FanPost

Brock Lesnar Won: Magic Bullet Theory... Not Actually Explained.


I have to level with you. The aftermath of UFC 121 has proven to be a really trying time in my life. I woke up to the detritus of dreams not realized the following morning... which is not anything out of the norm... but it took an actual physical form. Chicken bones strewn across the living room... eaten savagely as only a man of the Brock can... now piled... as a witness of failure. Coor's Light bottles and cans... fallen and emptied out... like my very being. An overflowing toilet... covering my every step in the waste and filth of my very existence.

As I slowly clean up afterwards and try to resolve the pain inside, I look to my phone and see the very hubris of what being a drunken Brock fan was.

Actual texts:

Me: BROCKLESNARS!!!!11

Ex #1: whuuuut? r u at the casino?

My take: Clearly, she knew I'd bet the farm on Brock if given the chance... Mostly because I hate the farm life.

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Me: You. me. The fights. brock! my house!! There are all the drinks. you can stay!!

Ex #2: I'm ooouuut!

My take: The sight of me and Brock Lesnar in the same room is a disturbing aphrodisiac. Sure, panties will drop... but at what cost to dignity the next day. "I'm ooouuut!", indeed.

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Me: NOOOO!!! brck cannot looose.. why???

Ex #3: you should not text me anymore. I've finally found my #1 and want to find happiness w/o you

My take: I'm assuming that was about Cain Velasquez... and the hurt I feel from that statement still stings.

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So where does one go from here? I mean, you could write a fanpost about how Brock Lesnar's loss is the an extension of your own failures to live according to the way of the Vikings... However, only 18 Beyonces would like it enough to put a rec on it.... and that's no way to live.

To survive... apparently, I looked to the fight itself. I say "apparently" as I "apparently" don't recall watching the fight repeatedly at some point this week. However, I left a paper trail of notes on my bed... which I rolled around on for a few days without noticing... Any ladies reading... yes, I'm still available.

I see in my drunken blackout note I used the word "destruction" many times which is sweet as I'm tough as Jesus nails ... I tried to write out how Brock Lesnar's skintone grew to a Pudz-like redness... which I assume was something about oxygenation... or gassing... or perhaps, being attracted to red M.U.S.C.L.E. men (a decent variant for collectors).

More tellingly, I invoked Hakeem Olajuwon's Dream Shake in my notes at the 2:32 point in the match. For a lot of basketball's casual fans that's neither here nor there. For the more hardcore folks, that was an excellent implemention of a big man move that few have equaled before or since. For a very certain ilk, we recall Olajuwon being called out in an interview that stated (paraphasing): "Isn't the 'Dream Shake' just travelling that nobody calls you on?"

Olajuwon responds (paraphrasing and/or remaking the quote to match my memory of it): "It's an an advanced move that'll be understood in the future"

... And that's my standard I can fall back on when I don't understand anything that happens in sports. It's "an advanced move".

Brock was holding his own in the stand-up... very well. The takedowns happened. Control, to some degree, in all levels happened... In my barely to not remembered rewatches... it remains a solid 10-9 for the first 2:28.

At an immediate time prior to this distinct moment, we see a Brock bitchslap. There is no attack that could be more demeaning in a round than that. Brock is ahead and rebuffs Cain in a way that only a pimp can demean his top earner.

At 2:32... Brock goes into his complete breakdance of defiance. Absolute magic! A whirly-bird of ecstacy as the fight is over in his mind. There's is no logic or reason to this. There is not a punch or kick that explains this in rewatching this fight. If this were Mortal Kombat 2, Brock Lesnar ended the fight with a Babality.

That the fight continued is a complete misunderstanding of what a God was trying to convey to mortals. Those seconds and their subsequent analysis are a localized analogy for the various iterations of Christianity. Currently, his breakdance of defiance is a book that lacks a proper prophet for its retelling in the Bible of Brock...  

To whit, Brock's dance was 'an advanced move" that we can only hope to understand in time. Like in life and death... For those of us that believe in the defiance of all logic, the Brock Lesnar is clearly there for us and he truly won at that moment.

Babality!

\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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