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Why IKilled007 Now Hates Jon Jones

Yeah, you read that right. I hate Jon Jones. Why? I wrote a poem about it:

Dear Jon, I wrote you but still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in Autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways, fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'm a call her?
I'm a name her Leah
I read about your brother Author too I'm sorry
I had a friend play for the Ravens, too, who'd want them
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with KOTC Klan
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with UFC too, that shit was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Mike

Dear Jon, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your fight
You didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Richard
That's my little brother man, he's only thirty-six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
For four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man, you're like his fuckin' idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein' lied to
Remember when we met in Denver, you said if I'd write you
You would write back, see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my coach neither,
He used to always cheat on the points and get eager
I can relate to what you're saying in your blogs
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Jon, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Mike, P.S.
We should be together too


Dear Mister "I'm Too Good To Call Or Write My Fans",
This will be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Jon, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
About that guy who could a saved that other guy from drowning
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you could a rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
I love you Jon, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me

What do you guys think?

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

Comment 123 comments  |  17 recs  | 

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This^

End thread:)

What's this war in the heart of nature? Why does nature vie with itself? The land contend with the sea? Is there an avenging power in nature? Not one power, but two?

by Kwisatz Haderach on Dec 17, 2011 9:06 PM EST up reply actions  

:)

And it’s true.

"If you say Chael Sonnen I will light you on fire." -- Farthammer.

by IKiIIed007 on Dec 16, 2011 5:24 PM EST up reply actions  

ha!

"If you say Chael Sonnen I will light you on fire." -- Farthammer.

by IKiIIed007 on Dec 16, 2011 5:43 PM EST up reply actions  

I just copy and pasted and changed the obvious shit real quick

I should have put some real effort into it, dammit.

"If you say Chael Sonnen I will light you on fire." -- Farthammer.

by IKiIIed007 on Dec 16, 2011 5:44 PM EST up reply actions  

Me too.

Fuckin Gold.

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"

by Shotokanman on Dec 17, 2011 6:10 PM EST up reply actions  

So happy to make this green

Hahaha

When you saw only one set of footprints, it was Herb Dean who carried you -- Mike Fagan

by hardlyworking on Dec 16, 2011 8:10 PM EST up reply actions  

I've missed your brilliantly appropriate gifs.

This is a good day.

"The President has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President?" -Anonymous

by Forbidden Psychological Technology on Dec 16, 2011 6:15 PM EST up reply actions  

That is a BADASS gif

How do you use gifs, i don’t know how to use gifs at all. How do you post them.

by Ageed-DBZ on Dec 17, 2011 1:27 PM EST up reply actions  

Same as a pic.

Irony (n.) -Michael Westbrook as the hero on Bully Beatdown.

by Jim America on Dec 17, 2011 2:14 PM EST up reply actions  

AWESOME!

"If you say Chael Sonnen I will light you on fire." -- Farthammer.

by IKiIIed007 on Dec 16, 2011 6:26 PM EST up reply actions  

They should allow all members one time a year when they can rec X a million, because this one deserves it. Brilliant work, OBP. Rec’ing this like a mofo.

by ( . Y . ) on Dec 16, 2011 6:30 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

I'm leaning that way for sure.

"If you say Chael Sonnen I will light you on fire." -- Farthammer.

by IKiIIed007 on Dec 17, 2011 3:19 PM EST up reply actions  

yoooooouuu guys

Always Remember, Don't Be A Sucker

by Our Bovine Public on Dec 17, 2011 4:40 PM EST up reply actions  

how?

I enjoy MMA, but I am no Michael Bisping

by Andy Anderson on Dec 17, 2011 6:52 PM EST up reply actions  

he googled it

"What the ancients called a clever fighter is one who not only wins, but excels in winning with ease."

by dedstrk316 on Dec 17, 2011 8:23 PM EST up reply actions   2 recs

shoot

I enjoy MMA, but I am no Michael Bisping

by Andy Anderson on Dec 18, 2011 3:59 PM EST up reply actions  

This was magical.

It's just a world, it's just a life.

by DirtyML on Dec 17, 2011 4:01 PM EST up reply actions  

VICTORY

Mike Massenzio's left MCL, ACL and PCL
11/01/1982-01/14/2012

by Charles Awad on Dec 17, 2011 4:45 PM EST up reply actions  

Maybe even better than the Original Post

However, we all gotta give it up to him for coming up with the idea. Though, your execution was ridiculous.

by Pooki on Dec 17, 2011 5:01 PM EST up reply actions  

Fantastic.

As an official representative of The Internet, I applaud you.

by skeebop on Dec 17, 2011 5:58 PM EST up reply actions  

Wow. Just wow.

I fucking love the BE.

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"

by Shotokanman on Dec 17, 2011 6:12 PM EST up reply actions  

Greatest response evah!

Did this destroy the previous rec/ord?

What's this war in the heart of nature? Why does nature vie with itself? The land contend with the sea? Is there an avenging power in nature? Not one power, but two?

by Kwisatz Haderach on Dec 17, 2011 9:07 PM EST up reply actions  

Ha, I tried to rec this, and it just wouldn't let me:)

You tilted the rec button.

What's this war in the heart of nature? Why does nature vie with itself? The land contend with the sea? Is there an avenging power in nature? Not one power, but two?

by Kwisatz Haderach on Dec 17, 2011 9:08 PM EST up reply actions  

The fanpost was awful, your response was superb.

by sheikybaby on Dec 17, 2011 10:24 PM EST up reply actions  

63 recs and counting.

Gold, Jerry! Actually, there should be another color for comments to turn once they break 50 and then again when they break 100, 500, 1000, etc. recs.

"If you say Chael Sonnen I will light you on fire." -- Farthammer.

by IKiIIed007 on Dec 18, 2011 4:05 AM EST up reply actions  

Dan Hardy?

I got yogurt meat-loaf spread all over my ass
stick my weiner in two buns and then give it the gas
sour cream from my spleen into Levi jeans
gonna burst the seams with my re-fried beans!

by OmoPlata on Dec 18, 2011 11:01 AM EST up reply actions  

Are you talkin to me?

Your beliefs become your reality.

by Hardy's in your face on Dec 18, 2011 6:25 PM EST up reply actions  

Win.

I don’t think anyone else will ever top this!

Can we have this comment promoted to the front page? :)

by Arca MMA on Dec 18, 2011 12:00 PM EST up reply actions  

I'd rec this

but it’s stuck at 69 right now, which seems appropriate somehow.

Tatum: I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.

by Dave Strummer on Dec 18, 2011 12:50 PM EST up reply actions  

I enjoyed the virtual 69 while it lasted

Always Remember, Don't Be A Sucker

by Our Bovine Public on Dec 18, 2011 12:54 PM EST up reply actions  

WOWOW

Really GREAT!!!!!!!! Jones should read all these great pieces you know that? :) I LOVE EM!

by szanpan on Dec 18, 2011 4:33 PM EST up reply actions  

It will be a goddamn crying shame if this does not reach 100 recs.

"If you say the words "Clint Eastwood" and western in a sentence, my pants are magically around my ankles." - mountaineers101

by Earl Montclair on Dec 18, 2011 5:44 PM EST up reply actions  

Now at 102. Best comment EVAH!!!

by Shnak on Dec 19, 2011 11:29 AM EST up reply actions  

Holy 88 recs

Mike Massenzio's left MCL, ACL and PCL
11/01/1982-01/14/2012

by Charles Awad on Dec 18, 2011 11:03 PM EST up reply actions  

The response was much better than the OP

007 changed a few lines… it was garbage

You actually thought it through. Well done.

by callithowyouseeit on Dec 20, 2011 11:50 AM EST up reply actions  

Whats a pome?

I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!

by attgnp on Dec 16, 2011 9:38 PM EST up reply actions  

HAHA, sorry just giving you shit

I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!

by attgnp on Dec 16, 2011 10:24 PM EST up reply actions  

But...

I thought you didn’t give a fuck?

The Season 4 BE rec’ing CHAMPION!
The Season 1 Blow the Staff CHAMPION!
The Season 2, 3 and 4 Cat Molesting CHAMPION!
The reigning and defending Transgendered S&M CHAMPION!
And the soon to be Ugly-Ass Ben Saunders Shirt Buying CHAMPION!

by Chris Hall on Dec 16, 2011 11:18 PM EST up reply actions  

True, I just don't give a fuck but

I can not give a fuck and still give him shit right????

I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!

by attgnp on Dec 17, 2011 12:01 AM EST up reply actions  

I thought it was an apple

"What the ancients called a clever fighter is one who not only wins, but excels in winning with ease."

by dedstrk316 on Dec 17, 2011 8:25 PM EST up reply actions  

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I

got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window
and I can’t see at all
and even if I could, it’d all be grey
but your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it’s not so bad
it’s not so baaaad.

"You got Floyd Mayweather making 25 million dollars...he can't stop the double leg." - Nick Diaz

by Chris Groves on Dec 17, 2011 2:37 AM EST reply actions  

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I

got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window
and I can’t see at all
and even if I could, it’d all be grey
but your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it’s not so bad
it’s not so baaaad.

I enjoy MMA, but I am no Michael Bisping

by Andy Anderson on Dec 17, 2011 7:17 AM EST up reply actions  

Who gave that baby liquor?

The Season 4 BE rec’ing CHAMPION!
The Season 1 Blow the Staff CHAMPION!
The Season 2, 3 and 4 Cat Molesting CHAMPION!
The reigning and defending Transgendered S&M CHAMPION!
And the soon to be Ugly-Ass Ben Saunders Shirt Buying CHAMPION!

by Chris Hall on Dec 17, 2011 1:08 PM EST up reply actions  

How else are you gonna get them to sleep through the night?

Irony (n.) -Michael Westbrook as the hero on Bully Beatdown.

by Jim America on Dec 17, 2011 2:15 PM EST up reply actions  

Looks like my Colts this year.

“A football? The FUCK IS THAT!? GET IT AWAY FROM ME! YES! TAKE IT ARIAN FOSTER! DON’T TAKE IT NEAR US! WE’LL LET YOU THROUGH THIS LINE OF US! JUST DON’T TOUCH US WITH IT!”

KEMvP

"You know Joe, if Keith Jardines last name was Johnson, the nickname 'The Dean of Mean' wouldn't work at all."

by T.C. Engel on Dec 17, 2011 2:17 PM EST up reply actions   2 recs

They say no superstar is more important than the team...

but God damn if Manning isn’t putting that maxim to the test.

"If you say Chael Sonnen I will light you on fire." -- Farthammer.

by IKiIIed007 on Dec 17, 2011 2:49 PM EST up reply actions  

Exactly.

"If you say Chael Sonnen I will light you on fire." -- Farthammer.

by IKiIIed007 on Dec 17, 2011 3:18 PM EST up reply actions  

Rec'd.

/right click
/save as

Work hard, play harder, rest easy.

by jwolf0 on Dec 19, 2011 12:06 PM EST up reply actions  

WE’RE WINNING A FUCKING GAME

KEMvP

"You know Joe, if Keith Jardines last name was Johnson, the nickname 'The Dean of Mean' wouldn't work at all."

by T.C. Engel on Dec 18, 2011 3:51 PM EST up reply actions  

BALTIMORE IS EXPOSED!

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky - Michael Scott

by Sugel Mendoza on Dec 20, 2011 1:14 PM EST up reply actions  

Hahaha you know it.

KEMvP

"You know Joe, if Keith Jardines last name was Johnson, the nickname 'The Dean of Mean' wouldn't work at all."

by T.C. Engel on Dec 20, 2011 2:28 PM EST up reply actions  

Colts and Dodgers..

It’s no wonder you’re gropping Jones’ nuts

I just fast travelled to a location where a cave bear, 2 wolves and 3 giant ass spiders attacked me. They felt the wrath of my glass war axe - Jon Fitch

by AusEagle on Dec 19, 2011 11:02 PM EST up reply actions  

For someone whose two favorite professional sports teams have won exactly zero championships, that’s some tall talk.

KEMvP

"You know Joe, if Keith Jardines last name was Johnson, the nickname 'The Dean of Mean' wouldn't work at all."

by T.C. Engel on Dec 19, 2011 11:22 PM EST up reply actions   2 recs

I deserved that.....

Well played.

I’m a part-time dodgers fan myself, as I always seem to end up at a game at Dodger Stadium when I’m in the US, but I don’t really know enough about baseball to commit.

I just fast travelled to a location where a cave bear, 2 wolves and 3 giant ass spiders attacked me. They felt the wrath of my glass war axe - Jon Fitch

by AusEagle on Dec 20, 2011 1:04 AM EST up reply actions  

Haha, it was there, I had to take it. Plus, I HATE the Nucks.

KEMvP

"You know Joe, if Keith Jardines last name was Johnson, the nickname 'The Dean of Mean' wouldn't work at all."

by T.C. Engel on Dec 20, 2011 1:08 AM EST up reply actions  

Hobbies

try em, they’ll help.

by Dootch on Dec 17, 2011 12:19 PM EST reply actions  

Jon smiles when some call him the GOAT
on his nuts his fans he would tote
Ikilled said wassup?
he would have given a thumbs up
but it’s still stuck down on shougun’s throat

Your beliefs become your reality.

by Hardy's in your face on Dec 17, 2011 1:45 PM EST reply actions  

I, too, was moved to write a poem

An Open Poem, to An Erstwhile Fan of the GOAT:

I guess you forgot about that mugger,
Mr. Former Bones Nut Hugger,
Jon was just meditatin’ in the park,
When some poor old lady started to bark,
Her purse only had about a dollar,
But Bones risked all and made the collar.
I mean, really, for goodness sake,
You can’t do that shit if your ass is fake.

by ( . Y . ) on Dec 17, 2011 2:19 PM EST reply actions   2 recs

Not fuckin cool man.

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"

by Shotokanman on Dec 17, 2011 6:14 PM EST up reply actions   2 recs

Dude he looks dead

I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!

by attgnp on Dec 17, 2011 6:16 PM EST up reply actions  

He probably was for like 3 seconds.

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"

by Shotokanman on Dec 17, 2011 7:26 PM EST up reply actions  

Are you serious?

KEMvP

"You know Joe, if Keith Jardines last name was Johnson, the nickname 'The Dean of Mean' wouldn't work at all."

by T.C. Engel on Dec 17, 2011 7:05 PM EST up reply actions  

Too soon.

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"

by Shotokanman on Dec 17, 2011 7:25 PM EST up reply actions  

dude, if I had a real computer instead of this rinkydink glorified netbook

I’d have made an eye blinking gif from this shot on Sunday morning.

I'm all out of bubblegum

by some schmuck in texas on Dec 17, 2011 7:28 PM EST up reply actions  

Sweet Fucking Jesus.

My poor Dragon.

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"

by Shotokanman on Dec 18, 2011 1:25 PM EST up reply actions  

Good, fuck.

I was just thinking you were getting delusional. And I was like.. Shoto, man, I respected you! Now you gotta go and do somethin like this! You.. Poopmouth! Got poop in your mouth! But now it’s all good.

KEMvP

"You know Joe, if Keith Jardines last name was Johnson, the nickname 'The Dean of Mean' wouldn't work at all."

by T.C. Engel on Dec 17, 2011 9:38 PM EST up reply actions  

Go Fuck Yourself, San Diego.

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"

by Shotokanman on Dec 18, 2011 1:27 PM EST up reply actions  

Just Kiddin!

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"

by Shotokanman on Dec 18, 2011 1:28 PM EST up reply actions  

Hahahaha no worries good man. Even if it was serious, I could never get mad at a quote. You know, when in Rome.

KEMvP

"You know Joe, if Keith Jardines last name was Johnson, the nickname 'The Dean of Mean' wouldn't work at all."

by T.C. Engel on Dec 18, 2011 3:50 PM EST up reply actions  

And no.

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere."
"Train by day... Joe Rogan Podcast By Night... All Day!"

by Shotokanman on Dec 17, 2011 7:26 PM EST up reply actions  

Only acceptable for fighters that are douches, not Lyoto…

by juanchoD on Dec 18, 2011 4:31 PM EST up reply actions  

Well, you could say that Lyoto’s a douche for the stunt he pulled for 133… Jones never pulled stunts like that one, and has in fact stepped up to the plate to save an event, multiple times actually. Just sayin’.

by Shnak on Dec 19, 2011 11:31 AM EST up reply actions  

I'm not even sure what to Infer from this Poem

But, well done. I would clap if you could hear it. Very Clever.

by Pooki on Dec 17, 2011 4:56 PM EST reply actions  

OK, some of you seem unfamiliar with the source material.

I ripped off an Eminem song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSLZFdqwh7E

Tried to make a funny, hope some of you liked it.

"If you say Chael Sonnen I will light you on fire." -- Farthammer.

by IKiIIed007 on Dec 17, 2011 8:11 PM EST reply actions  

Oh man,

I am extremely relieved that this was tonge- in- cheek. As opposed to gun- in- mouth.

"God loves violence... Why else would there be so much of it? It's in us. It's what we are. We wage war, we burn sacrifices, and pillage and plunder and tear at the flesh of our brothers. And why? Because God gave us violence to wage in his honor... There's no moral order at all. There's just this: can my violence conquer yours?"
- Warden of Ashecliffe Hospital

by ElliotMatheny on Dec 18, 2011 9:51 AM EST up reply actions  

It was pretty great. Our Bovine Public just hit it back out of the park.

What's this war in the heart of nature? Why does nature vie with itself? The land contend with the sea? Is there an avenging power in nature? Not one power, but two?

by Kwisatz Haderach on Dec 18, 2011 2:37 PM EST up reply actions  

This was cool. Nice job IKilled007. Nice job OBP too on the reply

I got yogurt meat-loaf spread all over my ass
stick my weiner in two buns and then give it the gas
sour cream from my spleen into Levi jeans
gonna burst the seams with my re-fried beans!

by OmoPlata on Dec 18, 2011 11:08 AM EST reply actions   1 recs

Psychoblack's Response

Pump ya fists like this
Holla if ya hear me – PUMP PUMP if you’re pissed
To the sell-outs, livin it up
One way or another you’ll be givin it up, huh
I guess cause I’m black born
I’m supposed to say peace, sing songs, and get capped on
But it’s time for a new plan, BAM!
I’ll be swingin like a one man, clan
Here we go, turn it up, don’t stop
To my homies on the block gettin dropped by cops
I’m still around for ya
Keepin my sound underground for ya
And I’ma throw a change up
Quayle, like you never brought my name up
Now my homies in the backstreets, the blackstreets
They fell me when they rollin in they fat jeeps
This ain’t just a rap song, a black song
Tellin all my brothers, get they strap on
And look for me in the struggle
Hustlin ’til other brothers bubble -

I enjoy MMA, but I am no Michael Bisping

by Andy Anderson on Dec 18, 2011 9:17 PM EST reply actions  

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