FanPost

The UFC Undisputed Girlfriend Experience. Re: WTF?


I haven't picked up the new UFC Undisputed 2010 game yet, but I was playing last year's game yesterday and I had an experience that messed me up.  I'm not a huge gamer, but when I do play, I'm usually pretty reserved about these things.  I'm the guy that zones out when he plays.  I usually just sit still and play quietly, so I'm not very animated when I play.  I've had friends who freak out when they play, who if I am sitting next to them, they will start to elbow me and shoulder-check me cause apparently there is an imaginary link that requires the player to react physically the same way the character does on screen.  I never understood that, and to be honest, I find it kind of annoying.  Amusing, but annoying.

Last night, my girlfriend decided she wanted to try UFC Undisputed 2009 with me.  Sure.  Why not, I thought?  I figured I'd go easy on her because I figure I'm pretty good at the game.  I had been on a winning streak lately where I hadn't lost in months.  So I pick BJ Penn and she picks GSP, cause he's her favorite.  Obviously.  What happened next was... unbelievable.  I thought some of my friends were bad with their animated play, but she blew them all out of the water.

She's not very good.  Obviously, cause this was the first time she ever played.  The problem though, was how loud she was.  I'm jabbing GSP to death and all I can hear is her screaming, and I mean, screaming, "NO! NO! NO! C'MON YOU BITCH, NO! NO! NO!"  I take GSP down and start some ground'n pound, and she's screaming, "GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!"  Now what happens next takes me by surprise. She gets up off the couch and starts jumping up and down, slamming the buttons with her fingers screaming at GSP to get up. 

At this point, I'm thinking, "WTF is this?  Who are you?"  While I'm staring at her speachless, she starts swinging the controller wildly.  Her face is flushed red, her curly hair is all over the place and she's gritting her teeth and clenching the controller in a kung-fu grip that turns her knuckles white.  As the round progresses, she's inching, closer and closer to the TV until she's only two feet away, reeling back with the controller as if she's pulling in a giant Salmon with a fishing rod.  I'm watching her sweat, and I mean really sweat, it's almost disgusting.  Next thing I know, I'm caught in a submission and she subs me.  This brings screams of jubilation.  She says something to the effect of, "In your face!"  I am speachless.  What a freak of nature.

We go for the rematch, and my girlfriend then starts taking off her pants.  I know.  When I ask her what she's doing, she says, "I'm really hot.  I need to take my pants off."  So we play the next two times with her screaming and jumping and gyrating her hips towards the TV, all the while she's wearing just her t-shirt and panties.  Now, usually this would be sexy, but the string of obscenities that spewed from her mouth, coupled with her proceeding to both KO me and submit me two more times, had me truly scared to ever play her again.  Normally when you play other people, they have a pattern of fighting, certain habits, that you can figure out and beat them eventually.  But there is no method to her madness.  It's like trying to play against a tornado.  By the end, she was a sweaty, half-naked mess and I didn't even get laid.  True story. 

Now I ask: Has anyone ever seen anyone behave like this?  She's now addicted to the game, but I refuse to play with her until she learns some self control.  It's downright scary.

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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