I originally posted this on Sack Mike Goldberg. Check it out, sometimes I even post something!*
*Disclaimer: Yeah, fucking right.
It’s the end of an amazing year of MMA, and everyone’s doing their best-of shit for the year. 2010’s been an amazing year in which the Pink Hulk was exposed as more Banner than Hulk, let alone Rulk, we witnessed the rise of amazing fighters who will be at the top of their divisions for years to come, like Sean McCorkle, and the fall of legends of the sport who will be remembered forever, like Mariusz Pudzianowski. Oh, and I guess Fedro lost too or something. Whatever. I don’t even know who that is.
Fighter of the Year
Leonard "The Mexican Windmill" Garcia
With a comparatively weak record in 2010, some may question the selection of Garcia over such luminaries as Nik Lentz and Lay Praynard. But, to be honest, Garcia (2-1-1 in 2010 MMA, 0-4 in 2010 IRL) has utilized a more diverse skill set than nearly any mixed martial artist out there to win fights that he shouldn’t have been able to win. Ignorant of anything resembling quality technique, conditioning, or the controversy surrounding his wins, Garcia looks to charge blindly into 2011, gassing out halfway through February.
Fight of the Year
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Ricardo Mayorga vs. Din Thomas
An amazing bout, all around. It’s a damn shame that nobody got to see it because the force of Mayorga’s Shoryuken destroyed all the cameras. By the time Thomas finished the fight with a Final Atomic Buster, everyone in the audience was left thinking the same thing: Nothing, because the shockwave from the move killed everyone in attendance. Sure, you can believe the stories about "Don King suing Shark Fights to prevent the fight from happening." You just keep on believing that, Gullible McDumbfuck. I bet you believe that 9/11 was a terrorist attack too. I know what really happened, though. And there’s power in truth. So lemme know when you want to come back to earth, buddy.
Knockout of the Year
Some fights are one-sided beatdowns, some are amazing back-and-forth wars. This was neither.
After a hard-fought win over Dan Henderson, Jake Shields assumed he would be able to relax and handle a series of softball questions while thanking his sponsors. He was wrong. Jason "Mayhem" Miller, an MTV personality turned MMA hopeful, shamefully charged into his personal space to threaten Shields and claim that he was a coward. What Miller failed to realize, however, is that Gracie Jiu-jitsu teaches you to fight as a team. Driven into motion by the coal and steam of Miller’s vicious attack, Shields and his comrades ran a Gracie Train, not seen since the 90’s, all the fuck over Miller’s ass. Undeterred by security or Gus Johnson’s pleas for mercy, they stomped on his face like it was PRIDE all over again. Easily the most inspiring story of a group of scrappy underdogs banding together to fight back since... whatever sports movie just came out.
Submission of the Year
Common Exercise Equipment vs. James Toney
You know what? Fuck it. This is too easy. I’m not making the joke. Come back for part two tomorrow. I promise it’ll be up right after Dynomite!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2010.