FanPost

You're a Class Act, Charlie Brown...

WARNING-The following fanpost (that you are being required to spend exactly no dollars to read) are merely the 100% sincere reflections of a man (and/or woman) who simply knows better than you. Any potential mistakes with said article that you may so futilely attempt at pointing out are merely the result of delusions created by your own mind in order to deal with receiving such a high dose of well-informed clarity at one sitting. Reader discretion is advised.

Images_medium

"Hey Lyoto, heads up. This landing might be a little rough."

Sportsmanship, the cornerstone of any nutritious sporting event. Recently controversy has been stirring like the collective bowels in an El Polo Loco parking lot about two particular fighters and their recent conduct at the end of their respective fights. Now a lot of people are throwing around varying opinions on the matter, but none of them are mine (so they’re all equally just as wrong). I would now like to do you all a favor by throwing in my own 2 cents on the matter, which in all honesty is worth about 10 dollars when converted over into the opinions of anyone else. I’d like to really try to tackle this issue from a female’s perspective, but with the firm grasp of logic and uncompromising bravado of a man. So strap yourselves in (or on, whatever your preference) and prepare to get blasted with some common sense (I’ll try not to get any in your hair).

MMA is not a sport all about respect, or honor, or strength of will, or any of the other horse-shit Mister Miyagi was rambling on about while he tricked misguided students into washing his car for free (make sure to throw a turtle wax on that, trust me it’ll totally help against Kobra Kai). We aren’t in Feudal Japan anymore kids, we live in America (if you’re lucky enough to while reading this). MMA is a hard sport, filled with hard men coming at each other from all angles. That’s right, and it only sounded as weird as your perverted mind allowed it to. This isn’t child’s play, that was a movie about the horrors of when redheads are allowed to conceive. This is a sport all about ALPHAS going at it full thrust to determine who’s the #1 p4p person-hurter in the world. The shit is checkers not Seti (the ancient Egyptian strategy game played on a surface similar to that of a chessboard). Save all that honor and tradition talk for your Bruce Lee fan-fiction blogs. For the brave men, skirts, and toddlers who may chose to participate in professional fighting of any kind it should be a known fact beforehand that when you play with the big boys you better bring big enough balls. All that "respect" talk should be left out on the curb for <insert your local trash collection day here>.

Now I know what you’re all thinking, and personally I wouldn’t be able to go through with it myself (but hey, she is only your half-sister afterall). Now let me tell you what you should be thinking, "Mr. Emcee, personally I {being you} think that you {being me} aren’t grasping the real issue at hand. If you {being I, but not the I that is you reading this} don’t see the need for a little honor and consideration, especially in a sport already so dangerous in it’s general nature, then not only is that mentality potentially harmful to others but it also leads me {being the person you are} to believe that you {how are you still so confused about this?} harbor a fair share of ignorance towards the matter." I feel as though I laid that out clearly enough for you to grasp, so now I’m going to allow you a moment to think that thought for yourself….are you done yet? Good, now who do you think you are calling me ignorant? Clearly you {being you} are too childish to have a civilized debate without any personal attacks or name calling being involved so I won't even bother to justify your point with a legitimate response…you little bitch (hey, you {being me} started it).

Some of my favorite fighters have done downright despicable things in the middle of a fight. That’s part of what makes them so damn memorable. Let’s be honest, which Uncle left more of an impact on you? The one who insisted that you get to stay with them as much as possible and let you have as much candy and play as many videogames as you wanted while at their house, or the one who didn’t molest you? EXACTLY! So to close this article on an even stronger note than you thought was even possible I’m going to go ahead and give you a comprehensive (no scratch that, I just found out what that word means) moderate list of my top 5 personal favorite disrespectful fighters today.

5. Michael Bisping

Images_medium


If douche had a face it’d be his (it’d also be the last thing women would want going anywhere near their privates). Not only would he be a living douche but he’d be a British douche at that, so most likely he wouldn’t even have the decency to be filled with water containing fluoride.

4. Nick Diaz

Images_medium


What can be said about Nick Diaz that wasn’t already put on the police report. All he likes to do is fight and smoke pot, the guy doesn’t even try to pretend to care about his brain cells. He’s about as charming as an assault charge (also the frequent recipient of them) but he’s also tougher than the Octomom’s chewed up nipples.

3. Kenny Florian

Images_medium

Three words: What...A...Dick.

2. Jon Jones

Images_medium


"It's just the way he does stuff, you know those things. Like how he almost kind of does illegal things, but not really. Or how about all those times he honestly voiced his opinion, but even when he's being honest he’s still being fake you know. Like he’s just doing what he thinks will make people like him even though they don’t, but he also does things that expose his real personality, I think…I don’t know him personally or anything. But then the way he does stuff like immediately disengaging from the chokehold on Machida dropping him on his face as soon as he was asked to by the ref same as many other fighters before him have done in the exact same manner that nobody ever took issue with. It’s like hey, there’s a little something called an unwritten rule."

Yeah, you know why unwritten rules remain unwritten? Because no one thinks they’re important enough to waste time writing down.

1. Anderson Silva

Images_medium


If I was going to have sex with any man in the world it’d be Anderson Silva, if only because really he could just take it if he wanted to. Anderson is so skilled in the art of leaving people with traumatizing memories you’d swear he was a member of clergy. Anderson Silva dominates his opponents so badly that they wake up the next day with "Anderson wuz here" tattooed over the roof of their anal canal (he'll get in your ass...is what I'm driving at here). Silva doesn’t have fights, he goes #2 onto a plate, walks into a cage and treats his opponent to a five-star course of humiliation. What’s the opposite of being ganged up on? Whatever it is it’s what Anderson has managed to do to the entire Middleweight division. #1 p4p fighter, sex symbol, superhero, remorseless widow maker, uhh…bald…black Brazilian guy, and any other arbitrary thing you might want to throw in there.

Honorable mentions: Your mother, your father, and your ugly face (cause that’s how I roll).

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Bloody Elbow

You must be a member of Bloody Elbow to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bloody Elbow. You should read them.

Join Bloody Elbow

You must be a member of Bloody Elbow to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bloody Elbow. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_5349_tracker