A few updates on what's been going on in the MMA Twittersphere.
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE & DOPPELGANGERS
"If you had a chance to do a different career what would it be? ...I would be a high school wrestling coach." -Tito Ortiz
"camp counselor for nymphomaniac girls :)" -Razor Rob, replying to Tito Ortiz
"If one more person tell me I look like Dewight Howard I'm gonna snap.... And by snap I mean start playing basketball" -Phil Davis, Dwight Howard! Dwight Howard! Dwight Howard!
"Thanks to @joerogandotnet I just watched TWO GIRLS, ONE CUP… my god… um… like… um… wow… you want fries with that? ... and thanks to @joerogandot net I just watched the dude get f*cked in the ass by a horse – 2 guys 1 horse – I am officially scarred for life! ...BTW there is a porno of a guy who LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME, I have the clip somewhere I thought someone had drugged me in Vegas & shot a porn!" -Michael Schiavello, has an evil pornstar twin... or has just invented the best way to deny being in a porno.
"I hate watching the machida fight. Bastard ran none stop. Lucky bastard." -Tito Ortiz, /facepalm.
"Sickening, just sickening. Da Da 5000 just won by ko after the ref stood the fighters up while he was mounted!Don't know either guy but cmon... Just to clarify, da da was mounted and getting hit." -Tom Tawlor, /facepalm.
"www.cansecovswalker.com go cast your votes! lets make it happen!" -Jose Canseco, /facepalm.
IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN! I SWEAR!
"Who is interested in spending the day with me and seeing what my life is about..." -Jose Canseco, sure that would be fun, maybe we could have lunch beside Coker's table.
"1000 per day we can do anything if interested in spend a daY with jose email me at email@example.com" -Jose Canseco, oh wait, it doesn't sound as fun anymore if I have to pay $1000 to see you stalk Scott Coker.
"All the money is going to a charity" -Jose Canseco, oh, good. For a moment there, I thought you were just trying to pay off some IRS debts... whew!
"kids n eed help the charity is worth it" -Jose Canseco, okay, where can I send the check?
"I need some investors I have to projects that need funding one is a reality based show called the altimate celebrity fighter and the other" -Jose Canseco, cool, I have some directing skills, how do I help?
"The movie on my life if interested email me at firstname.lastname@example.org" -Jose Canseco, okay, I'll email you now, I have some concepts for both the reality show, and the movie, that I've thought out. It's really good, I bet you'll like it. All you're going to need is a blue bathrobe, and training manual on how to listen to MMA instructions, and a youtube channel.
"A day with Jose" has nothing to do with the reality tv show i was speaking of yesterday. This is a different. Totally." -Jose Canseco, totally different, and it's both for paying his... I mean, Charity!
"Unless u have financing for the projects don't email me thank ju" -Jose Canseco, wait what?! You won't listen to my ideas?! Hear me out! Do it for the Kids!! They need our help! ...Canseco? Are you there? ...Noooooooooooo!
"Emails are already going crazy. It is much appreciated. This isnt a male or female thing. ANYONE willing to pay $1,000 & come to L.A. is in." -Jose Canseco, thanks for donating to a good cause.
FAKE SCOTT COKER TWEETS BETTER THAN REAL SCOTT COKER
"So I get online to start a twit acct. & what do I see? James f**king Toney signs to UFarCe! F**king James Phony! ...Why is the mma press talking about a fat, old, steroid boxer? Don't they know we have a CBS show coming up in April? F**CKING NETWORK TV! ...Hey media up Toney's ass - Why aren't you talking about top MMA talent? You do realize we've got f**king Henderson v Sheilds, right?" -Fake Scott Coker, ha! this guy is already more interesting than the real Scott Coker. He also censors himself and makes my job easier.
"F**king morons at UFarCe think they took James Phony from us. Well I got news 4 you-He wasn't worth the money & we got f**kin' Fedor bitch!" -Fake Scott Coker, UFarCe!
"Some1 asked Toney v. Walker who wins-All I can say is until the Walker fight I never f**king saw the sh*t beat out of an armpit like that." -Fake Scott Coker, the man makes a good point.
"There's this assbag, D White, who keeps countering my shows with his RT @mayhemmiller: Got a bully/Are a bully for Bully Beatdown season 3?!" -Fake Scott Coker, if you're interested, there are other fakes too - FakeDanaWhite, FakeJerryMillen and FakeJaredShaw
"20 stitches in my forehead. Couldn't see and was breathing in blood, shit happens. I will be back... I will come out with my hand raised or I will go out on my shield. In victory or defeat my head will always be up... When you fall down, get up and do it again. I have a long journey ahead of me. I am human, I make mistakes, I will be back...Back to training and walking the line again." -Miguel Torres, after his WEC 47 loss.
"@JoeLauzon if chicks dig scars then does that mean that I get 1 really big chick or a lot of them? My scar is pretty huge." -Miguel Torres
"At the airport headin to my great, and sunny, home! Sd!!! Thanx to all my supporters, and fans, id b nothing without all of u!! Much love!" -Dominick Cruz, the new WEC Bantamweight Champion.
"4-1 under and we pulled it off! Now they got vera as the underdog in our upcoming UFC fight in the main event in denver." -Lloyd Irvin, comments on his student, Dominick Cruz, winning despite being a heavy heavy underdog.
"A gift from the UFC. Wanna make a black man happy? Get him a ride!!" -Rampage Jackson, I imagine this came with a note saying "Lay off the energy drinks, and don't crash this one, kthxbai"
"Lost in all the #Toney talk, @danawhite said he met with @Rampage4Real today. He said, "We're friends again." " -Kevin Iole, well if I got that car, I'd be friends with Dana too.
"Sweet ride, @WandFC!" -UFC, wonder if this was a gift too.
"There are few things in life that stop me in my tracks. A song, beautiful view or a wonderful memory. None of them come close to my wife!" -Dave Camarillo, for the record: diarrhea also has the same effect on me.
"Contradicting a report that Fedor Emelianenko injured his hand in training & is out months, M-1's Evgeni Kogan says Fedor's hand "is fine." -Josh Gross, I also heard that about Hitler, Kim Jong Il, etc, Did our ruler have a grave sickness? "No, they're fine"...
"Heading to camp in Big Bear tonight. Malarky will ensue, it will be filmed....Another good workout tonight. For sure felt the altitude this time." -Jason High, getting ready for his UFC debut.
TWITPICS & TWIDVIDS
"fitch has big cocoNuts" -Jon Fitch, smelling his coconuts in a cooking show that is guaranteed to NEVER get any airtime what so ever.
"Who can tell me what's wrong with this picture." -Jason High, Brett Cooper zipped his hoodie and his jacket together? OR his beard is too long... Probably both.
"here is a pic of my new tattoo (not finished yet) " -Shane Carwin
FORMER OCTAGON GIRLS, AND THAT OTHER GIRL (THAT GOT THEM FIRED...OR NOT)
"Dedicating this fight to Charlie (MaSk) Lewis. I miss him dearly...RT @ufc@Rachelle_Leah announced as ring girl for UFC 111 on March 27. Could there be more reasons to watch this card!?" -Rachelle Leah, will return as an octagon girl for one night only.
"Be the 1st to get my 2010/2011 calendar...hauling my first 100 and my ass 2 the Arnold in 3,2,1 goooo!!" -Arianny Celeste
"On my way to the wec fights with my fav blonde..Ali Sonoma...reunited! :) ...This just in! One hot blone+hot brunette=:)" -Arianny Celeste
"Last regimen,mime mask. Don't laugh! Maxim shoot 2morro in Malibu! :) ...That's a wrap, mag coming soon! Xo stay tuned! ;)" -Arianny Celeste
" final day at the Arnold Expo! Its been fun seeing my supportive UFC fans :) ...For old times sake: working the BSN booth w/ Forrest Griffin! :)" -Natasha Wicks
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