Analysing Josh Barnett's Response to the Failed Drug Test

Josh issued a statement via that bastion of professionalism, Myspace.

I'd like to analyse it and try to extrapolate some meaning. 

Many of you are wondering what's happening.  What I can say is that when applying for my license, the CSAC asked for me to submit a urine sample for testing prior to granting my license as they do with everyone, I believe. It was not a random test. I had no reason to believe there would be any issues and went in to submit my sample at the earliest possible opportunity on June 25th.  I never once thought there would be a problem.  

My representatives and I are working to gather as much info as possible and handle this situation as best as we can. I am embarrassed and want for nothing more than to resolve this issue and receive a license from the State of California as I have done many times already and for other states as well.
I am very thankful for all the great family, friends and fans that still support me.

Sincerely,


Josh

The first thing I noticed was that nowhere in the statement does Josh deny taking the steroids. He simply says that he "had no reason to believe there would be any issues" and he "never once thought there would be a problem." 

Josh knew that the test was coming, and assumed there would not be a problem. That means either one of two things: that he hadn't taken anything, or that he thought he had sufficiently masked or cycled the drugs out of his system. 

According to this website, the detection time of Drostanolone is only three weeks. That seems to be much shorter than other forms of steroids. There would be plenty of time for a training camp and to cycle off the drugs in time for a clean test. 

The second paragraph of Barnett's statement basically reads: "We are doing our best to get a whole bunch of other information around the fact that I got busted to make it seem less like I was busted. You never know I could have gotten unusually high doses of this manufactured drug in my system by bungee jumping with a lactating llama while rubbing sesame oil in my armpits and singing Camptown Races. Honest, it could have happened. Damn I'm such an idiot hole."

Now, in much the same way as I watched that remake of Knight Rider, hoping against hope that it might actually be good, I knew it was a pile of crap. Just like how, I hope against hope that there has been some terrible mistake and Josh really was humping a genetically engineered elephant in a zero-g tank and drinking tainted supplements while slathering untested hair-replacement oil on his buttocks  and that's really why he got busted. but really, I have a bad feeling, the guy just did steroids and, in the process, screwed up a lot of things. 

Here are the things that have been screwed up:

1) Barnett's ability to show the world he is awesome. 

2) Fedor's chance to make Barnett eat his unitard.

3) My chance to see it happen.

4) Affliction.

5) Global warming.

I think Affliction should give Sakuraba a call. Or maybe Rickson.

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