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The UFC Undisputed Girlfriend Experience. Re: WTF?


I haven't picked up the new UFC Undisputed 2010 game yet, but I was playing last year's game yesterday and I had an experience that messed me up.  I'm not a huge gamer, but when I do play, I'm usually pretty reserved about these things.  I'm the guy that zones out when he plays.  I usually just sit still and play quietly, so I'm not very animated when I play.  I've had friends who freak out when they play, who if I am sitting next to them, they will start to elbow me and shoulder-check me cause apparently there is an imaginary link that requires the player to react physically the same way the character does on screen.  I never understood that, and to be honest, I find it kind of annoying.  Amusing, but annoying.

Last night, my girlfriend decided she wanted to try UFC Undisputed 2009 with me.  Sure.  Why not, I thought?  I figured I'd go easy on her because I figure I'm pretty good at the game.  I had been on a winning streak lately where I hadn't lost in months.  So I pick BJ Penn and she picks GSP, cause he's her favorite.  Obviously.  What happened next was... unbelievable.  I thought some of my friends were bad with their animated play, but she blew them all out of the water.

She's not very good.  Obviously, cause this was the first time she ever played.  The problem though, was how loud she was.  I'm jabbing GSP to death and all I can hear is her screaming, and I mean, screaming, "NO! NO! NO! C'MON YOU BITCH, NO! NO! NO!"  I take GSP down and start some ground'n pound, and she's screaming, "GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!"  Now what happens next takes me by surprise. She gets up off the couch and starts jumping up and down, slamming the buttons with her fingers screaming at GSP to get up. 

At this point, I'm thinking, "WTF is this?  Who are you?"  While I'm staring at her speachless, she starts swinging the controller wildly.  Her face is flushed red, her curly hair is all over the place and she's gritting her teeth and clenching the controller in a kung-fu grip that turns her knuckles white.  As the round progresses, she's inching, closer and closer to the TV until she's only two feet away, reeling back with the controller as if she's pulling in a giant Salmon with a fishing rod.  I'm watching her sweat, and I mean really sweat, it's almost disgusting.  Next thing I know, I'm caught in a submission and she subs me.  This brings screams of jubilation.  She says something to the effect of, "In your face!"  I am speachless.  What a freak of nature.

We go for the rematch, and my girlfriend then starts taking off her pants.  I know.  When I ask her what she's doing, she says, "I'm really hot.  I need to take my pants off."  So we play the next two times with her screaming and jumping and gyrating her hips towards the TV, all the while she's wearing just her t-shirt and panties.  Now, usually this would be sexy, but the string of obscenities that spewed from her mouth, coupled with her proceeding to both KO me and submit me two more times, had me truly scared to ever play her again.  Normally when you play other people, they have a pattern of fighting, certain habits, that you can figure out and beat them eventually.  But there is no method to her madness.  It's like trying to play against a tornado.  By the end, she was a sweaty, half-naked mess and I didn't even get laid.  True story. 

Now I ask: Has anyone ever seen anyone behave like this?  She's now addicted to the game, but I refuse to play with her until she learns some self control.  It's downright scary.

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

Comment 47 comments  |  21 recs  | 

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When my wife loses at Mario Kart or Mario Party she literally doesn’t talk to me for a few hours…scary

by Josh Ruge on May 29, 2010 1:29 PM EDT reply actions  

That stupid cheating whore Peach

Always teleports at the end of the race to beat me

UDDDDAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Η κόλαση δεν έχει μυστικά

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!!!!!!

"fuk u i hate peas"- CNCITINFO (Random BGN troll)

by Udalango on May 29, 2010 6:40 PM EDT up reply actions  

This is one of the most entertaining articles I've ever read

Thank you. Rec’d. And may your girlfriend continue to kick your ass at Undisputed.

"It's fourth and fifteen and you're looking at a full-court press." - Lt. Frank Drebin, Police Squad

by SSreporters on May 29, 2010 1:32 PM EDT reply actions  

No problem, and thanks for reading!

by pud333 on May 29, 2010 1:44 PM EDT up reply actions  

All that AND no play?

Damn, sorry, man.

When you watch the Orioles every night, a beer after dinner turns into a six pack WAY too many times. Stacey

by duck on May 29, 2010 5:15 PM EDT up reply actions  

LOL!

great description.

I'm like PacMan fightin you silly kids... throw ya Hatton the ring, and get knocked outlike Ricky did.
lol.

by Loot on May 29, 2010 1:56 PM EDT reply actions  

Haha this was great.

Me and my GF play Tekken together often, she always plays as Eddy Gordo and starts button mashing and kicks my ass.

"If your going to come on then come on!" - Harold Howard

by Bandaka on May 29, 2010 2:04 PM EDT reply actions  

I hate playing against button mashers.

by pud333 on May 29, 2010 2:08 PM EDT up reply actions   2 recs

Yep

I could totally empathize when you were talking about how unpredictable she is. I was a tournament fighting game player for years, and nobody can beat me in Soul Calibur like my buddy’s six year old daughter.

"I have trained to fight an army. There is no way one man can stop me if many cannot." -Georges St. Pierre

by Charles Awad on May 29, 2010 7:22 PM EDT up reply actions  

I Read your piece to my GF...

since your description reminded me or a more extreme version of her. She also found it to be hilarious.

I'm like PacMan fightin you silly kids... throw ya Hatton the ring, and get knocked outlike Ricky did.
lol.

by Loot on May 29, 2010 2:35 PM EDT reply actions  

lol. That’s cool, man. Glad my GF’s eccentricities can be enjoyed by others.

by pud333 on May 29, 2010 2:42 PM EDT up reply actions  

There's something about women and fighting games.

My girlfriend is the exact same way with Undisputed. (and Tekken, and Soul Caliber, and probably any other fighting game that you could think of) She always picks FoGriff (again, because he’s her fave) and pulls off submissions and KOs out of nowhere. I have to LnP just to get a win because she’s never bothered to do the tutorial so she doesn’t know how to transition on the ground. She likes kicking my ass so much that she told me I can’t trade 09 in unless I get 2010 to replace it.

"Sometimes hype just ain't enough." - Jens Pulver on his win over BJ Penn

by lowellthehammer on May 29, 2010 2:50 PM EDT reply actions  

I have to LnP just to get a win because she’s never bothered to do the tutorial so she doesn’t know how to transition on the ground.

lol. Maybe that’s what I’ll try next time.

by pud333 on May 29, 2010 4:40 PM EDT up reply actions  

Interesting...

For a second I thought you were gonna reveal that Sasha Grey is an unlockable character in Undisputed.

by David Castillo on May 29, 2010 3:21 PM EDT reply actions  

lol

what made you think of sasha grey?

"If your going to come on then come on!" - Harold Howard

by Bandaka on May 29, 2010 4:00 PM EDT up reply actions  

That was awesome. Great read.

http://www.twitter.com/TB_Money

by Tim Burke on May 29, 2010 3:24 PM EDT reply actions  

Yo

I’ll trade you girlfriends, mine hated UFC Undisputed 2009

follow me twitter.com/GotaHemmi

by Brian Hemminger on May 29, 2010 5:01 PM EDT reply actions  

Also, I enjoyed this read very much.

Twitter: @Mike_Fagan_13
http://www.sackmikegoldberg.com

by Mike Fagan on May 29, 2010 5:52 PM EDT up reply actions  

Was thinking the exact same thing.

Dude. It's Anderson Silva.
If he gives a damn he will end Sonnen’s night by either sub or KO.
-SSreporters

By Monday morning Chael Sonnen will be pissing out of his neck.
-Also SSreporters

by Razreshat on May 30, 2010 7:08 PM EDT up reply actions  

I played the 2010 demo on Xbox last week with my girlfriend

And she definitely got into it, but no obsecenities. It was just intense and fun.

I think most women walk around with alot of suppressed anger due to all the sexism around them, so it’s no surprise when it comes out intensely – like with a fighting video game. They finally have an outlet that is safe and “fun”.

BTW – we split the 12 matches evenly….but I’m studying up for the rematches. :)

by Django Z on May 29, 2010 5:55 PM EDT reply actions  

Good shit

When I started reading this I was like “Yeah, I’m going to hate this story”, but then you got me. Funny stuff. Almost every girl I’ve ever dated has laughed at me for playing video games. Jerks..

"I have trained to fight an army. There is no way one man can stop me if many cannot." -Georges St. Pierre

by Charles Awad on May 29, 2010 7:25 PM EDT reply actions  

Boys rule, girls drool. Simple as that. :)

by pud333 on May 29, 2010 9:55 PM EDT up reply actions  

Great read!

You have really a really good storytelling style. Fun stuff, one of the best fanposts I’ve ever read on here.

Definitely rec’d.

P.S. I don’t really have any desire to play this game with my GF. I got her hooked on Red Dead Redemption though, so much so that she went out and bought it. RDR = GOTY.

Oh, and UFCU2010 is a breath of fresh air compared to last years. I actually enjoy this one.

"The path to enlightenment is through suffering"

by RearNakedChoker on May 30, 2010 1:06 AM EDT reply actions  

Not my woman

My woman prefers games like Battlefield II and COD 4 where she can “take bitches” 5 at a time and rub it in on voice chat that the dudes she’s playing against ought to be wearing panties. She picks names like “Girlscout” and “Daddysgirl” and proceeds to stomp mudholes in their asses. Makes me so proud.

"Daydreams of a 'fair' world which would treat him according to his 'real worth' are the refuge of all those plagued by a lack of self-knowledge." -- Ludwig von Mises.

by IKilled007 on May 30, 2010 4:45 AM EDT reply actions  

Haha

This article was great..

by woodson28 on May 30, 2010 10:05 AM EDT reply actions  

Wonderful!

Does she get into actual UFC PPV’s? I would think that she would be a great date to take to a bar for a PPV. May even get you in some hot water by pissing off some dude sitting next to the both of you. She sounds great, keep her!

by AceHogg on May 30, 2010 10:32 AM EDT reply actions  

She’s pretty good about it. She’s a total enabler. She likes MMA, but only really pays attention when fighters she likes are fighting (GSP, Griffin, etc), and she won’t say stupid things during the PPV, because she’s seen enough MMA now to know what she’s watching, and she’ll let me have my UFC parties where she’ll totally play hostess and help plan/make food for my buddies. She’s a great girl.

by pud333 on May 31, 2010 10:32 AM EDT up reply actions  

I’m kinda turned on by that story….pic of G/F?

"Bottom line, wrestling is a martal art. If you can’t hang, go kickbox for K-1."

Pain don't hurt...

by RolloTomasi on May 30, 2010 3:49 PM EDT reply actions  

I stopped playing with my ex, because she was such a sore loser.

To add insults to injury I trash talk (all nice, think Sonnen), I can’t help it. So she had enough and bought LIPS, and she made me sing Lady Gaga (poker face), a duel. I won (not proud), and she struck me with the funky shinny mic which was very light.
Angry sex ensued.

The girl I’m with now won’t even watch a fight, because it’s too violent, dudes on the floor are gay, fights are fake, she laugh every time I say gogoplata (this one I do on purpose though)… lost cause!

I'm a lover not a fighter

by spectaa on May 30, 2010 10:18 PM EDT reply actions  

No offense but she sounds like an idiot.

"Bottom line, wrestling is a martal art. If you can’t hang, go kickbox for K-1."

Pain don't hurt...

by RolloTomasi on May 30, 2010 11:51 PM EDT reply actions  

My girlfriend will only play cartoony wii games and makes me watch her “Housewives” shows. I get laid afterward though. There are trade-offs.

by MMAInFeRioRiTy on Jun 2, 2010 10:22 AM EDT reply actions  

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