The Week in Quotes: January 24th - 30th

THE WALKER, TEXAS RANGER LEVER

"I'm not stepping into this sport, fighting for a belt, `Oh, I want to be heavyweight champion.'" - Herschel Walker.  Walker's 22 year old personality later called the 48 year old a "pussy". (Miami Herald)

"No. At the age I'm at right now, I'm getting into a sport that I consider one of the toughest sports out there, and I'm going to be competitive." - Walker, so long as the opponent couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag.

"You’re going to be shocked by this, but [the pressure did not bother me at all]." - Walker, following his third round TKO of Greg Nagy.  You felt no pressure fighting a guy with next-to-no demonstrable MMA skills?  Shocking.  (Yahoo!)

COKED UP WEREWOLF

"People like (Rashad) Evans and 'Rampage' Jackson and Chuck Liddell – these guys are making the millions now because of me holding out. If I didn't hold out, they'd get taken advantage of." - Former UFC light heavyweight champion and labor rights activist Tito Ortiz.  What, did someone drop this guy on his head? (MMA Junkie)

"The first week of training (for UFC 106), I got bounced on my head. I had C6 and C7 discs pressing on my spinal cord. I shouldn't have fought. But when you take 18 months off and bills have to be paid? I'll suck it up." - Ortiz.  You mean the bills that your brand name of a girlfriend pays? (MMA Junkie)

"Two weeks before the fight, I was wrestling with one of my partners, and we collided heads. I fractured my orbital bone. I don't remember the weigh-ins. I don't remember the fight. All I remember was the beginning of the third round." - Ortiz, commission defying extraordinaire.

"I think [Liddell] had a problem." - Ortiz.  Punching you in the face?  Nah, he did that pretty well.

"A lot of people go through addiction. I think his deal was he was an alcoholic. He loved to party." - Ortiz.  Ugh.  It'll be fun watching everyone fall for this garbage until the inevitable post-fight lovefest.

"I wanted to be successful, and sometimes people get things given to them. Sometimes people work hard to make them happen. Chuck has always had things given to him, and I work hard to make it happen. If it wasn't for my hard work and dedication, I would have been forgotten about." - Ortiz.  Must be really hard keeping your mug in front of the camera.

MAKING FUN OF LA BAMBA

"No, it's not true at all. He's full of shit. Let me tell you what Chuck told me. He's gonna break his head open! Yeah, he's pissed." - WEC GM Reed Harris, confusing Tito Ortiz for Jimmy Snuka and Chuck Liddell for "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. (MMA Mania)

"I did one interview with [Ortiz] today and I’m already getting pumped about punching him in the mouth. I knocked him out twice already, but I have no problem getting up to fight him." - Former UFC light heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell, who would have a problem getting up for Jenna. (Las Vegas Sun)

DESK DRIVING

"The current state of drug testing done by these state commissions is a joke. They don’t test for EPO. They don’t test for designer steroids. They test for a basic, simple menu that anybody with a heartbeat will escape." - USADA CEO Travis Tygart.  But yeah, Floyd Mayweather Jr.'s a tyrant for wanting stringent testing. (MLive.com)

"Again, just a couple tests here and there that everyone knows about, or 72-hour notice that you’re going to be tested, or 48-hour notice — it has to be true, no-notice testing." - Tygart.  Wait, guys can beat the test if they know when it'll be?  Science is amazing.

"Look, I’d love to have one strand of hair. From a cost and logistical standpoint, the simpler whatever we collect, the better. But just pulling a strand of hair is not effective to protect a clean athlete’s rights because there is so much that can’t be detected in hair, or saliva, or other things." - Tygart.  And if we're REALLY serious about clean athlete's rights, we can slap ankle bracelets on 'em and track their every move.

"There’s not much. Incremental cost. It’s certainly not cost-prohibitive and if you want to protect clean athletes, you’ll put it in place." - Tygart, on the costs associated with blood testing.  I say fuck it.  Let's pump 'em full of drugs and make 'em the uberathletes we all want them to be.

PIMPBOT 5000

"Either they're going to allow me [to] do it the way I wanna do it and build, or they're going to give me a title shot. Either/or." - Bobby Lashley, following his first round stoppage over career tall-glass-of-water Wes Sims.  (MMA Mania)

"I would like a title shot. I guess it's Overeem, he's the one who has the title right now. Him or Fedor, whoever. I wanted to take my time to build up but everyone's pushing me to get bigger and better fights so if I'm going to get bigger and better fights let's go for the best." - Lashley.  In other news, the Bobby Lashley Should Fight Better Opposition Coalition has been renamed the Axis of Who Does Bobby Lashley Think He Is Calling Out Fedor and Overeem.

"It's five days a month with my dedication toward wrestling and 25 days a month for my [MMA] training." - Lashley, shutting up the Bloody Elbow yambag commenter who felt the need to lambast Bobby for "not concentrating on one job". (Cage Writer)

PATTERNS

"This fight is very important man. I can't lose 5 fights in a row, come on. It can't happen." - Former UFC lightweight champion Jens Pulver. Novice dancer, three-legged dog...(Fight Hype)

"I feel like I have been losing because I was dumb, you know what I'm saying? I'm just getting caught in dumb stuff. " - Pulver...Iraq War vet, and Jens Pulver...

"Even in the first fight with Urijah, on't get me wrong, he is fast, but I made his hands look faster because I fought dumb." - Pulver...That's right, these are increasingly more likely to have lost a step.

PARTING SHOTS

"Let’s say you get $100,000 for a fight, or more likely like $40,000. 20%-30% percent goes to taxes, 10% goes to your manager, another 20% is for expenses like food, traveling, sparring partners, etc. After that you don’t have nothing." - Hermes Franca.  30% + 10% + 20% = 60% = $100K - 60K = $40K or not nothing. (Cage Potato)

"He eats one meal a day, at night. He has salad, soup, maybe chicken soup, and bread, and he's not afraid to put butter on it. He eats no meat and no fish." - AKA head honcho Javier Mendez, confused about the ingredients involved in making chicken soup. (Yahoo!)

"That is a horrible fight for me. I have trained with his brother a little bit, so he already has the 'inside scoop' on me, he's a southpaw, has got a good chin, and has good power. Plus he is pretty solid on the ground. The only place I would have an advantage would be wrestling... and my wrestling is not that good. So yeah, that’s a tough match up for me. I'd do it, if that’s what they wanted, but being straight up, there are other guys I'd rather fight." - Former UFC light heavyweight champ Forrest Griffin, on a rumored bout with Antonio Rogerio Nogueira.  Does anyone have a good skill set for Griffin? (MMA Sports Mag)

"Um... no. Actually, right now, I'd like to fight both GSP and Anderson Silva because I think I could beat them." - Nick Diaz, when asked about dream fights.  <Insert obligatory marijuana joke here.> (MMA Mania)

"I've spent a lot of time working on the bottom and working on creating some situations where I think I can be effective and make it hard on Mark." - Former UFC multi-divisional champ Randy Couture, on worst case scenario training for Mark Coleman.  Rumors have circulated around Vegas that Couture has brought in ex-wife Kim Couture to show him the intricacies of the rubber guard. (Sports Radio Interviews)

"Do I think there's holes in Randy's boxing? Absolutely. He can look at us the same way." - Shawn Tompkins, throwing clients - past and present - under the bus. (Cage Writer)