Fighter Monologue: The Entrance Part 2
Second fanpost ever and second installment of the fighter monologue. Enjoy and would appreciate any feedback.
Ten minutes to show time boys. Let’s go be ready to go. I got the callback, lucky me. Now I get to fight another up-and-comer like myself. Why am I nervous? I dominated and TKOed my opponent in less than three minutes. My next opponent is a dangerous fighter known for his heavy hands. Coach told me never to think of fighters in terms of human beings. They are only the opponent. No name, no face, just the next opponent who is in my way.
Two minutes. Coach nods at me. I stand up and I’m amazed how steady my legs are. This gives me some confidence. I know what I must do. My opponent’s dreams of a title run will have to wait. It’s my time not his. I push through the curtain. I am happy for the first time to be where I am. Hunt You Down by Saliva. A fitting song for what I was going to do to my opponent in that cage. My excitement rises like steam from boiling water. This is how it should always be. This feeling of excitement, this rush of energy is so overwhelming. There is no other place on earth that I would rather be now. The crowd cheers louder at my beckoning. Reaching the octagon, I turn to Dana and promise him KO of the night. He laughs and my confidence skyrockets. I jump all four steps at once and run around the octagon pumping my fists in the air waving my arms to make the crowd cheer even louder than before. I hear Coach calling me back to the corner in his usual polite and calm way. Once I get there I can tell he is about to unload on me. “Stop acting like a fucking three-year-old! Get your head on straight or I’ll do it for you!” I nod my head and calm down a little bit, while I patiently wait for my opponent to enter the cage.
Directly across from my opponent I motion that we will not be touching gloves. I don’t want him to think he will have an easy time with me because of my lack of experience. We meet in the center of the octagon. The referee starts talking. I tune him out completely. All my senses are devoted to my opponent. We stare each other down, neither of us wanting to be the one to look away first. We don’t touch gloves. I go back to my corner, feeling like a caged animal waiting for a chance to attack, brutalize, and destroy my opponent. The blood is pounding in my ears like massive drums beating inside my head. The adrenaline is flowing as if a dam holding back a massive river had been opened. The referee starts the fight. Here we go again.
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I'll be honest...
Unless you are a fighter, I don’t get this. I dunno if it is our place to idealize this stuff given that most of what we do is watch. Few, if any, of us actually fight, and I’m not sure how well we would be doing justice to them doing their job.
On the other hand, it ain’t badly written and you can for sure get better, but the spaces between lines mess with my eyes.
Sorry if I’m being a buzzkill.
The Internets: Where there are no girls and men become children.
i dont mind critiquing at all
I was actually training for a few years then got injured while training and required surgery because I trained through it and it kept getting worse so I was stupid in that regard. Still not fully healed yet. But I understand what your saying and sorry bout the spaces between the lines I pasted it from Microsoft word. Hope it was a good read for you though
by benten20 on Dec 22, 2011 7:18 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
I think you need to get a better grasp on clichés
and do better at avoiding them.
"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"
thank you
But overall enjoyable?
by benten20 on Dec 22, 2011 10:40 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Mainly not, do to the clichés.
The second paragraph is almost entirely composed of them. “My excitement rises” sounds a lot better without the “Like boiling water” for instance.
If you enjoy writing I suggest checking out some online resources to familiarize yourself with all the traps to avoid to make a good piece.
You can certainly paint a picture in the readers mind, however. Just try to be less overt, for example try showing what is happening instead of telling it. Like instead of “my excitement rises” try talking about a “symptom” of your excitement that would lead the reader to the same conclusion (you’re excited).
"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"
thank you i appreciate that
but i kinda put this together (all 3 that i did write) in about 10 minutes each so i understand if its not as good as it could be
i second that sentiment
also, i don’t really get the point but if you enjoy writing please go ahead. don’t underestimate what producing this stuff might give you.
by kaptenstofil on Dec 23, 2011 5:10 AM EST up reply actions
to be honest
i was bored in school and just started writing the first one to pass the time. it was a while ago and i found them on my computer and figured i would post them.

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