying to be a jerk or what?)

Anyhoozers.

A lot of people have been throwing around theories concerning where the face came from—his strange sense of humor, the 4chan troll face, localized seizures or strokes—but I've finally pieced together the evidence to come to you with the truth:

Emotional trauma. And only one man is responsible...

 

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This man. Junior Dos Santos.

Following their bout at UFC 90, MMA Weekly reported:

Following a rocky time in the Ultimate Fighting Championship, capped by a surprising knockout loss to Octagon newcomer Junior dos Santos at UFC 90, Chute Boxe fighter Fabricio Werdum has left the promotion.

Sources tell MMAWeekly.com that Werdum's exit comes on the heels of a failed contract renegotiation following the loss to dos Santos. The Brazilian came into the fight with the expectation that he would soon be contending for a heavyweight title shot.

The knockout at UFC 90 derailed anything of the like in the near future, and spurred a renegotiation of his contract. Werdum and the UFC were apparently unable to come to an agreement. He has already opened talks with other promotions in the U.S. and Japan.

Obviously the loss was a major turning point in Werdum's career, and many have doubted his veracity as a fighter ever since. But how could one devastating uppercut change the layout of a man's face so permanently?

The physiological evidence comes NOT from me, but from StreetCarnage.com and the inimitable Andrew W.K.:

One of the hardest faces to do in the history of faces is the Fight Face. It is so-named because it’s the face guys do after they’ve been in a fight and they want to look unfazed.

Here’s how it goes down…

STEP 1

You are sitting at a bar, minding your own business and some drunk psycho who just got dumped comes careening towards you.

STEP 2

For no reason he calls you a cocksucker and asks you if you have a fucking problem.

STEP 3

He starts wailing on you because he never got around to pounding the dude that fucked his girlfriend.

STEP 4

Your cave instincts send a tornado of adrenaline through your veins and your mind starts going at a hundred miles a minute trying to protect you from extinction.

 

STEP 5

He gets dragged out of the bar while you lie there and recover. It wasn’t that bad actually and you’re not really hurt but man that was close. You heart is vibrating like a humming bird but you don’t want anyone to know how scared you got.

 

STEP 6

This is where the Fight Face comes in. You think you’re smiling and being flippant but your face muscles are full of panic juice and you can’t actually get the cheeks to go up. The resulting grimace looks like someone is physically lifting up the corners of your mouth against your will.

STEP 7

I’m going to change "you" to "the victim" here because it’s too depressing to see you in this state. Ahem, "the victim" will try to sound nonchalant and make fake-casual remarks like, "Did you see that psycho sucker punch me? What the fuck was that about?" He also might show you his ripped t-shirt and say to the bar, "Anybody got a fuckin’ safety pin?"

 

STEP 8

The victim is unable to stop talking about the fight. Even though dude was removed from the club at 11 and it’s now 4 in the morning, the victim can’t stop repeating, "Did you see that guy sucker punch me?" He says this sentence about 100 times.

 

THE HOTEL RECEIPT FIGHT FACE

The only other time you will see anything like the Fight Face is when a guy’s girlfriend finds a local hotel receipt and shoves it in his face going, "What the fuck is this?" He knows he’s caught and is scared shitless but would like to appear casual and amused by how crazy his girlfriend is for accusing him of something so absurd.
This face is distinguishable from the fight face in that it tends to have sadder, more revealing eyes and will often make the girlfriend so sick to her stomach, she ceases to give a shit about him. Basically, if you catch yourself making this face to a woman you are dumped.

-- Andrew W.K.

 

Emotional trauma. Plain and simple.

Want proof of the connection? Here's never-before-seen documentation of the original WerdumFace, from the Fedor/Werdum Strikeforce press conference:

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May the Lord have mercy on his tormented soul.

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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