THIS ISN'T RUSSIA. IS THIS RUSSIA? THIS ISN'T RUSSIA.
"I got very very sick, it was a challenging time for me. I thought that my career was ended. Luckily thank God and my family and the UFC, I'm coming back." - UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar, putting the speculation on his future to a rest. Didn't know God had the time to perform emergency medical services. (UFC.com)
"I love Canada. Some of the best people and best hunting in the world, but I wasn't in the right facility." - Lesnar, adding, "The facility wasn't anointed by Jesus Christ." (Vancouver Sun)
"It was like I was in a Third World country, I just looked at my wife and she saved my life and I had to get out of there." - Lesnar. Perhaps a trip to Haiti is in order.
"The only reason I'm mentioning this, I'm mentioning it to the United States of America because President Obama is looking for health care reform and I don't want it." - Lesnar. This is very easy to say when you make $5MM+/year.
"I thought maybe I'd go down to 205 but decided I like steak and potatoes; now I got to eat my roughage too." - Lesnar
I'LL SLACK YOU OFF, YOU FUZZY LITTLE FOREIGNER
"The attending physician was very qualified and very respected. He's been in the business for more than 30 years. And he has the skills to diagnose a condition such as diverticulitis without a CT scan." - CEO of Brandon's regional health authority Carmel Olson, responding to Brock Lesnar's accusation of third world medical care. (The Globe and Mail)
"We have checked this particular health record and we're quite confident that the correct diagnosis was given and the best course of treatment offered." - Olson, in the business of killing patients.
"Who knows, maybe he didn't like the bill." - Olson. What a delightfully funny free health care joke!
TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT, BUT THREE RIGHTS MAKE A LEFT
"You want me to let you in on a secret, Anderson Silva speaks perfect English." - Chael Sonnen, drawing some heel heat. (MMA Weekly)
"He just has such a low amount of respect for you and all the rest of the media that he pretends he doesn't [speak English]." - Sonnen. Have you seen the MMA media? I wouldn't have much respect for them either.
"It's quite ironic that all the media comes on and talks about how great this guy is for reasons that are completely un-understandable to me." - Sonnen. Speaking of perfect English.
"That guy's no more the top fighter out there than Bigfoot is roaming the woods." - Sonnen. O RLY?
YOU WILL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT
"I came out here (to Vegas) so that I could surround myself with professional athletes and people that have the same goals in their careers as I do." - Former UFC heavyweight champ Mark Coleman, found a bunch of people who squandered a bunch of money and need to keep fighting into their 40's to get by. (Punch Drunk Gamer)
"I even had to cancel Christmas this year." - Coleman. The kids took it harder than the Fedor beating.
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I WOULD LUG FIFTY POUNDS OF ICE UP FIVE, SIX FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!
"He’s a freak, but this is not a freak show. He put in three months of training at one of the best gyms in the world. He’s legitimate." - Luke Rochhold, who trained with Herschel Walker at AKA. AKA did not trade 5 players and 8 draft picks to the Dallas Cowboys for Walker's rights. (Yahoo!)
"I tell you what: Anybody who fights an [expletive] like James Toney or Herschel Walker or Jose Canseco or any of them other [expletives] that come into our sport at their age should be required to take them down and break as many bones as possible on them and keep them crippled for six-to-eight weeks." - MMA legend and general curmudgeon Don Frye. (MMA Junkie)
YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE NOT GOOD, AL. YOU STINK.
"You know, I pretty much predicted that." - Kenny Florian, on Diego Sanchez's return to 170 pounds. Anyone else want to confirm the K-Flo's (snicker) prediction or is he turning into another spineless, cowardly TV analyst? (Cage Potato)
"The only guys, I think, at 155 that are consistently finishing people are me and BJ Penn." - Florian. Fancy Pant is breaking arms across the Pacific, too.
"In my opinion, Diego just never looked great at 155." - Florian, who hasn't looked great in title fights. Cricism is fun!
"You never know, anything is possible." - UFC President Dana White, on a possible PRIDE revival after a successful debut of the "Best of PRIDE" show. (Canoe.ca)
"I don’t want to say the PRIDE name is dead. It’s still a strong powerful brand. But the reality is that us running PRIDE in Japan, that completely fell apart." - White. Just look at how well Titan Entertainment has done in keeping the integrity of the ECW brand in check.
"We could be the Saturday Night Live of pro sports." - Senior Vice President of Sports/Specials for Spike TV Brian Diamond. So, thirty years of mediocrity interspersed with pockets of quality? (Sports Illustrated)
"I am fine, the little old lady is fine, but my car got hurt, and for that I'm sad." - Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, involved in a car accident that didn't involve sleep deprivation, energy drinks, and communication with God. (TMZ)
"I think I learned that if you’re not scared of him right away you have a good chance to win and that’s what I did." - Patrick Cote, on a rematch with Anderson Silva. I must have missed the part where he "had a good chance to win". (The MMA News)
"Make no bones about it, the area we're looking at is gravel currently." - UFC's UK President Marshall Zelaznik, on the future arena for UFC 112 in Abu Dhabi. (Cage Writer)
"Once he loses to a guy with a tramp stamp, not only does he lose to a guy with a tramp stamp, but to a guy who's nickname is "Twinkle Toes" which is kind of gay, a guy that paints his toe nails which is kind of gay." - Frank Trigg, projecting on himself. (Heavy)
"I asked many people in the academy, and everybody tells me they can’t predict what’s going to happen." - Demian Maia, on Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort. I'll go ahead and predict it. Going to go out on a limb and take Andy here. (Sherdog)
"I think I could do better than a lot of guys do against B.J. A lot of guys sit back and want to last with B.J. I'd rather get knocked out in the center of the ring and go for it, than sit back and try to figure it out." - Gilbert Melendez, looking to be renamed "El Nina". (Cage Writer)