via mmajunkie.com

You know, I could really go on and on about how badly Georges St-Pierre is going to beat Nick Diaz. At the same time, I think that it would be incredibly redundant. We all know that Diaz won't be able to stop GSP's shot. We all know that Diaz is going to be outgrappled by the superior grappler. We all know Diaz's feeble attempts at triangles and armbars will be shrugged off by GSP. We all know that Diaz won't be able to handle GSP's ability to switch between striking and grappling seamlessly. Rather than go into a long gif-heavy post about it, I'd prefer to talk about the Fitching that is coming Nick Diaz's way.

Jon Fitch is a better fighter than Nick Diaz. Less entertaining, but ultimately a better fighter. The fact he's only lost once since entering the UFC speaks for itself. Beyond that, it's downright uncanny that he can beat so many fighters with such a basic gameplan. Here are the prime directives of the Fitch:

1. Get Clinch/Shoot for takedown

2. Drag opponent to ground

3. Wear on opponent for fifteen minutes

4. CLASSIFIED

It really doesn't matter who you put in front of Fitch. Unless it's GSP, they're going down and are about to enjoy an entire three rounds of suffering and misery. It really is uncanny to watch. Even BJ Penn's attempts to take Fitch off guard simply delayed the inevitable, as it simply made his Fitching ten times worse.

So, how do I know that the two will even fight? Well, to be quite honest, the only way the fight won't happen is if Johnny Hendricks beats Fitch. Then again, when that happens I'll be able to buy a snowcone in the second circle of Hell. So, let's say that Diaz beats GSP.

Try not to laugh.

If Diaz beats GSP, ultimately it will be Fitch who is the number one contender. Thus, the fight will happen. If not, Fitch will most likely be put in a matchup with Diaz considering their proximity in the UFC's rankings. Not to mention, the logic behind pitting the two against each other would be similar to that of the logic of pitting Fitch against Penn. Fitch is going to have to fight. 

That's where the fun will begin. Diaz fans, your hearts will break. The "Stockton Slap" will be nullified by a swift clinch. The taunts won't happen, because Diaz will be put on his back. His Jiu-Jitsu you love so much will mean dick because Jon Fitch is better at it. No submissions. Nothing. Just fifteen to twenty five minutes of Diaz getting punched in the head. Unanimous decision, Jon Fitch. The crowds will sleep, the Diaz war wagon will proclaim their fighter "won" and I will take another sip of merlot as I plan world domination.

All is right with the world.

Oh, don't get mad. No point in getting mad at the constant things in life. In fact, take comfort in them. Take comfort in the fact that Fitch is predictable. Take comfort in the fact that GSP is better than Nick Diaz. Take comfort in the fact that Snowden is wrong. It's awesome to be in touch with reality.

You know you love me.

-Micah C.